I am 42 now, and it is getting really hard to keep quiet about stuff that bothers me. Like, my family keeps saying I am disturbing things, but they never want to look at what is actually going on. And then when everything came out, they acted all surprised, as if I just decided to ruin things one day. But no, this has been building for a long time.
My sister Gurnoosh is 28. She married Aman, who is 31. Everyone loves him. He is so calm and quiet, never raises his voice. My parents think he is perfect. Even the aunties say he is amazing. It is like, you cannot say anything bad about him without people jumping in to defend him before you finish talking.
I did not like him from the start. Not for big reasons, like if he was mean or something. It was smaller things. Whenever he was around, Gurnoosh changed. She would speak slower, look to him before saying anything, even simple stuff. Like she was waiting for okay from him. It made me uncomfortable, I think.
One time I mentioned it to her. I said she did not seem like herself lately. She got mad right away. Called me jealous, said I was being immature. That shut me up for a while. I figured no one would listen unless it got worse.
So I started saying little things. Not to be mean, but because it made me angry seeing everyone act like their marriage was so great. It felt off, you know. I would tell Aman that Gurnoosh does not like letting people down. And he would remember that. Or I would say to her that he seems to like things in order, controlled. She would laugh it off, but I could tell it stuck.
That is kind of weird how it all built up. They began having these long talks. Serious ones that did not really help. Gurnoosh would call me crying sometimes. She felt bad for being unhappy when everything looked fine on the outside. I would say it is okay, that maybe she was just overthinking. Told her to take it easy.
At the time, I thought I was helping by being real. But now it sounds different.
Then Aman talked to me one day. He was not yelling or anything. Just said I like to stir things up. That got to me more than if he had been mad. So I told him straight. Their marriage seemed fragile. Like it only worked if he stayed calm and she always gave in. Someday she might wake up hating it and not even know why.
After that, it all fell apart. Gurnoosh realized stuff. Parents got involved. Now they call me manipulative, say I am not right in the head. Told me to stay away from them. Like I am the problem.
But honestly, I did not want to hurt her. I just could not stand how everyone pretended it was all perfect. Acting like nothing was wrong until it blew up.
Some people might say I should have kept quiet. Others think it is good the truth came out. I am not sure. What do you all think. Am I the asshole for not pretending anymore. Or just the one they can blame easiest.
Not sure if this is English as a second / third language issue, but not seeing how you ruined her wedding? I’m also not sure why you’re calling her stupid. You seem like a weird mix of concerned and an asshole.
I’m taking due to translation issues wedding actually means marriage
Bro wtf did I just read? Yes, YTA.
You do seem kinda messed up man. Yta.
INFO: How does one ruin a wedding that happened in the past?
Aman, Gurnoosh (made up name but still Indian sounding), reference to Aunties, alll this tells me Op is south Asian. In Hindi, the same word ‘shaadi’ is used for both wedding and marriage. In their mind they meant shaadi as in marriage but ended up using shaadi as in wedding.
I think OP might mean “marriage” rather than “wedding.”
You say the truth came out, but what truth is that exactly? Has he actually done anything wrong to your sister? Does she not love him? If she says no to him or goes against him does he get upset or what? You say your sister “realized stuff”. What does that even mean? What stuff?
I was wondering the same thing. Is he TOO nice, TOO quiet, TOO calm, TOO amazing? He sounds like a freaking monster.
I think OP means the family realizes that they were in their sister’s ear manipulating her.
That she now knows that someone was sowing discord in her marriage intentionally so
She’s right, you are shockingly immature for your age, and everything you describe sounds as if you stew in jealousy, make baseless assumptions, and cause drama and strife with your shitty passive aggressive remarks under the false premise of “keeping it real”. Your family is fed up with you because they’re sick of hearing it. They don’t want your opinions because they are based in jealousy and bitterness towards your sister and if you can’t see that for what it is, im afraid your sister isn’t the stupid one. Yta, keep your hot takes to yourself and mind your own business.
Mind your own business from now on
I can’t figure out exactly what you saw wrong between them that set you off.
Your sister “realized things.” Like what?
You told him, “like it only worked if he stayed calm and she always gave in”
It sounds like you put those ideas in their heads and then sat back and watched their marriage blow up.
Based on that and unless you’re more specific about what was actually wrong, YTA.
All these words and I have no idea WTF happened here. But, you’re a f*&king sh*t stirrer. Whatever these vague issues are, they were precipitated by you. Nothing seemed wrong until you got involved. I don’t see it as your sister being controlled. When you’re close to someone, you can mimic their speech patterns and behaviors. When she was speaking softly, I got the vibe she had just adopted his pattern because they’re close. Nothing nefarious