My father was absent for most of my childhood. I am the second oldest and he split when I was around 7 years olds. I have three other siblings ( my older brother, my younger brother and my youngest sister). Growing up everyone in the family hated him ( that includes me ) especially my mother and youngest sister.
My mother was not the best parent, she would be very verbally cruel. My trust in her is also gone due to her lying habit.
My father reached out to me when I turned 18 to get coffee. He apologized to me and wanted to fresh start. I was hesitant at the beginning but decided to forgive and move on. He reached out to the other kids when they turned 18 and they wanted nothing to do with him. ( that’s their choice and right)
He did explain why he left my mother and I confirmed it with her.
I am now 28 and I don’t regret it at all, he has been a huge help and support to me over the years. My relationship with my mother has been getting worse over the years, especially since she hates my husband to be ( she is very religious and he is not).
This is my problem, I invited my dad to walk me down my wedding. I want him at my wedding and to be a part of it. My siblings and my mom are pissed.
They told me that if I do this they will not come to my wedding. They want him uninvited form the wedding and that my mom should walk me down. I told them no. It resulted in an argument. I told them they need to get over it and I am not inviting him. They said they will not come and I told them that was fine.
NTA, not only your wedding = your rules and guests, but also it’s only _your_ personal choice if you want to forgive your father and keep him in your life or not. Neither your mother nor siblings have any saying on the matter
NTA. You rebuilt a relationship with him, you are allowed to enjoy the results.
If your mother hates your husband, she really shouldn’t be at your wedding anyway.
Oh don’t get me started on her not being happy is him not being religious
I’m not even religious and for some reasons he had it in her head i would find the right guy to led me to god
I don’t consider her a good person not matter how religious she acts
The most outwardly religious folks seem to be the worst offenders.
I don’t think I’d want someone who *hates me* at my wedding.
Because, ya know… this is *his wedding* too!
My step dad of 18 years bailed overnight, on me and my daughter, but my step sister is still my sister, and we’re very close. She obviously still talks to her dad lol at her wedding and any other events I’m going to suck it up and be civil and your siblings need to do the same
NTA at all
>He did explain why he left my mother and I confirmed it with her.
What’s his explanation for abandoning his children? Sure he explained why he left your mother but why did he leave you and your siblings?
My mom was cheating on him since I was born. I actually went to get a dna test to see if he is actually my bio dad.
He is
There is a real possibility that some of my sibling are my half siblings. My mom confirmed that she did cheat on him for years when I confronted her about it.
I did tell my siblings but they accused me of lying…
Another reason, my mom made it very difficult for him and he decided to wait until we were legally adults
So you mom hates your fiancé because he is not religious but she cheated for years!? Geez…people!
>I asked my imaginary friend to forgive me and he did, so it’s *your* fault, really
-religious narcissists
>my mom made it very difficult for him
Lots of people go through difficult divorce and custody issues. Giving up because something is difficult isn’t exactly a great quality for any adult to have. It’s even worse when it’s a parent giving up on being there for their kids.
You of course have every right to want him in your life. But I really can’t blame your siblings for being pissed about it.
He’s reaching out as each child turns 18. That’s a very specific pattern that says more about mom than dad. NTA. Your wedding, your plan, your rules.
NTA, it’s your wedding you can invite who you want as a guest.
That being said your dad disappeared while you all were kids, left you with a parent that was unqualified by your description, & waited until you all were of legal age/past child support to reach out & try to be present. That kind of behavior often rubs ppl the wrong way, especially if they feel they had to step into the gap to help support your mom & her kids in any way above & beyond what would normally be expected.
To be clear both your parents suck AND you can invite whoever you like. What you can’t do is make other ppl be comfortable with or accept someone they don’t like. And what you should do if you haven’t already is pursue counseling to ensure your marriage has a strong foundation & you’ve worked through the baggage your parents have left you before you opt to have a family of your own.
Congrats on your engagement & I hope you & your fiancé have a lovely day