For backstory i am a 19F and has 2 older sisters 29F and 35F. I was a “surprise” which explains the 10 and 15 age gaps. But ever since ive been born my sister has been sorta jealous of me. The 29 yo sister “carrie” has always been jealous that i get “special treatment” from our mother. I live alone with our single mother so our relationship i feel is alot better than my other sisters and ofc i would get things that my sisters wouldnt sense they dont live with us, But everything that i get that she doesnt get she basically throws a fit and complains that “shes the middle child and she never gets good treatment” when that is definitely not true. For instance my mother is always over at her house talking with her and hanging out with her kids and has always been there for my sister when she needed it and even given money to her mutiple times when she and her husband needed it. At the beginning of December my mother had asked me what i wanted for Christmas, i had told her “nothing! I really dont need/want anything this year” and thought that was that. When Christmas came she had gave me a $100 ulta gift card because i love wearing makeup. My sister wanted me to come over to hang out on Christmas day. I stupidly brought my card so i could checkout what i wanted at ulta and she saw the card and said “where did you get that?” I said “oh mama got it for me” she said “wow, i think its not fair you get more than me but oh well” i joking said “ well if you were the baby then you would to.” I didnt know that me saying that would cause such drama. She immediately stopped what she was doing and just stared at me and said “do you hear yourself” i said “yes…. Why” and she immediately broke into tears. Heres the thing i didnt realize it till now but it was a shitty thing to say but i did say it in a joking manner so i didnt think it would be a big deal. She then went to tell me “so you think i have to be the youngest to be love” and how that was an awful thing to say to her. I told her it was meant to be a joke and that i didnt mean to upset her. I kept apologizing over and over but she wasnt having it so i decided to just get up and leave. As i was out the door she yelled “Go bitch at me to mama like you always do.” She thinks that i talk bad about her to our mother behind her back which is definitely false and i told her that and she kept screaming at me. I havent talked to her since Christmas and im wondering if i am at wrong. Id love to hear some opinions and if you have any questions please let me know!
Edit: i am currently writing out a apology to my sister as i type this. Thank you so much reddit for being brutally honest to me that was a very shitty thing for me to do and im going to be a better sister. Im also going to take her out on a date as an apology. Thank you!
Update: my sister has accepted my apology and appreciated me for understanding where she got upset and how that affected her. Although it seems all is well i still feel very horrible about this and will 100% be thinking more about how my actions can affect others because the thing i dont want the most is to hurt others over me saying something hurtful. I want to say thank you for all your comments and declaring me the asshole.
INFO: what did your sister get for Christmas from your mom?
YTA. You said you knew it was a shitty thing to say so what’s your question? Saying shitty things “in a joking manner” doesn’t make it ok.
YTA. That was a shitty thing to say and you know it.
I’m really sorry but YTA. Your sisters should not be treated differently to you. If you got a 100 dollar gift card so should your sisters. You know that you are treated differently and subconsciously you took that gift card to show off and then threw it in her face with your comment that she would get what you got if she was the youngest. Have some compassion for your sisters and encourage your Mum to treat you all the same.
YTA. Saying things “in a joking manner” doesn’t automatically make them jokes.
Also, with the huge age difference, is it possible that you get more than your siblings did growing up because your mother is older, more experienced, and likely has more money than when your sisters were growing up? Quite often, siblings have very different experiences with the same set of parents simply because the parents are in different stages of life, experience, and financial situations with each child. Your sisters may indeed be jealous of your position which is no one’s fault, (you can’t pick your birth order) but you don’t need to rub it in their faces.
YTA your mother got your sister nothing and then you rubbed it in her face and said you deserved it cause you’re the baby. you’re favored and refuse to acknowledge it. gross.
Oh no, OP absolutely acknowledged it. Right in her sisters face so it would hurt a little extra.
YTA
Day-to-day it makes sense that you get different things given your age.
But for holidays? Absolutely not. You should all be getting the same quality of item ms.
I’m the youngest. I have never received more at any holiday than any of my siblings. Why? Because, apparently, my mom didn’t suck. (And yes, your mom sucks for doing this.)
Did it ever occur to you that such big age gaps between you and your sisters that your mom may have – you know – not treated your sisters the same because she was not as experienced as a mother or may have had more financial issues than she did when she had you? You’re blowing off your sisters experiences which you weren’t even there for and know nothing about, and now rubbing it in her face. YTA.
YTA. My parents spend the same amount on me and my sibling for holidays and we’re both adults
As a youngest child with an older sibling who resents that I was “spoiled”, YTA. The situation isn’t your fault but what you said was just mean.
It’s sounds like being the favored youngest has not helped you to develop any empathy or tact.
YTA
It’s not *your* fault that your mother is unfair, but you sure do relish in the favoritism quite ungraciously. You will never know what your sister’s experience is because you’re not her and you were not alive/a baby when she was your age.
Your reaction comes across like you think this is a zero sum game. Your sister doesn’t seem to want your mother to stop being nice to you, she just wants to be doted on, too. You haven’t empathized with her at all and to to top it, you were cruel. Please understand that she’s not upset because she wants nice things. She’s hurt on a deeper, emotional level. I’m also sure gifts aren’t the only thing you get more of than she does or did at your age.
You’re a young adult now, so it’s time you work on having a more positive relationship with your siblings. At some point, they’ll be your only immediate family members left and you’re going to need them. Considering that your sister voluntarily went shopping with you as a bonding activity, I’ll bet you haven’t noticed or appreciated what she does to be there for you. Your mother won’t be around forever.
YTA. Your sister *was* the youngest for *10 years*. A new sister at that age probably totally changed her mental image of her place within the family; a lot of middle kids struggle with that. And you living with your mom and receiving things so often *now* may be perpetuating the sense of rivalry, when your mom probably has both more time and money to spare than when your sister was your age. Your comment was uncalled for and hit a nerve. Was she being jealous and/or petty? Maybe. But you had no need to throw something like that in her face, ‘joking’ or not. Maybe reexamine your privilege…
An insult disguised as a joke is still an insult.
Your mother showed your favoritism and you rubbed it in her face.
Let’s get a few things clear:
– She goes over to your sister’s house primarily because of the grandkids. I know my parents love me, but they’d be over 100x more for my kids than me(if they didn’t live on the other side of the country). I have an amazing relationship with my parents, but grandkids make your parents go crazy with wanting to be around.
– Your mom helping your sister with I’m assuming bills isn’t the same as giving gifts. It’s ensuring they aren’t buried in debt. Which I hope most parents would help with if capable.
– You must clearly talk about her to your mom. Why else would she say that? Hmm…
– You could’ve built your ulta cart and checked out once you got home. You didn’t need to bring it.
– You acknowledge your relationship is better than your sisters. So you throw that in her face? That’s cruel.
YTA