I live in a small apartment building with a shared garden at the back. We all get one raised bed. My neighbor (Lisa) always “forgets” tools, leaves her weeds on the path and sometimes last year she accidentally pulled up half my carrots thinking they were weeds. I was annoyed but I let it go.
This year I finally grew perfect tomatoes. I’ve been babying them for months. One day I came out to find Lisa picking them. A whole bowlful. She smiled and told me they looked so ripe and she thought she’d help before the birds got them. I snapped and told her those were mine and she had no right and that she’s consistently disrespectful of the shared space. I suggested that until she learns to ask and clean up after herself she’s not to use the garden. Our building’s group chat agreed. She respected the exclusion but was so furious and said I’d publicly shamed her over a few tomatoes and that I overreacted. Even my closest neighbor took her side on that and said I was just not willing to share and could have left her alone after the warning. I felt bad and tried to talk to everyone to forget the whole thing and let her use the garden but no one agreed. Even the neighbor that took her side was silent when she could have voted in support. Tbh my reaction was from the anger from the tomato incident not really her general behavior so AITA?
NTA she was just straight up stealing, she knew those weren’t her tomatoes. Also if literally not one person spoke up when you tried to bring her back into the garden, suggests to me she’s been pissing everyone off and no one wants here there, even the neighbor who took her side
???
Why do you feel bad??
Yes, you publicly shamed her over some tomatoes AS YOU SHOULD OF.
Look, people don’t have to take their medicine and thank you, they just need to take their medicine and if this neighbor would rather maintain an alliance with her thats cool.
Everyone doesn’t have to agree and be happy about everything all the time. That nonsense is why you lost your carrots last year. Sometimes we must correct behavior.
NTA.
NTA she sucks and she stole your stuff. You don’t have to back down just cause some other doormat says you should lay down flatter.
ESH
1 – Lisa for being a slob, a bad neighbour, bad gardener, and horrible ‘sharer’.
2 – INFO – did you have to share in the group chat? If so, then NTA. If not then TA
3 – Your fellow building mates- they said you were ‘unwilling to share’ but you never said you wouldn’t share…Lisa never ASKED…that’s a huge difference. Plus, it was no one else’s garden she was STEALING from, or pulling carrots from…so they can sit down and support you (which they did in their votes, but were too cowardly apparently to support you to Lisa’s face)
I’m curious as to why she’s fiddling in other people’s plants in general if everyone has their own raised bed? Like… why was she pulling what she thought were weeds in someone else’s garden bed? Why was she picking someone else’s tomatoes “so the birds don’t get them”? I guess trying to help? But, like, dude. Mind your business. If OP loses tomatoes to birds, they lose them to birds. That is their own issue.
INFO:
>I suggested that until she learns to ask and clean up after herself she’s not to use the garden. Our building’s group chat agreed.
Did you say this to her in the garden first, or did you just take it right to the group chat?
I think a lot of people are having a hard time reading or (very possible) I’m the illiterate one. People are not against OP; OP tried to reverse the ban and nobody supported that, not even the neighbor that took the lady’s side earlier, ie people still want the nosy neighbor gone.
Also, pulling up plants in somebody else’s bed is completely wild. She completely ruined your crop last year.
did she truly understand the shared garden concept or was it left open? Did she think it meant everyone plants, everyone harvests or you plant yours i plant mine stay away from my tomatos?
Tomatoes automatically mean you’re NTA
she was straight up trying to rob you of one of the most simple pleasures in life
the only time I didn’t get pouty when someone would steal from my garden was when my brother’s Irish Wolfhound would carefully and delicately eat *every goddamn strawberry I had* but
can’t get mad at the Best Boy
NTA. Sharing with someone means they *ask* first, not just assume you’ll be okay with it if they help themselves to a few of your tomatoes. She was a thief and got caught, that was just the tip of the iceberg that got her banned.
She thought it was cool to steal your perfect tomatoes? Those are so hard to grow! Lisa can go to hell.
She wasn’t helping pick your tomatoes for you. She was helping herself and wasn’t going to ask you if she could have some.
NTA. if Lisa doesn’t like being publicly shamed, she shouldn’t do shameful things. She went into Your garden bed *without permission* and took your tomatoes. That’s straight up stealing. Maybe you would have been happy to share if she had enough decency/respect to ask. I mean, you’re neighbors FFS, it’s not like she couldn’t figure out how to contact you. Lisa knew full well that she was stealing and was hoping to get away with it. The fact that majority of the other neighbors agreed to the ban indicates they are also displeased with her.