I (38F) and a couple of friends (all late 30s to early 40s) were planning a farewell dinner for a friend who was moving away. We decided on a karaoke place, with private rooms and meal courses.
I was the one making the reservation for the dinner, so I made a group chat. One of our friends, Anna, said she wasn’t quite sure if she could make it yet. I asked if she wanted to be added to the group chat, and she said yes, so I added her.
One week before the dinner (about a week after I added Anna), I text the group chat that I will be making the reservation. No response from Anna, but she has seen the message, so I assume she will be coming. I make the reservation, and text the group chat about the cancellation policy. Cancellations up to 3 days prior are non-refundable. I send a screenshot of the store’s policy to the group chat.
On the day of the dinner, Anna texts the group chat that she’s not coming. I reply to my earlier message about the cancellation policy, and tell her she would have to pay the full price, about 60 dollars.
She becomes extremely upset and says that she never said she would come, and she only said she wanted to be added to the group chat, but never confirmed that she would come.
I gave her more than a week to make up her mind about coming, and she had the opportunity to let me know she wasn’t coming or just leave the group chat when I texted about making the reservation. Also, the fact that she texted last minute that she wouldn’t be coming makes it seem reasonable to assume that she was planning on coming, otherwise she wouldn’t have said anything at all.
In the end, I felt bad so I offered to pay for Anna, and one of our friends called the store and says someone got sick, and they let us off the hook. No thank you or apology from Anna.
Although I didn’t explicitly confirm she would come, was I really in the wrong for assuming she would?
Yes, you were wrong for assuming she would come. When money is involved, you need a definite response before booking. YTA.
ESH but slightly more you
Anna should have clearly RSVP’d
You shouldn’t have put yourself on the hook for money until she confirmed and just told her you aren’t reserving her a spot since she didn’t confirm
YTA. You need to get confirmation from each person before spending money.
Given she initially said she was a maybe you should’ve sought confirmation. So in that sense YTA
INFO: when you texted the group chat about the cancellation policy did you specifically state that a place had been booked for Anna and so she needed to let you know >3 days before if she couldn’t make it so the booking could be amended?
YTA. You need definite yeses to make a reservation. The rational decision would have been to clarify exactly who is coming in the group text and then make reservations based on that number. I would have even asked for payment from everyone before putting it on my card.
YTA anything other than a yes in this situation, is a no. Next time, do something along the lines of, “okay this is your last chance! If you don’t speak up after 00:00 on day of month, you won’t be included in the reservation!”
Especially with a mandated price per person, this is the safest way to do it.
Live n learn.
And you’re not owed an apology, you made assumptions.
yeah YTA. Being in a group chat is not an RSVP.
If money is involved, you should absolutely never ever do this again. ESH
YTA. She only asked to be added to the chat. She never confirmed she was going. You shouldn’t assume silence is a yes. You should assume it’s a no, especially if it comes with a price. If she ended up being upset that she wasn’t included you would be able to say “you never agreed”.
ESH but you suck more.
>No response from Anna, but she has seen the message, so I assume she will be coming.
This was your first mistake OP. Always get confirmation before doing anything. When making a plan for something, always make sure everyone is 100% coming to the event. This is why you suck.
Anna sucks for waiting until the day of the dinner to tell you and everyone that she wasn’t coming to it.
YTA. Don’t make payments for people. If they can’t be bothered to pay up front and on time, then they don’t get a reservation.
YTA. You never checked with Anna before making the reservation. “Hey, I know you weren’t sure. I have to make the reservation tonight so I need for you to decide in the next hour or two.” Nope. You just assumed since she hadn’t left the group chat that she was coming. Nowhere does it say joining a group chat requires you to pay for a meal lol.
Yta