So i got into an argument with my mom recently about how when she asks for things from
Me i do them but its reversed she always makes an excuse. And It came out that I dont plan on inviting her to my wedding.
Why you may ask?
Well my whole 23 years of existence whenever I ask my mom for things there is a 90% chance of her saying no or making an excuse. It could be something small like getting mcdonalds to something large like asking for a ride somewhere. And its been both good and bad (mostly bad) i am very independent and do almost everything myself since I was a teenager. We also grew up poor and she had gone through a divorce with my dad when I was 8. And whenever I asked for something she would say something "oh I cant promise that" or "we’ll see" or "im too tired from work" even though she never worked that day basically never giving me a straight answer. Now Im not greedy I dont ask everyday and dont expect for her to be my maid I only literally once a month and i still get one of those responses.
I’ve had this beleive for a while now. I dont plan on getting married anytime soon but my GF did ask for who I would invite to our wedding if it so happened and she noticed I didnt include my mom for the reasons said in this post.
So WIBTA?
NTA. It’s okay to match energy. If she never helps you out, she should not expect help from you.
However, not inviting your mom to your wedding is big. It will damage the relationship moreso. If you’re okay with that, then you’re good. Just consider the consequences first.
YWNBTA. I put this under “If she wanted a better child, she should have been a better mother.” At some point, a one-way relationship becomes not worth maintaining – regardless of who it is with.
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Ill give a notable examples
“Hey mom can you help me set up my able savings acount”
her response
“OH I’ve been working really hard and really need to get some sleep” she never worked that day or the day before and it was 2pm
“Hey can you go get something from 7/11”
My response
“I just woke up give some time”
Her response to that
“Come on It will only take a little bit of time plus I do alot for you”
Another 1
“Hey its gonna be pouring rain and I would like a ride to and from work” (this was before I got my license) I got off at 6am
Her response
“I have work that day” she started work at 8am
YTA and not mature enough to get married. She wouldn’t get you McDonald’s? Do you still live with your mom?
More info: do you live with her? Does she financially support you and/or the wedding?
Yes i do live with her. But shes more of a roommate along with being my mom.
I do all things I need to. I.E laundry, making my food, cleaning my room, general hygiene, transportation.
“Something large” like she won’t give you a ride somewhere…
Being the child of a single, working mom living in poverty, there was probably a lot she *couldn’t* give you, rather than *wouldn’t* give you. At some point you have to forgive your parents and look at them as having done the best they could in the situation at the time (obv not talking about abusive situations). Maybe when you’re more mature.
What do you think not inviting your mom to this hypothetical wedding would mean to her? That you got her back for your disappointing childhood? Don’t do something that would make your world suck more.
Do you love her? Do you want to write her out of your life? Because* not inviting your mother is a huge “I don’t want you in my life, you’re a bad person”, and if that’s not how you feel, YWBTA. If you actually think this behaviour of hers is so toxic, and you feel that you’ve been fundamentally neglected and therefore abused for your whole life by a woman who never gave a damn about you, then YWNBTA.
*unless you elope.
YTAH..I feel like your reasons are not valid enough to not invite her to your wedding. You do that when you want zero contact with her ever again but usually people do that for way better reasons. You kinda sound like an entitled AH at that
Kind of YTA. It sounds like you ask for a lot. You’re her roommate and she’s treating you like a roommate, not a child. While things like rides are needed, as an adult/teen these are things that she needs notice of at least a week in advance, and she is not obligated to provide any of these things because you are an adult. Denying or putting off things when you were a child must have been frustrating, but again, she didn’t really need to do any of those things in my opinion. Also, it’s gonna make things pretty awkward if you don’t invite her to your wedding and then continue to live with her.
This is a disproportionate response.
If you don’t intend to have her celebrate with you, disconnect from her sooner. Why wait to create wedding drama?
If it’s not worth cutting her out, have her at your wedding.