I tried confronting my roommate, A, about their behavior, probably at the worst time, but I hate letting things simmer. A constantly dodges conversations, leaves trash and food out for days, ignores the chore board, refuses accountability (even for my cat getting into their room), and has told me things have been "awry" ever since I moved in because I communicate too much.
I’m autistic and struggle with indirect behavior, which I know, but they keep gaslighting me and telling me to "get a grip" whenever I try to talk. They even had a family member on speaker saying I was "rude to them", even though I’ve never met them. And if I had, it was breif and I would’ve shared a glance, wondering who this person was.
After months of this, I ambushed A after they’d been in the bathroom over two hours (shared with another roommate, B) to finally talk. I tried to stay calm, but I lost it a little, told them, "stop gaslighting me," and ended the conversation with "fine, go to your room." In an honorable fashion, A gave me some attitude against mine, and they left the door cracked.
I know the timing wasn’t ideal, but I was done being mistreated for six months. A’s behavior has been ongoing, and I feel like I had no other option. They deflate all conversations; both B and I have tried getting all three of us to speak to each other cordially. I have tried communicating clearly and directly, but it did not seem to work. [](https://www.reddit.com/submit/?source_id=t3_1qk0by8)
NTA- but sounds like things are unlikely to change.
Are they likely to move out amd transfer lease? I know rental market is particuarly terrible but Id be keeping my eyes open for alternative accomodation.
Good Luck moving forward
I have a whole bunch of links here that may be helpful for you, from another neurodivergent person
Check out autism and communication and Grey rock method
https://www.reddit.com/u/Deflated_Hypnotist/s/BOp4Y9uQVh
I might have missed it — what exactly made the timing bad?
I doubt it will change, though: NTA. After a long time being inconvenient, Roommate doesn’t get to choose a convenient time to be confronted.
Came here to say this. I need more context. However it sounds like they’ll always find an excuse. Very childish of them
NTA. Ignore criticisms and gaslighting from A when you are talking about accountability. Stick to the point. “You are ignoring the chore list. You are due to clean x, y, z.”
Talk to B. Maybe you can ask A to move and get a new roommate.
If it is possible then I would say it is definitely time to move out. It’s not a good fit for you there and they obviously don’t really want you there. Seriously consider moving.
NTA except to yourself for staying here. It’s always going to be a bad time because that helps avoid accountability. A has made it painfully clear that instead of addressing issues, they’re going to just badmouth you to everyone. Get out of there