My husband is turning 40 this year, and his bday falls on a Sunday. I understand this is a big, emotionally loaded one for him. I’ve organised a trip abroad with his friends, which is something he’s been wanting. There have been issues with planning the trip, which has caused him some stress and disappointment, and I think that is adding to how sensitive he may currently be feeling.
I work as a photographer, and my friend and I are starting a wedding photo business. This is something I’ve wanted to do for the last 5 years, but due to confidence/other issues, it hasn’t happened until now. Things are moving forward, and it looks likely that we will get our first booking on the Saturday (day before his bday).
When I told my husband, I was excited and hoped he’d be happy for me but he became really upset. He said as it’s his bday weekend we should spend the whole time together, even though we do not have plans for that Saturday, and we have the trip coming up next weekend as well. He said it wouldn’t be acceptable for me to work that day and that I’m being unkind for not seeing it his way. I can understand why this might feel hurtful to him given the big birthday, but this booking feels like a huge moment for me professionally (that may or may not even happen). I feel happy with where I currently am in my career, but also sad and guilty that what brings me joy and fulfilment has a negative impact on the family dynamic.
AITA for thinking it’s okay to go and do this on the day before his birthday?
EDIT: for a bit of context, I am away the weekend before, and we are both away the weekend after, and he feels we’re not spending enough time as a “family” (we have a daughter).
A 40-year old man being upset about you working the day BEFORE his birthday is not ready to be 40. What a baby.
Omg, seriously. What if his birthday fell on a Wednesday? Would OP have to take his birthday WEEK off?
OP, this is a moment for kind but firm empathy. “I know you’re having a hard time with this milestone, but I promise I’m here to experience it with you. We have an amazing trip planned to celebrate where I will be present and intentional in my focus on you. We can also do whatever you would like on Sunday, your actual birthday. But I am doing this job, it’s incredibly important to my career and I know you wouldn’t really want me to miss this opportunity that has no bearing or already-scheduled plans for your birthday and celebration trip.”
Put it back on him to realize he’s being selfish if he’s anything but happy for you.
Your husband is a big baby. NTA.
NTA, I don’t really think your husband is a HUGE asshole either.
Honestly from your post it sounds like he might just be in his feelings about a few diff things and is misplacing those emotions onto you/this situation.
NTA. ITts the day before, not the day of, he’s overreacting a bit, he should be happy things are going well for you
You say a few things that imply other problems—with planning the trip, with starting your business. So it’s hard to assess the issue of the day before his bday without context.
All by itself you are not AH for working an important job the day prior to a big bday.
How dare you work even in the MONTH of his *holy* birthday?! /s
Joke aside, NTA.
Oh FFS . It’s not like you are even working on his birthday. He is a grown man. Tell him that this first job for your business is important too. My 40th my husband was working away and I took my daughter to school, came home, made myself a coffee and relaxed for a bit. Tell him birthdays are one day not a whole weekend.
Are there really people like this?
Has he sabotaged your career before? Is he the one that chipped away at your confidence?
NTA
Explain to him birthdays are days, not weekends.
Can only speak for myself but I think birthdays are meaningless unless you’re a literal child. Your existence is equally as significant for the other 364 days of the year.
Most people work on their own birthdays as well. He’s sounds childish.
NTA-and your husband is acting like a child. You don’t get an entire weekend, week or month, your birthday is one day.
Being upset about turning 40 is silly. There are people who never get to make it to 40. Aging is a privilege.
NTA
When did birthdays become birthday weekends/weeks and wedding days become wedding months (or even years)? A day is a day. His behavior sounds like a needy 4 year old rather than an almost 40 year old. You made nice plans for his birthday and as your husband is supposedly an adult he should both appreciate that and be excited for your professional opportunity.