To give some background me and my sister moved out of our parents house around the middle of October. She made friends with this guy, let’s call him John at the place we all worked at at the time and he moved into our house informally, wasn’t on the lease or anything. My sister vouched for him, said he’d be chill.
To keep it short, John wouldn’t abide by the house rules, stole things, was disrespectful, wouldn’t help around the house, wouldn’t clean up after himself and his friends, relied on my sister to help him pay his bills and then moved out without paying his share of rent in December.
My sister wasn’t present in the house at the time that all this stuff happened due to health problems, but I’ve had multiple talks with her about it and she knows that I’m not very comfortable with him being at our house.
She tells me that he’s one of her only friends and that he helps her do stuff and run errands because she doesn’t have a car right now. She asked me if he could come over and do his laundry at our house because the place that he’s at doesn’t have a washer or a dryer. I said that was fine but every time he’s come over to do his laundry he’s there for like upwards of 8,9,10 hours.
Since then he’s been over multiple times to do laundry and sometimes my sister invites him over without telling me. She’s lied about him leaving as well. I’ve had to find out from other people staying in our house and the ring cameras. She knows that I have a bad history with him and that it makes me uncomfortable when he stays over for too long. I’ve asked her to go hang out with him somewhere outside the house and she says that they can’t because she doesn’t have a car, and there’s no place for them to go.
Am I being an asshole about not wanting to have him over for super long, especially when me and my sister aren’t in the house and wanting to know when he comes over??
NTA at all. She’s his friend? She can go to his place. He can also just use a laundromat like any other normal person that doesn’t have a washer or dryer. If there’s none in your area, he can treat it like one and pickup and drop off.
NTA. I’d tell your sister he was a bad roommate so he was asked to leave do you don’t want him there because he’s around so much he might as well be a housemate. I’d tell her if he is more than a regular visitor that’s up to her but you won’t renew a lease with her. Btw, he’s her bf, not her friend.
If you are the roommate now , absolutely not and them goes if you have someone over that your roommate asks not to have over
Why would you let a guy who didn’t pay his share of the rent use your washer and dryer? NTA but you both need to grow a backbone
sounds to me like he’s living out of his car and doesn’t have anywhere to go
Definitely not. This guy sounds like a dick, this is absolutely reasonable. You are being very accommodating as is.
To confirm:
1. You and your sister have been roommates for a whopping total of 3 months.
2. Within 4-6 weeks she ‘vouched for’ a guy to move in as a third roommate. I’m assuming you two didn’t select a 3-BR apartment. I have to wonder (1) why did John need a place to stay, (2) for how long, and (3) WHY would you and your sister want to take on a third roommate when you had just set up the two of you living together?
3. The guy was a disaster of a roommate (and a thief!) immediately and moved out without paying rent.
4. So your sister apparently had no friends when she lived with your parents. As soon as she got a bit of independence, she immediately became attached to this one person. A person she knows has stolen things from her home. She moved out without having her transportation figured out and now relies on him to provide it for her.
5. So your sister does not have her own act together. She brings in a guy who wreaks havoc with your home and your belongings, and wants to keep bringing him back into your home/life… and you have said yes repeatedly – even knowing that the tiny ask becomes a big take. At least, now, you want to put a small bit of a brake on things.
6. Even though the guy does not officially live at your place, he apparently has no home that him and your sister can go hang out at. Do you even know where he (claims to) live?
You don’t say how old you/your sister are, but I think she was not anywhere close to ready to move out and live independently. She is getting sucked deeper and deeper into a very unhealthy relationship, and you are tied to her through the lease.
I think you need to tell her that the guy cannot come into the apartment to do his laundry’ he cannot be in the apartment when she is not there, and there also need to be limits on how much he can be there. He absolutely cannot have a key to the place (which he probably already does).
You probably need a lock on your door, too. You need to figure out if you can get our of leasing with her. You can try to help your sister escape this guy’s grasp, but if she wants to keep being his willingly blind victim, then you at least have to do everything you can to protect yourself.
That may mean trying to get out of the lease, if at all possible. At a minimum, get a lot firmer with your sister about your boundaries and no longer enabling her desire to enable this guy.
My sister is 28 and I’m 25. We’re renting a 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom from a friend of mine and there is another person 25F staying here as well.
John doesn’t have a key but he knows to come to the backdoor to get in when my sister leaves it open for him.
I don’t want him here at all but my sister won’t listen to me.
I have trusted her a lot with everything when we were living with our parents but that trust is quickly eroding.
John is living on the floor of his mom’s house and she apparently doesn’t have a washer or dryer. John said she is a hoarder or something. He brings a huge black trash bag full of clothes when he does laundry here.
Tell your sister bus passes are usually around $50. She shouldn’t be OK with him doing that to you. If the “it’s a shit move” argument doesn’t work with her, he definitely will do it to her once the payoff is better than having her around.
YTA for not filing charges. YWNBTA if you kicked him out and got a restraining order.