I (20F) am the oldest of four, and my sister the youngest 10F. I’ve been babysitting and taking care of my siblings since I was very young, so I grew up with a lot of responsibility. Now that I’m older, I’m trying to live my own life, but my parents keep pulling me back into that role, which has caused tension between me, them, and my sister.
Whenever I go out with friends, my parents insist I take my sister along. If I say no, I’m called selfish. I don’t mind taking her sometimes, especially if my friends have siblings her age, but it always feels like I’m babysitting and can’t enjoy myself. When I want to spend time alone with my adult friends, I decline because it doesn’t make sense to bring a 10 yr old.
Still, my sister clings to me, and I’m often pressured into taking her, which mentally drains me. And when I take a stance and say no, when I come back home I’m guilt tripped.
We also share a room (which is normal in my culture). I take up more space because I’m 20 and have more belongings, but my parents accuse me of being controlling and selfish. Even though my sister admits she doesn’t have things to fill the space I use, my parents have convinced her that I’m taking what’s “hers.” They also tell her that anything I own belongs to her too whenever she complains about me having way more stuff than her.
Recently, after I took back something of mine I had let her use because she did something that PMO, my parents forcibly gave it to her, which made me furious. And we all got into a heated argument (still ongoing).
\-So AITA? Is this my fault?
(Ps: My mom, the youngest sibling, always takes my sister’s side because of her own trauma with her older siblings. ( No matter what I do, I’m always labeled the villain, compared to the older siblings who traumatized her). My dad is a middle child, so neither of them understands what it’s like being the oldest daughter. To them, I’m always the selfish, angry, tyrannical older sister)
NTA – they need to understand boundaries.
You’re an adult. Guilt only works if you let it. Time to move.
NTA – but is seems that the only way to end this is to live on your own.
You’re 20 years old – if you haven’t already started planning/saving to move out, it’s time to start.
You’re not the asshole
You’re in a typical first born place, with too much responsabilties, forced to be part time parent ’cause your parents might struggle even with all the efforts possible, to be able to take care of her (or pay for someone to watch her), so many familles tend to rely on the olders siblings when they’ve got to work and bring food on the table.
However putting the first born in a place where they are parenting their own siblings is not a position that I wish to anyone.
’cause you’re supposed to live your childhood, your teenager years, without the worry of an adult life.
They are transfering their responsabilities on you, and many mechanism seems unhealthy in ways they’re making you each other compet
That’s pretty normal to grow tired of a situation like this and widhing for indépendance so you don’t have to always watch your own sisters ’cause your parents can’t.
NTA. Looks like your parents want you to take this responsibility forever. You need to figure out how to move out. Do you study or work? If you have your own income, start saving and lock your credit if your country use credit companies.
NTA. This is called parentification. Parents are making you responsible for their other children. They have put you into a role often called “the responsible one” that is the child they set up to do what they demand to make their lives easier.
What your parents are doing when they call “selfish” is what is known as projecting. They are using you simply to make their lives easier. That is the definition of selfish.
No, you are not the problem. You parents are just abusing you.
NTA
You definitely need to be planning your exit, because this isn’t going to change. I mean your parents suck for sure, and are completely out of line here, but it’s not going to get better until you don’t live there any more.
NTA. Its ridiculous for a 10-year-old and a 20-year old to share a social life (except, perhaps, for events with families that also have children around 10 years old, which you mention). Your parents are literally wrong when they say your sister owns everything you do.
The only thing I might suggest is that you figure out some kind of storage solutions so that you and your sister each fit your belongings in half the room. I’m not convinced that she should get less space because she’s younger.
NTA. This isn’t just unfair on you. It’s making her dependant on you. She will grow up not knowing how to function without you. You have to put a stop to it for both your sakes. Tell her yourself that your things are not hers no matter what your parents say.
Why do your patents treat you like you’re 12?
Start doing adult stuff in front of her and then hopefully they’ll realize having a 10 year old spend all their time with a 20 year old is a bad idea.
NTA move out and go no contact til they reflect and do better. Then stay moved out and be low contact if you want but I’d leave them with their little baby and no way to get to me if I were you
Hey mom and dad, if I’m so horrible why do you keep trying to force me to take care of someone who is your responsibility? And don’t you understand that labeling somebody something repeatedly starts to turn them into that label? Shouldn’t you try and encourage loving and healthy relationships instead? Sounds like you guys need to go to counseling or I’m going to have to move out.
NTA.
It really sucks your parents parentified you growing up. Your parents need to be parents and stop pushing this onto you. I would recommend working towards moving out because this won’t stop until you’re no longer living with them
I was the oldest of 5. The responsibility made me not want children of my own.
NTA