I (33f), have 2 children with Ex(34m). Our daughter (5f) has been hospitalized for 6 days so far. Of those 6 days, I’ve been here with her for 5. I’ve called in for work every time. Ex and I were both here day 1, but then he had to go back to work. I’ve kept him updated every chance I got. I work a 3rd shift, so I normally watch both kids if they don’t have school. We live in a state that was hit with a pretty big snow storm and the hospital is an hour drive on a normal day, so "rotating" who stays with her wasn’t really an option. I needed to get back to work as daughter has health insurance through me. My mom offered to call in so that way I could go to work last night. School was canceled, so I had our son (6m) with me while Ex worked. At 11:30am the doctor called me saying she was scheduled for surgery at 5pm and I had to come back to the hospital to sign consent forms. Ex’s job takes him all over the state, so I never know what city he is in, and the only way I can get a hold of him is if he has access to wifi as our form of communication is FB messenger. Since this is already traumatic for daughter, I didn’t want to bring son in. So I set up "a plan b" for my dad to take him in case Ex was too far away. Dad lives 45 minutes away. I had texted Ex updates earlier in the day, and he never opened them, but when I got the surgery update and the time limit on when I needed to be there, I tried calling him. I only tried once, because there’s a certain tone that means one of us does not have internet connection (I knew it was him). So I called his job to try and relay the message to him. My exact words were "our daughter is in the hospital and I’m having a hard time getting a hold of him, can you please get into contact with him and have him call me." Fast forward a few hours later and he basically said I embarrassed him and jeopardized his career and that I should never call his place of work ever again for any reason.
I have screenshots available edited for privacy.
EDIT FOR CLARITY: I am under the impression that he has an app that gives him a phone number and he uses that for communication with his employer. I believe this phone number is also only available with his access to wifi (as he has not told me to use that instead of fb).
Also his Co workers know that he has children, he has taken them inside and gave a tour of the place. It is a male dominated field, so I don’t think he’s hiding a girl from me (not that I care)
NTA, it was an emergency. What’s career jeopardizing about one phone call about a sick child?
>What’s career jeopardizing about one phone call about a sick child
If he told work he couldn’t come in because of his sick child but they find out he’s not with said child.
Yeah, if there was any problem with his job, I think it’s because he’s lied to them before.
NTA. But your ex definitely is. I’m actually shocked at how selfish and toxic someone could be to say that you communicating to his job about his child in the hospital is “embarrassing”…
NTA
He doesn’t stop being a parent simply because he’s at work. That’s not how that works.
Of course he was embarrassed. Sounds like they had no clue and he had not shared any of this. It says so much about him and made him look bad. Obvi NTA that role is taken by him. Sending all my love for your daughter and her recovery.
NTA this was a rare enough situation that it was an actual emergency.
NTA and maybe, if you calling his place of employment embarrasses him, then he should be checking in with you to get updates about her. It shouldn’t be all on you to reach out and communicate. This is his child after all.
the idea that health insurance is tied to your jobs is baffling to me (as an australian)
NTA—a child in the hospital, especially for something serious enough for a multi-day stay and surgery, is worth getting a message relayed by whatever means necessary, and I’m confident that your ex’s coworkers/bosses agree with that and any threat to his career is all in his head.
NTA – Calling a job due to an ongoing medical issue while the employee may have limited communication is 100% understandable. I, personally, wouldn’t want to work somewhere where the mother of my child calls in trying to get in touch with something important.
You didn’t embarrass him. He embarrassed himself by being a shitty dad whose ex has to call him at his place of employment to let him know his child is in need of his support at the hospital.
I bet he’s dating someone in another department, openly, and hasn’t told her about an ex-wife and children. And you didn’t say ex, so ha hahahhahah. He is TA, not you, and he deserves whatever happened.
And Father of the year goes to……..not your ex.