Our 4 year old has a history of throwing up on longer car trips. We were on our way back from a trip and our daughter kept asking us to pull over, probably about 3 times, saying she needed to throw up. Each time we did, got her out of the car seat, and she would bend over on the side of the road but nothing came out. Finally we just gave her a plastic bag and said if you need to throw up, throw up in here.
She ended up throwing up about 15 minutes away from home all over herself, all over the car seat, and starting crying. My husband started scolding her for not vomiting in the bag, and how she made us pull over all those times. She is covered in vomit, bawling, while he was doing this. I got mad at him, saying why are you treating her this way, I’m sure she doesn’t want to be covered in vomit. My oldest (8 years) says please clean her up. My husband then starts scolding him.
I told him stop talking to our kids like this. Why are you kicking D4 when she is already down? She is sitting there covered in vomit and so upset. If she could reach the bag she would have. And why are you taking out your frustration on our 8 year old?
He then keeps going on our 8 year old when we get home, snapping at him why aren’t you putting your shoes on fast enough and helping me unload the car? My 8 year old is going as fast as he can, getting anxious and starting to yell back. I said he’s speaking to you that way because you’re yelling at him.
Am I the asshole? Is this normal behavior and I’m just sensitive?
NTA but I’d start forming a plan to leave his abusive ass.
He’s the asshole. Sounds like he can’t cope with the stress of the kids being sick/messy/upset and goes to this abusive place in response to his panic. It sucks. He needs to learn to do better as a parent.
You’re NTA but your husband is for setting your daughter up for failure. If he knew that she was going to get car sick then he should have pulled over.
INFO: Is this how he normally behaves?
NTA regardless but sheesh …
Awww honey, that poor little thing! She TRIED to do what he wanted and just couldn’t! She’s still a baby, what did he honestly expect from her?!
NTA. Your hubby sure is though. His frustration should have been overridden by his sympathy for her. And it IS frustrating to have your kid barf all over the car.
But it was something she actively was trying to avoid and he got mad at her for that too. Poor little thing 🙁
Girl I took a look at your post history just to make sure this wasn’t a bot- it’s very clear to me NTA at all here and you did a good job standing up for your kids. There seems to be a bigger issue of your husband not being a good father or partner. What he’s doing is verbally abusive and not okay.
NTA, and you asking whether you’re “just being too sensitive” tells me he’s been planting that in your head. This is a common tactic of abusers.
NTA Your husband is a tool. Your pediatrician can prescribe a medication for her car sickness. Unfortunately, there is no medication for AH adults who can’t handle their tempers.
NTA
Vomiting isn’t misbehaviour and should never be met with scolding.
I was a carsick kid and now I have a carsick kid. It sucks for all parties but vomiting is worse than cleaning up your kid’s vomit. I know this. My partner knows this. And we have to just shrug and clean it up. It happens.
You were right and your husband was the AH.
NTA
Your grumpy husband needs to be more empathetic. Kids get car sick and it often comes fast and no time to get a bag etc. She’s also only 4 ffs. Btw – His driving might not help.
If dad is feeling aggrieved and takes it out on someone else, the someone else will respond in kind. Even an 8 year old. Tell him to be grateful his silliness has not (as yet) caused his kids to be scared of (and eventually dislike) him if they’re still giving him grief back.
You need to get your kids away from your husband because he’s abusive.
NTA, as long as he goes.
OP, you already KNOW that is not acceptable behavior. Do better.
You need to protect your children from this kind of treatment. And you KNOW that.
Verbal and emotional abuse are still abuse. You and your kids deserve better.
Nta, my dad had an explosive temper like that, its emotionally abusive. And you’re complicit if you let it continue. Either he gets counseling and learns to self-regulate, or he gtfo. I wish my mother had done that, my childhood would have been infinitely better.