i (25M) have been friends with another (25m) about 12 years,we went to same school and staed close into adulthood. he’s the only son living with parents ahd got no financial resposiblities , During covid he became extremly into anime and VTUBERS, spends almost all his income on merch.
his mother often asked me and other friends look out for him because we are more independent and outspoken, So i tried to help him turns his hobby into something healthier , encouraging him to do art commision and sell anime figures at conventions and helping him to meet more people , I don’t even like anime or Vtubers, But i just forced myself to learn and participate to support him during all these time.
His Dream was to go japan, so we went together for the first time. During that trip, almost everything revoled around anime shopping. he went to the same anime street over and over and i often waited outside stores for hours watching his bags because he didn’t want to carry them. i barely experienced japan bejoynd that. i didn’t complain much but i really exhausted.
A year later, we went to japan again, This time i told him honestly that i didn’t want to repeat the same experience like last time. i said he could go buy anime stuff alone and i would walk around,eat,and enjoy the city myself,and we could meet later and go back to the hotel together.
After we came back , everything changed. i later found out he told our mutual friends that i was an AHOLE because i (abandoned) him. that we went to japan together but i traveled solo all the time. and no one helped him watch his things so he had to carry everything himself.
i was also told he complained that i didn’t share costs the way he expected. Since im not around him that time, he need to pay for his own travel fees locker fees and food ( if im around he could split the total cost to save money ) . i never confronted him, i acted like i didn’t know about it but suddenly he stopped talking to me entirely, he stopped attending group events, didnt answer calls, and eventually disappered from our friend group while forming a new circle centered around anime and Vtubers.
Now i feel hurt , angry and honestly disgusted by how things ended, i cared about him for years and tired to help him grow, but once i set a boundary , he painted me as the villain and cut me and other friend off and start a new friend circle and now act like he never meet us at all.
Bullet dodged tbh g. Sounds like a pretty one way friendship. When you’re all 40 and you have your friends and all his online friends are gone and he’s alone he will regret it, don’t let him back in. Best to drop the leech now. NTA
NTA
This guy didn’t want a travel buddy, he wanted a babysitter.
You didn’t carry his bags? Of things he bought for himself? Oh the horror!
Servant not babysitter
NTA. Sounds like he didn’t particularly like you as a person or friend, he just thought you were convenient to have around. I know the exact street you’re talking about and while there’s for sure some cool stuff there if you’re into vtubers and anime, even the most anime-obsessed people in my life (and I work with anime conventions, so I know plenty) wouldn’t spend more than a day or two of the trip there, and *certainly* wouldn’t force a travel companion to come along. He’s complaining because you made him act like an adult. I went to Korea with a friend who doesn’t like kpop and when I did a few hours of kpop shopping, she split off to go wander around and chill at a cafe. I carried my own bags, even though they were heavy and inconvenient, and we met up again a bit later. Because that’s how adults interact and travel together. You were on the trip to also go on vacation, not to be his designated Bag Man.
It’ll suck to have lost the friendship for a while, but in the long term I think you’ll be better off without him.
NTA Just take this as a life lesson that you need to set your boundaries at the start, and that good friendships are compromises and mutual give-receive. If there’s just give than you are being used, like in the case with your ex-friend.
NTA
Not sure how you can consider him a good friend after all you really ever did was babysit him all the time. The day I go on a trip and wait around for someone else to do hours of shopping while I hold their bags! Not sure why you tolerated that from him back then.
All he’s done is treat you like a combination ATM and babysitter.
He hasn’t been a “friend” for a long time – if ever.
You would probably do well to drop him entirely.
NTA.
NTA
Why are you upset? He threw himself out.
He expected you to pay for his things, to hold his bags, to be bored out of your mind in an amazing country!
I’d love to be able to visit Japan, there’s so much I’d love to see and experience.
You created a monster. People treat us the way we let them, and your handholding made him think he’s permanently entitled. Dont make that same mistake again.
Don’t threaten me with a good time!
Seriously, I would be glad that he doesn’t want anything to do with me.
NTA
Yeah no, this is giving main character syndrome. Dude wanted Japan to be an anime shopping simulator and expected you to just stand there holding bags like an NPC. You tried to help him grow, supported his interests even though they weren’t yours, and the second you said “hey I wanna enjoy my trip too” he flipped the script. That’s not abandonment, that’s having boundaries. Painful ending but I don’t think you did anything wrong.
>and no one helped him watch his things so he had to carry everything himself.
And?
>Since im not around him that time, he need to pay for his own travel fees locker fees and food
This dude is a user. Consider yourself lucky he found other targets.
NTA I think you should celebrate not having your be his nanny anymore.
Throw yourself a party to celebrate the fact that you are no longer connected to a selfish toddler who expected you to take care of him.
He’s an adult and doesn’t want to adult. You agreed to keep babying him and now you’re angry that he wasn’t grateful. People like him never are.
Consider this a lesson learned and move on.