hello, i had plans with a partner (fwb) to go to a tattoo convention in a few days. we went together last year and it was a lot of fun. we both got some new ink and I’ve been looking forward to going again. my fwb has been telling me for a few weeks about how they were going and meeting their friends there but didn’t extend an offer. I’m not the kind of person to invite myself. but then last week, she invited me to go with her on Saturday. we would hangout and say hi to some of her friends that would be there that day and I was totally cool with that.
However, yesterday she called me and was acting a little weird on the phone but eventually brought up that due to the show forecast this weekend, that she was going to rent a hotel room with one of her guy friends for 3 days to go to the convention. she and I have been having some difficulty seeing eachother and intimacy has been off the table for a while, but I really like her and she’s very aware. but she also brought up before even telling me about this new plan of hers, that she and him aren’t hooking up or anything. then later while texting about it, she mentioned she hasn’t seen him in a while and he had a gf but is single now and has been bummed about it and she "wants him to have a good time this weekend". i asked if I was included in the hotel but I’m not and she doesnt want to pay more for a 3rd person in the room.
I told her that I wasn’t happy and she had made plans with me for saturday, and now she made plans with someone else behind my back and made me the third wheel and that makes me feel like shit. her response was to "not make her feel bad for having to cancel or rearrange plans occasionally". which to be honest, feels extremely manipulative to me. by my perspective, it feels like she doesnt want me to go really so she can hangout with this guy and sleep with him. I understand I’m being jealous but it honestly feels very warranted.
I explained that I wasn’t trying to make her feel bad, but tell her how her actions are making me feel, to which she told me to not come and she was tired of arguing and she went to bed. all I did was point out the chain of events from my perspective and she got mad at me, which feels weird. AITA here?
Maybe FWB means something different where you are, but if you’re feeling jealous because she’s hanging out with another guy then you’re an AH for being in this relationship. She is not as into you as you are into her.
In this particular case, you’re NTA. She is supposedly a friend (with benefits) and friends don’t just cancel on each other to go off with other people like this. Regardless of the benefits part of the equation.
You’ve been FWB for over a year and haven’t progressed the relationship into exclusive dating / a proper relationship. To me that indicates that one or both of you don’t see this as having relationship potential and just enjoy having occasion sex. As such, she is well within her rights to explore a relationship with someone else.
If you want more but she doesn’t (which is what this sounds like), then you’re being TA to yourself by hanging on and waiting for her scraps of time. This might sound harsh, but she wasn’t keen on going with you from the start and only looped you in to existing plans. She didn’t plan to go as part of a you and her couple.
Does it suck her plans changed and they don’t include you? Yes. Is it a bit rude? Probably, but reading between the lines she threw you a bone about going on the sat but really wants to do something else.
YTA to yourself for putting up with this. If you want to go, go. Don’t wait around for her and keep begging for time and affection when the relationship has no future.
>Does it suck her plans changed and they don’t include you? Yes. Is it a bit rude? Probably, but reading between the lines she threw you a bone about going on the sat but really wants to do something else.
She also didn’t change the plans on a whim. It sounds like she had a valid concern about the weather (I’m also getting bad weather over the weekend and if we happen to be in the same area, getting a hotel would be the wisest and safest choice). Plus, since her original plans were with her friends, it would be awkward-and maybe a bit rude to the other-to invite OP to the hotel room with one of them if they don’t know OP that well.
She’s not your girlfriend, dude. She’s a FWB. And if you haven’t discussed being exclusive, it’s not part of the deal.
Being hurt about the last minute change of plans and being excluded? NTA
But man, stop hurting yourself over a girl who doesn’t feel the same way.
Sorry, but its feeling like you’re not actually friends, maybe one of an old hookup roster. NTA for wanting to be treated like a friend, but I dont think that’s something you can expect anymore having seen her priorities. It also could be the fact you like her but shes not trying to lock it in with you that she drew a line like this.
ESH-her cancelling plans was shitty and not a good friend thing to do. However, you are FWB and not in a relationship, if she wants to spend the weekend with and pursue another man she is totally able to do that.
You do not have a right to be jealous and it is not warranted. She is not in a relationship with you and is able to pursue others.
You caught feels and she didn’t, save yourself some more heartache and just be done.
YTA for catching feelings for a FWB and getting upset with her for not feeling the same way.
I’m sorry to say it, but she has every right to hang out with (and sleep with) as many other dudes as she wants. And as a FWB (especially when you say y’all aren’t even hooking up), you don’t get to be jealous.
Her changing the plans at the last minute is annoying – I’ll give you a NTA on this one – but it kind of sounds like you were always an add-on to plans she already had with her friends. The reason it stings is because her change of plans reinforced that she didn’t want to go *with just you*.
Do yourself a favor and decline the invite and find another person to pursue. This one isn’t interested in you.
You’re acting like a jealous boyfriend, when you’re only a FWB.
Sorry to say that I don’t think she even wants that much with you anymore. Sounds like you caught feelings though, which sucks that it’s not reciprocated. At this point, I’d bow out and try to move on from this. She’s clearly moved on herself already and this guy is probably going to be her new FWB.
NTA for being upset though, it sucks when plans change last minute.
This does not sound like a FWB situation, at least on your end. You seem to want more. You need to have a discussion about this. NAH.
Sorry YTA to yourself but also in this situation. Seems like being FWB isn’t working for you. The FWB label exists to allow people to bang without having to prioritize the other person, make any commitment to the person and their feelings. You aren’t even fucking. So you are reduced even less then FWB. You are just friends rn. Friends can’t tell friends not to get hotel rooms with other people. It sucks for you for sure but this is the edge of the sword of non commitment. You agreed not to be committed and now she is acting like she isn’t committed. She has soft broken up with you and is trying to set up a situation where you dump her cause she is adamant that nothing in this situation is changing. Whatever you were hoping to happen with her won’t happen. The only conclusion is a break up and the only thing you can do is try to save your dignity as it ends.
If this isn’t fake, it’s just very sad
You obviously don’t want to be FWB. You’re not in a relationship. She can sleep with whoever she wants. You can’t be mad because you agreed to just be FWB. You can be bummed that plans changed but some times it happens and she let you know ahead of time. My advice is to move on. She just wants to be FWB and obviously you want more.
NTA. Take some space from this person!