For context, I’m 18 years old (f) and freshly new to college, the first semester I had a hard time sticking with certain friends and feeling included. After the first couple of weeks I had become friends with a girl in my program, let’s just call her Mia. Mia and I exchanged snaps leading me to text her when I was alone during the periods before class would start. This lead me to becoming friends with a guy also in her and i’s program. I met him through her, because they were always hanging out and they sort of had a thing going on. For the next month or so, it would just be group of us always hanging out in between classes and having really deeps conversations in the car. Me and Mia became super close, she always had my back and never ever made me feel left out. I also became good friends with her "man" and came to the conclusion that he was just a genuine good guy who I could just trust. Everything kind of broke when my girl Mia decided that she just wasn’t cut out for a serious relationship at the time, and she ended things abruptly with him as soon as she realized. She made a couple of bad decisions, which I will not be going into, but eventually I found out what happened and tried to be there for them both. After the "breakup", the guy seemed more impacted by it than Mia, and it genuinely made me worry for him because I know how hard breakups can be. So I gave him advice and had a deep talk with him for a bit to try and make him feel better. He would ask me questions about her and from my perspective and the thing about me is that I can’t lie, especially to people who I consider my friend, so I gave him honest answers. Afterwards Mia found out, and looked through our whole conversation. Mia felt betrayed, and was hurt that I was texting him behind her back and answering the questions truthfully. I totally could see where she was coming from, and I felt TORN. On one side I was there for my friend when he needed me and gave him the advice he would need, on the other hand I totally outed my girl Mia and sort of back stabbed her. Things have settled down now, but I’m still friends with the both of them. To be clear I am more closer to Mia but the guy is more like a brother than anything, and I know what that feels like because I do have an older brother lol. So in the end AITA for not picking sides over a "relationship" breakup between my two friends?
Edit: for more clarification, I did not tell him everything that happened, he just asked me if he should wait around for her or move on. I said in all truthfulness it’s best if u just move on. She got tangled up with her toxic ex again and the guy already knew that omggg. I didn’t have to tell him shit, he knew everything he just asked me for advice and as a friend I gave it. I’m genuinely trying to learn from this because I do not know how to handle situations like this properly. Also I know covering for your friends is the right thing to do, but I’ve been cheated on before in that past and it sucks. Not everything is black or white.
It seems like you told Mia’s ex things she told you in confidence after they broke up? In that case I would say YTA for that. Unless Mia did something so wrong ex deserved to know, you don’t really discuss what you told Mia’s ex about Mia.
Well… as you’re finding out, “not taking sides” will be perceived by at least one as “taking sides”. It is a very difficult tight rope to not take sides when friends break up. I’m sure someone will say its possible, I don’t think it is.
That said, your strong moral stance of “I can’t lie” is pretty bullshit. You have apparently no problem breaking your friends confidence and giving her ex all sorts of inside information. Someone who can’t lie and “isn’t taking sides” and actually has some moral character would have said to this dude “Look I want to be supportive, but you’re asking questions that I don’t think I should answer.”. But you didn’t. Your so called morals led you to narcing on this women who “you are closer to”. Plus, you most definitely took sides.
so YTA.
YTA. Not taking sides means, you’re not supposed to act as a bridge. I would assume you said things to the guy about the girl when he asked which is a violation of trust. You clearly don’t know what it means to “not take sides”. If I were your girl friend, I would cut you off. Because you showed me that you cannot be trusted.
MYOB. This will help you. You know nothing. It is not fair of them if this is what they expect.
Dude YTA. The thing about you is you cannot lie ? Some truths are not yours to tell, you shouldnt have betrayed your friend like that and told the Guy that he needed to clarify with your friend if he had questions.. you would not be a friend of mine after that
Yta bro like no offense but are you good? You don’t have any morals you broke girl code lol like you clearly chose the guy over the girl you said you more closer to? Plus you revealed info that you could’ve told him that you weren’t comfortable sharing.
You literally might be the smartest person ever 😮 I fully support everything Fancy_arm_120 says from this day forward🫡
I’m not saying you’re not the A😭 like bruh you literally chose a side. You could’ve said no to sharing any info, but instead you pulled that and broke someone’s trust. Someone you said you were close to smh
unfortunately, YTA. although i believe you didn’t have bad intentions, the best route to take would have been to not talk to him about his and Mia’s relationship at all after they broke things off. If you and Mia were friends first and closer and you met him through her…yeah girl i would have been upset if my friend did that to me.
Yeah “backstabbing” your gf and claiming it’s “because you cannot lie” seems like toxic positivity to me tbh. Framing betrayal as virtue. I wouldn’t be friends with you anymore.