Fake names given.
I (26M) have a group of 8 close friends (coed, 24-27). One of them is my fiancé, Beth (26F) We all met in college and tried to stay connected since then. We’ve had group dinners once a week, for a few years now.
These meals are always hosted at Alice (25F) and Carter (26M)’s home. Alice is an amazing cook. To her credit, she puts a lot of effort into it. She has appetizers ready when people get there, a big meal (meat, veggies, sides) and she always makes dessert.
We had our dinner on Sunday and Alice said she needed to talk to everyone. Her and Carter were having a bit of a tough time making ends meet right now. She loved the dinners, but they can’t afford to finance them right now, and that they were going to be on a tight budget the next few months. She proposed that everyone at dinner could help with a contribution of about $5 to $10 per meal, depending on how expensive it had been for her to buy ingredients + prep and cook it. She didn’t want to ask for money, but she thinks it’s fair because of the time and effort it takes to put together these meals every week. If no one was comfortable with contributing, we would have to meet once or twice a month.
I was annoyed by this, and even more annoyed when most of our friends (including Beth) said that they would obviously contribute, and to let them know if they needed anything else. The only other holdout was Tina, but for different reasons. Tina offered to host some dinners at her place and cook for everyone herself, in exchange for not having to pay them. Alica and Carter were okay with it, but everyone (including myself) vetoed the idea – Tina’s just an okay cook and Alica and Carter’s place is in a way more convenient spot for everyone, and has more room.
I just think that it’s ridiculous to make your friends pay for something that was supposed to be free. When we started these dinners, it was a given that no one would have to pay to attend. I don’t pay my friends for favors they do for me, and I don’t expect payment. And it’s not like she’s a private chef or professional cook. They (probably mostly Carter) are just trying to get money out of us.
So I spoke up at dinner and said I didn’t want to pay. I asked if Carter had to pay to attend the meal, and Alice said no, because it’s their shared home, and he helps her cook and clean up. That made me more annoyed. Carter is a total freeloading loser. There were some things said, as I was getting heated, and my fiancé had us leave early. The whole car ride home she was angry with me and saying I was a cheapskate, ungrateful, and rude. She’s been annoyed with me the past few days, and apparently a lot of the rest of the group is "disappointed" with me too.
So me and my fiancé sat down and she helped me write this post (there were some details I forgot) so I can prove to her that I’m not being unreasonable.
There it is, reddit: AITA for not wanting to pay for my friend to cook us dinner?
YTA, I would never take advantage of my friends like this.
YTA. You have some nerve acting like Caeter is freeloading when youre unwilling to pay a token amount to help Alice when she’s been cooking amazing meals on the regular for you for years. This behavior will leave you with no friends.
YTA
*The whole car ride home she was angry with me and saying I was a cheapskate, ungrateful, and rude*
She is absolutely correct, not to mention a shit friend.
YTA. Girlfriend is right. Apologize and pony up. You sound ungrateful and entitled.
So you don’t want to contribute to costs because they’re friends and “it’s not like she’s a private chef or professional cook”, but you also don’t want the dinners to be held anywhere else or to be cooked by anyone else, and you also haven’t offered to host.
YTA. But I don’t think it’ll be a problem – I doubt you’ll be invited again.
I have to agree with your fiance. It is expensive to put on a nice dinner for 8 people, and to do it every week makes it really expensive. It was perfectly reasonable for your friends to ask for a contribution for the food. YTA.
YTA but you know that already.
YTA
I hope your girlfriend and your friends ditch your cheap ass after that selfish performance
YTA…You are the one being a freeloading loser. Your friends share with you that they are having a hard time financially and instead of kicking in $10 for dinner you complain about how it should be free. I am guessing you don’t even have the courtesy to bring a decent bottle of wine or another beverage to share because that should be free too! You are a crap friend.
YTA. Like, in general, but in particular for talking up Alice’s cooking just to dog on her later with the “not even a professional” shit once presented with the idea of no longer getting a great meal for completely free.
Absolutely YTA. Food is expensive, cooking a meal once a week for 6 extra people adds up very fast. And that isn’t counting the time she puts into planning, shopping, and actually cooking.
If I were asked for $5-$10 I’d probably say that was too little and pay $15-20 depending on the meal.
Time to pull your head out of your rear end and realize how generous your friends have been.
[removed]
YTA. If I were Alice, I wouldn’t invite you anymore.
> Carter is a total freeloading l?ser.
Says the man who has been getting a free meal every week for *years!*