This happened at a church I am part of, I am the responsible for the media section of the service, I take care of the software and the hardware side, I have people helping me set up and put back the equipment but it is well established that it is "my area" and I am responsible for it.
Couple of Sundays ago, while helping, this one guy gets frustrated at a plastic box with a clip handle not opening and goes to jerk it and snap the handle open, breaking the box. I didn’t really say anything, this guy is known for being a bit of a ~~simple~~ (I’ve been made aware the proper term is "dense") person (one time he snapped at some cables not coiling correctly and jerked them like a whip, almost hitting a guy in the face with them) so I let it go, thinking it’s just a plastic box.
It’s been now a couple of Sundays that this guy has been talking lightly and almost bragging about breaking the box, pointing at it with his friends and laughing, saying "bro last time I broke this crappy box look at that". After a couple of times hearing this, this behavior about breaking someone else’s stuff, then "bragging" about it really took me on the wrong angle, so I respectfully (and I do mean it) told him "it’s fine that you broke it but please get a new one, it’s like $2-5"
Dude starts raising his voice, saying he could’ve smashed other stuff if he did it on purpose, that it wasn’t something he wanted to do, and that I was "talking too much", I am not one to not reply in tone and let someone be a bully, so I squarely told him that the box only broke because he wasn’t careful with it, so while he didn’t do it on **purpose**, there was *an* intentionality behind it, just treat things with care. In his words, I somehow told him he’s an idiot that can’t open boxes. He then turns around saying if I want stuff put away to do it myself, I agree and say it’s something I have done for years, I thank him for the help but don’t *need* it.
5 minutes, he starts raising his voice again, calls me directly as I walk past (stuff like "you, yes you!" pointing at me) and the discussion starts again, he threatens again to breaking stuff, said he could’ve cracked and thrown away my glasses, telling me to try something (a comment I, in my disbelief and mistake, laugh at, I am double the height and three times as heavy as this guy, fact that I make clear to him in the moment as a joke) and generally being a nuisance, repeating that I told him to pay for something he broke "in front of everyone" (the four guys helping put equipment away). The pastor sees the commotion and comes in.
Dude lies about what happened, Pastor lets him talk, I ask if I can share my side/view of the story, I get two sentences in before the Pastor interrupting me and saying it’s stupid to argue about a box (directly at me, as if I am the one that initiated the "fight"), I agree, and ask him if he thinks the problem is the plastic box, he says yes, I respectfully tell them I am not part of this one sided conversation, salutations, and leave.
AITA?
NTA but id tell the pastor if he doesnt like you taking care of things then you will stop and go find a church where you are appreciated.
[removed]
Sounds like it’s time to find a new congregation. Your pastor is unsupportive and unappreciative of your help. Let him turn to the guy who threatened to beat you up because he was mad that you weren’t supportive of his bragging about only breaking one thing this time.
NTA. The guy was acting out like a child and your pastor missed the point entirely. Not a good trait in a pastor. Find another church. If that isn’t possible for some reason, stop helping the church because the pastor doesn’t appreciate it and is evidently impressed by bombastic behavior.
Am pastor. I have to personally tolerate a lot..and I mean a LOT…but *nobody* messes with my staff and volunteers. Some dude once tried to scam an elderly parishioner of mine. The parishioner called me, and I helped the scammer have a personal conversation with the FBI. Shepherds look after their flocks. It’s in the job description.
Go to your pastor directly. If they still won’t help, escalate to whomever supervises your pastor, Deacons, SPRC, etc. If that fails, I would find another church.
NTA
remind the pastor it’s volunteers who make the church run, and seeing how most of the incidentals for stuff like AV (little cables or boxes like that) are donated… the last.thing you need are blowhard jeckwads breaking shit…
And this one’s cost the church plenty
He shouldn’t be bragging about breaking things.
You shouldn’t be taking this so personally.
ESH.
If it’s really that big a deal for you, tell the pastor that you can’t work with folks who don’t respect the church’s property and try to start physical altercations with you…and stop volunteering.
NTA
Quit.
Let the box breaker take over media responsibilities.
ESH.
You’re both volunteering to serve in your church, a box got broken, and instead of acting with maturity you’re both fighting over it and insulting each other.
It’s a box. Either ask your pastor if the church minds replacing it, replace it yourself, or leave it broken. I’d assume you’re at church because you believe in Jesus, maybe reflect on whether this is the person you want to be and how you’re called to respond to these situations as a Christian (with grace and forgiveness).. the pastor likely told you to let it go because he knows both of you involved, and if the other guy has an intellectual disability and you do not, he expected that you’d opt to move on and not continue to argue about a box.
>you’re called to respond to these situations as a Christian (with grace and forgiveness).
Did you miss the part of the other two times this has happened and nobody said anything?
I don’t disagree, mind you, but it doesn’t feel like you read the thread body.
>It’s a box. \[…\] not continue to argue about a box.
So you **also** think this is about the box. Now I *have* to assume you didn’t read the body.
Sometimes Church going people are morally the worst as they think they are forgiven. Predominance of Child sexual abuse amongst the pious. Because Jesus says its okay. He forgives you.
No, the breaker of the box is the a**hole, with the enabling pastor a very close second. Time for a new church.