I (M24) work at a university as IT support. I have a younger sister "Cleo" (F20) who started studying at this university in the Autumn of last year.
She’s moved out of the family home and into a houseshare with two friends (our parents live 3 hours away from the school). I love my sister but for some background she can be quite immature for her age. I think my parents have babied her a lot.
When Cleo got accepted into the university and decided that’s where she’s going, my parents made it clear they want me to keep tabs on her. They were worried she’s going to get a sketchy boyfriend, start drinking or just generally be reckless. I told my parents I’d check in with her to make sure she’s ok but I’m not interested in spying on her every move. They’d frequently call me to ask what Cleo is up to. Everytime I’d say she seems fine but you should ask her yourselves.
It’s been pretty uneventful. Cleo seemed like her normal perky self and always told me she was fine when I asked aside from a few small arguments with her housemates.
In the new year Cleo tried to start up a Tiktok-based cookie business. Last week, she called me because she had accidentally caused a kitchen fire. She fell asleep while cookies were in the oven (she said her phone’s alarm didn’t go off) and when she took them out they were in flames and she dropped them on the floor, and firefighters had been called. No one was hurt and other than the kitchen flooring and a bit of the walls there’s no major damage to the house and it’s being covered by insurance and her deposit. I comforted Cleo (who was understandably upset) and helped her talk to her landlord.
When my parents found about this they were absolutely distraut. They said they don’t think Cleo can be trusted to be independent and demanded that I invite her to live with me so that I can keep an eye on her. I live with my fiancée and while we do have a spare bedroom, my fiancée is 4 months pregnant with our first ever child, so we already have a lot going on. Plus, I don’t think this would help Cleo be a responsible adult.
My parents don’t seem to understand my perspective and said it’s my duty as Cleo’s big brother to take care of her, and they don’t feel comfortable having Cleo live away from home unless she’s with me. They seem convinced that she will do this again and genuinely worried but I don’t think she would after that scare, and everyone makes mistakes. We ended up arguing over this and I said I’m not going to parent my adult sister. AITA for not doing more for her like my parents want?
NTA but you are a great brother for all you’ve already done to help her. Your parents seem to be helicopter parents and might be part of the reason she’s as irresponsible as she is. Adding another grown adult to a house expecting a child is not the answer. Allowing her to either flourish or flounder is the only way your sister will truly grow.
NTA. Stand your ground, you’ll have your hands full with the new baby.
NTA
Them failing to raise her does not obligate you to do so.
I wouldn’t even say they failed to raise her, that feels like it’s not giving Cleo enough credit. Like yeah, the cookie thing was dumb and dangerous, but other than OP saying she can be immature we have no evidence she’s any worse off than the average uni student. I think it’s less that they failed to raise her and more that they cannot emotionally cope with presumably their youngest child moving out.
NTA your probably right on the babying issue but a lot of what your parents are worried about (sketchy boyfriend, drinking) are issues they cause by not teaching your sister how to be an adult. Your helping far more by not making her move in with you then they would be babying her.
NTA. Everyone involved here is a functioning adult. While it’s great your sister is close that you can provide support when needed. Your parents are enjoying the fruits over their overbearing parenting right now and you can’t fix that.
NTA…they are overreacting. She’s fully an adult. I’m sure all adults have at some point burnt something in the oven before and I’d bet this incident will scare her straight enough that she won’t let it happen again. She doesn’t suddenly need adult supervision.
Maybe you can help out by buying your parents a gift certificate for some pottery classes or something else to keep them more occupied and out their grown kids business lol
NTA. Cleo probably is enjoying the little freedom she has right now, and is glad you’re not adding to her helicopter parents.
Uh, NTA.
Chloe is an adult in college and you are busy with your own life, the request from your parents is ridiculous for you and insulting for her.
NTA Cleo is very lucky no one got hurt and there wasn’t a lot of damage but it was ultimately a mistake that she probably won’t repeat. She needs to be given space to make mistakes and figure out how to handle them on her own. Ultimately both of you are adults who don’t have to listen to what your parents want.
NTA. She is not your responsibility. Yes the thing with the cookies wasn’t good but she’s hopefully learned her lesson. You are having a baby and that should be your focus. Not your sister.
Possibly the easiest NTA I’ve read on this sub lol.
“She IS going to do this again, so make sure it’s at your house, where our only grandchild is going to live” is pretty funny though.
Next they’ll be asking the grandchild to watch her.
NTA, I’m a parent of 4 grown kids and I teach high school and college. Trust me when I say that Cleo needs to make mistakes now while she still has a safety net. Everyone will make mistakes growing up, but putting off the transition into being allowed to make mistakes on her own will only result in her making her first, most dumbass mistakes at a time when they can profoundly affect her future, instead of just being a learning experience.