Sorry for the terrible writing, English is not my first language and I didn’t want to use Ai for this
This is a bit silly but I’ve had so many of my friends shooting me dirty looks that I really need another opinion. I (18) and another girl (17), let’s call her K sometimes get together to do labs (physics and chemistry) since our register numbers are close together and due to the lack of some apparatuses.
I’ve tried doing experiments with her but she either keeps running off to talk to her friends or call in another person because she thinks what we’re doing is wrong.
She doesn’t study or watch anything related to the experiment we’re supposed to be doing and ends up getting us a repeat on the experiment because she keeps delaying it or won’t let me do it.
This happened 5 months earlier and I’ve decided to not bother her when she wouldn’t tag along with me to do the repeated experiments. i had to delay 3 expwriments because of her. She doesn’t really help me out or even be engaged in the experiment.
Since then I did my labs separately, when we had to do labs together I did it silently and left it for her to figure it out when she came back. But my class mates mistook it as me being selfish and not giving her a chance to do it together. And from then on my classmates kept thinking I’m selfish and I only think of myself to pass the exams like it’s my responsibility to look after her. They even scolded me for not teaching her during chemistry labs when I was struggling and she didn’t even came to me for any advice. I struggle alot in labs but when I ask her or any other of my classmates about it they don’t even help me most of time.
Fast forward we’re close to finals and I’ve submitted my practical records to get signed but I found out K hadn’t finished it completely and had a meltdown. She had a few more experiments to do and the teacher was pretty much mad at her as she gave us an extra month to finish it all. The part which makes me an asshole is that when the teacher asked me why she didn’t finish her record I replied honestly that she skipped out on alot of classes and wasn’t willing to do it with me. This made the teacher explode on her and when I left alot of classmates told me I was a bitch and that I was being selfish and acting like a gatekeeper (?) . I’ve tried explaining she avoided alot of experiments and didn’t even let me help her but they think I never helped her.
I feel a bit guilty because there were times she did ask me for help but I found out she kept switching my lab books so it wouldn’t get signed or checked earlier and I had to show up on holidays so the teacher could check it so I was mad at her and refused to help her at that time. But now she might be hot be able to get her practical record certified and I feel guilty
You are not her babysitter, tutor, or nanny.
She’s dealing with the consequences of her own actions.
You should have informed the teacher long ago.
NTA.
I didn’t really inform the teacher because the teacher kept reminding us in class and in group chats and I found out she was doing labs with another classmate and she was learning….so I thought she would be doing her work,,,
nta fr, ur not her babysitter and she’s just facing the consequences of skipping and not caring 😭
So, was she expecting you to do it all for her?
I get that she’s this social butterfly but if she can’t focus and actually be engaged with the work/experiment then that’s on her. By the sounds of it you have tried to encourage her and are now fed up that she is constantly dragging her feet to get this stuff done.
If your classmates are so upset with it tell them that you’ll switch with them and they can get her through it because you’ve tried and you constantly feel like you are dragging her with you with no help from her or anyone else by the sounds of it.
This isn’t your problem – tell the others that you tried to get her to do it but she’s always off chatting with others when she should be doing. Tell them that you were going to fail unless you started doing it on your own and that you are sad that she didn’t want to do it together but you can’t help someone when they don’t want do it. And you’re not doing it for her.
they’ve started taunting that I’ll fail in exams as karma as what I did to her because they genuinely believe didn’t help her out at all…it doesn’t help that she used to complain to them about me doing my labs alone in lunch breaks. Her friends were mad at me but I noticed they didn’t help her when she was struggling with labs, not even other students bothered with her. I have no idea why I’m being targeted like this
Because they didn’t want to be saddled with her and you were an easy target. Sounds like they are singling you out. I hope this doesn’t escalate to full on bullying.
Nope you are her lab partner not her tutor or psrent. She did this to herself.
NTA. You are not responsible for her behavior, which is childish, lazy, and sometimes even sabotaging. You should have told the teacher a long time ago, but I remember from my high school years that reputations were important. Well, let me tell you, nobody who matters is gonna remember this in ten years and still be upset with you. You did what you could to preserve your grades. Let the rest go and refuse to partner with her again.
I didn’t really inform the teacher because the teacher kept reminding us in class and in group chats and I found out she was doing labs with another classmate and she was learning….so I thought she would be doing her work.,,, not to mention people started acting rude to me especially her friend group so i stopped interacting with her because i didnt really want to deal with it
but yeah thank you. I’ll probably laugh at this a year later but it sort of hurts because even my friends are being mean to me about this
NTA. Her labs are her responsibility. Don’t worry about your classmates at this point. They don’t care who is right or wrong. Just tolerate them until you graduate and get away from them.
You’re definitely NTA. There’s this common phrase in English that goes “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.” It means you can only get someone to do so much and then they have to choose to do the part they need to do.
You have her plenty of opportunities that she chose not to take, sometimes to the detriment of your own grade. At some point, it becomes necessary to let her go thirsty so that you can get the water you need.
Time for her to put on her big girl panties and take responsibility for herself and her education.
NTA. one of the key areas to grow in as a teen is to learn to do the things you need to do before you do the throngs you want to do. Some people just do it, some need to be told, but others need to feel the consequences if cannot doing what they need to before it sinks in. Some people never get there.
This is the key lesson my wife and i are trying to instill in our teens – for parents, baby stage is keep them alive,, toddler stage is keep them safe, grade school is keep them safe but let them begin to grow and learn how to do things and solve their own problems a bit, by teen years it’s about becoming a young adult and taking agency for you life while still being at home and having parents to assist if necessary.