I (25M) was having dinner with my GF(23F) last night and she was preparing a salad. As I was grilling the chicken, she was repeatedly eating out of the salad bowl with a spoon and putting it back in the bowl mixing around and such. This is a common thing that weve talked about before. I find it gross and bad manners to eat out serving dishes and put your used utensil back into the serving dish other people are expected to eat out of. Her family does it for almost every dish and if I see it, it grosses me out. I once again asked her to stop or to make herself a bowl and eat out of that rather than the community dish. She got bent out of shape, dismissed my concern, so I ignored it and carried on cooking the chicken.
When it came time to eat, she tried to serve me salad(With the same spoon she was eating off) and I politely declind. She then started pestering me why repeatedly. In attempts to stop a fight, I continued to cop out saying "Im just not in the mood for salad" and other excuses. Until she finally asked me enough to where I reiterated my concern that her reusing her dirty spoon in the bowl turned me off from eating it. She then played the victim about how she spent so much time preparing it for me and that I was being dramatic. She then left me with "If you don’t like that, you would’ve hated to watch me make the rice". Which I had already eaten and now made me feel unsettled.
I was extremely frustrated in this situation because I feel like it’s a valid concern and general manners to not repeatedly eat from a dish others are going to eat from. Furthermore, I felt in a position to be forced into eating something that grossed me out just to validate her feelings while disregarding mine. I’m not bent out over a bite with a clean spoon. Or cutting off and nibbling on little pieces of dinner while preparing dishes. I just get grossed out by dirty wet utensils being mixed around into the clean prepared food everyone is going to eat from.
AITA
Why are you eating salad with a spoon in the first place
INFO this is the same gf you assumingely swap spit everyday with, right? 🤣 i get not wanting to eat her family’s spit, but you’re probably consuming hers anyways….. unless you’re not intimate at all
I mean, technically NTA but also… you swap bodily fluids and have sex and if it’s just you two in the house what difference does it make? Like how is that different?
OK…here’s the thing…in our house we share food all the time. I mean, do you kiss her? Same germs. However, you have asked her to NOT eat out of a serving bowl and she blatantly ignors you. THAT is inconsiderate and rude.
Yeah people are poking fun at the whole “do you not kiss?” While glossing over the fact this was something he went out of his way to stress to her he does not like and it makes him not want to eat the food she then not only continued to do it but then copped an attitude.
She doesn’t like being called out for gross food practices? OP doesn’t like eating spit and backwash food.
Its worse that he says her whole family does this even if they’re cooking for guests thats just barbaric.
I also think commenters are being silly by pretending that the context in which partners swap spit doesn’t matter. Just because they kiss, should he be okay if she spat in his mouth? It’s rude, it’s gross. NTA.
Consent to swap spit is important.
Used her toothbrush. Lick a utensil and put it back in the drawer.
Bend her head back from behind when she’s sitting down on the couch and dangle a string of spit into her mouth and see if she still feels there should be bacterial carte blanche.
This was exactly my thought. If I am cooking for just me and my partner, I totally do this because it does not matter.
But if I am cooking for my friends, I end up cleaning like 10 spoons so I can taste throughout but its fine. Im happy to do it
Eh, you’re NTA but I’m not sure how big a deal it is if it’s just the two of you. You presumably swap saliva with your girlfriend occasionally anyway.
My husband and I eat off eachother’s plates/forks occasionally or share a tub of ice-cream with a spoon or whatever, it’s no big deal. I’d not do it with other people though or if one of us was sick.
Info: did she make the salad just for the two of you? If yes, then I don’t really understand. I assume you exchange bodily fluids anyway during kissing. I don’t mind if my boyfriend tastes dinner using the spoon used for mixing and then puts it back when we cook just for the two of us. If we cook for other guests then we obviously don’t do that.
Kissing…? I bet you he doesn’t have an issue with his penis being in her mouth, but when her used spoon is supposed to go near his mouth he can’t handle it? That’s absolutely unaware behavior that has a vibe of “I make demands of others, expecting them to adapt to my wants and I refuse to reflect on myself”.
Absolutely agree this is NOT an okay thing to do if you have guests or are feeding people you don’t share bodily fluids with – but your partners germs are just an extension of your own germs and this guy needs to get over himself or keep his penis to himself – either or would be acceptable.
Thats not the point OP was making. The point is that he asked her and she chooses not do gaf. Get it?
You kiss, you have sex, you presumably go down on her. But you draw the line at sharing food and the same utensil. Interesting. Very interesting..
He can’t share a spoon with his gf; I really doubt he goes down on her 🤣