I took the effort driving to the airport traffic, used my own gas, I drove 70 miles (112 KM) roundtrip, and even took time out of my busy life to pick him up. Usually, the cheapest Uber ride would be about $70 and I would have been OK had he pay me half of that. Im just hurt and resentful and quietly upset that he did not contribute any money.
He did buy me a burger, fries and soda, but that was only about $12. I felt disrespected and like he smartly used me so he can save money by avoiding Uber, and he did not value my time. Im a low-income guy on welfare, and his income is so higher than mine. He told me weeks before, that he will pay me for picking him up, but turned out he chose not to. I regret picking him up.
I will choose to say No next time. I do have people-pleasing tendencies. I do not want the friendship to have a business vibe. Should I discuss this issue with him? This hurt and feeling taking advantage of is bothering me. Or should I just allow time to let my resentment to my unfair friend possibly subside over time?..Thank you all.
Info: did you ask him about payment?
In any case he’s rude for making you have to ask after he said he would pay.
In the future, either feel free to say no, or set a price in advance.
NTA. Remind your “friend” that he told you he would pay you.
When he tries to claim that the meal was payment, laugh gently and say it doesn’t even cover half of your fuel money. Hopefully he’ll cough up some more money towards it, but let this be a lesson to you – never give him a lift anywhere unless he pays you on the day, before leaving your car!
He offered to pay, and you accepted. Buying you lunch is not payment, but it appears he 1) thinks it is, 2) thinks you forgot, or 3) is banking on your people-pleasing tendencies making you feel funny about bringing it up.
Could he have forgotten that he offered to pay? No. Nobody “forgets” when they owe someone, especially not someone going out of their way to be helpful.
Don’t simmer too long if it’ll just get buried – but also maybe don’t approach with the upset at the surface, though it doesn’t sound like you would.
I think you should bring it up, when you feel like you can be direct.
Did you give him figure on the payment?
Edit: YTA based on your reply. You didn’t ask for payment or the amount. He said he will pay but he didn’t confirm its monetary or other means but he did pay you back with a meal.
If he told you he’d pay you, ask him to. I was going to judge you for wanting payment, cuz that’s usually why friends drive each other. To not pay. He also got you food which he’s probably thinking is a fine trade off. But he said he’d pay you which is apparently why you agreed. So ask him for it.
ESH. You shouldn’t naturally expect payment for doing your friend a favour, and if you do expect some payment then covering the gas would be enough. The fact that you’re rationalising this as a transaction ($12 food versus half the cost of an Uber) makes it all sound very clinical.
However, he really should have offered to give you a contribution out of politeness, regardless of whether you’d accept it or not. (Fwiw, I would have declined and just said something like ‘maybe you can get me back next time I need a ride’, pay it forward, etc)
I don’t think it’s too late to ask for payment. Send him a text or a Venmo request and just say something like “hi, please send me (however much you think is fair) for gas money to the airport. Thanks!” If he says “oh, I thought the burger was enough” say “Buddy, it costs a lot more than that. I even subtracted the the cost of dinner.”
He may not pay, but he may. NTA. Good luck!
We must have a different definition of “friend”.
You used about 4 gallons of gas to make this trip. At least in my state that is about $12 in actual expense these days.
He bought you lunch which cost $12 + you got to see your friend. I would be happy with this trade. I would never accept money from my friends for a ride to the airport. It’s just part of being a friend, and what I would expect in return from a friend.
If you wanted $35 you need to be brave enough to ask for it. If you don’t ask you cannot be mad when he doesn’t offer exactly what you had in mind. What if he offered $20?
Were it me needing a ride I’d offer to pay money and would also be slightly shocked if someone I considered a friend accepted it. If I provided the ride I’d be more than happy with the burger and would not accept the money.
YTA.
NTA, but next time, be more upfront and assertive. When he offered to pay you, you should have said “Great, I will do it for $30 plus you pay for lunch.” Then there is a clear expectation set aside. Best if you do it by text so there is a written agreement.
NTA…he said he’d pay you and didn’t. It should be obvious to him that you really need the money.
The judgement is hard here. What was the actual cost of gas? I assume friend thought the meal he bought you was equivalent? I think you are somewhat of an AH for being resentful, but you didn’t name a cost to pick him up, and you didn’t mention anything to him to date. I would chalk this one up as a learning and going forward, either say no to favours such as these, or name your price upfront. NAH
If I agree to help a friend, I don’t expect payment. But I don’t have transactional relationships like that, my friends know that I will be there for them if they need me.
YTA. I can’t believe how many responses think you are mandated to PAY your FRIEND for a ride!! It’s shocking to me. I’ve moved friends whole houses, watched their kids for a week, Rug Doctored their 2 story house and would NEVER expect anything in payment because they are my FRIEND and would do the same for me.And you were thanked with a free meal and it still wasn’t enough. You don’t know what friendship is. If they want to pay they’d call an Uber. It’s called a favor..
Are you a friend or an uber driver? YTA