I (28F) and my boyfriend (29M) bought a car together to share. mainly WFH and we do most social things together, so one car made sense. The car is in my name but we both paid equally towards it while I cover tax and insurance bc I take home slightly more.
Trouble is, though we’d discussed getting a car, the actual purchase was quite impromptu we saw one we loved whilst window shopping and bought it that day.
On the very first day, my boyfriend told me (not asked) that his dad was going to drive the car to do a food shop because his own car was out of use. I want to be clear: I don’t dislike his dad and dont have an issue with family using the car in principle
What bothered me was that no one asked me first. It was also a matter of hours since getting the car and the whole thing just rubbed me the wrong way.
my boyfriend said I was being “awkward,” and that family should be able to enjoy the nice things we have. I felt uncomfortable but struggled to hide it, and his parents could tell I wasn’t pleased, which then made things more awkward
Since then there are incidents eg the car has a set mileage per year that he disregards, after 3 months we were already over the yearly limit. Then while out with friends he recently drove with four people in the back.
When I raise concerns, I’m told I’m selfish, overreacting, or making things difficult. It feels like “sharing” actually means I’m expected to just accept whatever he wants to do with it even though the liability is in my name. I offered to pay him out as I’m uncomfortable with some of the things he is doing but he called me an AH for essentially going back on our initial decision but I am already starting to resent him.
NTA, maybe you two should sit down and discuss some rules first
NTA. Sounds like he is taking advantage of the situation. Sit down and talk about rules and expectations. There is no way someone else would have driven my car the first day I had it.
NTA. Your boyfriend is selfish and manipulative. Instead of having a conversation with you he is resorting to insulting you to get his way. If he acts like this about a car, please do not reproduce with him. He has a lot of growing up to do.
if the car has a “set mileage per year” you didn’t actually purchase a car….you’re leasing it and that comes with a lot more obligations than simply buying it.
NTA but this is something that should have been discussed BEFORE you acquired the car.
You’re not the one who went back on your agreement, he did. The resentment you’re feeling is probably coming from the different standards he’s holding you to. Apparently he can do with the car what he wants, but you have to stick to the agreement.
He’s showing you that he doesn’t respect your input or belongings, while not carrying any of the responsibility for the car.
NTA.
It’s shared property and he’s acting like you have zero say in it, when the car is in YOUR name. You’re absolutely right to be pissed; if he screws up, the consequences land on you.
The most reasonable solution is the one you already suggested: buy him out and let him get his own car, assuming that’s financially possible. If not, you need to lay down firm ground rules. If he can’t respect them, he shouldn’t have access to the car.
I’m also confused about the whole “set mileage per year” thing; if you’re leasing the car and didn’t actually buy it, what he’s doing is even worse. The car isn’t even technically yours, so he’s risking penalties that will fall entirely on you.
NTA but Its your car its in your name your responsible for the loan if you break up tomorrow your on the hook 100% for the car so you get the say in who drives it. If his dad wrecks the car your responsible for everything.
NTA. The car is in your name only. He doesn’t actually have a choice in your decision. Give him some money for a buyout and he can purchase his own car and lend it to his family. By the way YOU are the only person who is liable if the car is in an accident while his family is driving it. And please don’t have children with this man.
Love you need to get out of paying for a car that isn’t yours and get a new partner while you’re at it
NTA
https://freebooksmania.com/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that-pdf-free-download-by-lundy-bancroft.html
https://youtu.be/ywsTdzkiPF0?si=MJMtVrOr94ouiS5U
Sounds pre-planned on his part. Start making moves to leave. I’m telling you that this is only going to get worse over time. Not overreacting and NTA. Manipulative men and their moochy families have no place in your life bestie!
This is absurd. There’s no way this is real
Be grateful it’s only a car and not a house or a baby! Now you know that he’s feckless and selfish. What you do with that knowledge is up to you. But personally, I’d be reconsidering sharing anything with someone I can’t trust to respect me or honour agreements. Including my life. I’d also be buying my own flipping car!
NTA
But “sharing” actually means you provide and gets the benefits. This is probably not someone you want to stay with, he’s irresponsible and using your shared property as a community resource.