At around 5 this morning, I (17F) was sleeping when my brother (11M) knocked on my door. He asked me for my sewing stuff to sew something on his uniform. I was half asleep and also didn’t remember where it was, so I said "I don’t know if I have it, I think I have thread, but idk where." He just looked at me for a second, then walked out the door, but not before saying, "I don’t wanna fail." At this point, I was confused and said, "Should I pull it out of the sky, dude? I said I dont know.". He then went back to our mom (44F) and basically quoted only the last part of what I said. So she called me and asked, "M/N, Why did you say something so rude? I sent him there to ask you nicely, and you just brushed him off". I said, "That’s not what i said at first? I told him I only have string, and I’m not sure where it is. He told you that was all I said?" She then said she didn’t care and told me to leave it, they would figure it out. I went back to my room to sleep again. Five minutes later, my mom knocked at my door, I opened it, and she asked me, "Did you check inside your closet? I know you misplace things alot" Then I said "No I didnt let me look." I went over to my closet and looked around and long story short I forgot I put my string with my jewlery stuff. So I brought it back over to her and said, "I found it Mom". She said she knew I probably forgot and just came to ask. I then said jokingly I don’t know if I wanna give it to him, he’s been getting on my nerves". Whilst handing it to her, cause she’s still my mom, so im obviously not gonna say no. Then she basically exploded said that it was such a rude thing for me to say to him because he’s my brother. For context, he has a lying and stealing issue. He is constantly telling people untrue things about me or lying to stir the pot, and also stealing and using up my things. Something I feel she has not held him accountable for in any way that actually changes his behavior, it’s every other day at this point, and when ever i try to call it out, I get told to shut up and that im always complaining about something. Other people have noticed this as well. So, having this context, I feel like the side comment toward him was justified. I was handing her the box as I said it, so obviously I was still gonna give it because it had to do with his school. She then ran into her room and started yelling at me through the crack in her door. About how this is such a selfish attitude to have and how it’s a serious problem and how it’s super vindictive for even having crossed my mind, especially for a sibling. At this point i was irritated because why does that not apply to him? She then slammed her door and told me to just leave it. I tried to then give the string to my brother, and he said he didnt want to take it to not make our mom mad. And I kept asking him to take it, so she cant say I withheld it. He just kept saying idk, so I just left it on the dining room table Now im here writing this.
Tell your mother if he needs stuff for school, he has to tell mother early enough to get it. Otherwise he will fail.
Nah. Nta. Your mom is either upset because she knows you’re right, or your brother can do no wrong in her mind.
Or both, she knows her daughter is right, And she doesn’t have the backbone to get stern with her little angel boy.
YTA slightly, (maybe ESH bc of mom) because you’re both children- Your issue with your brother is him stealing your stuff, and you reacted based on that issue even though he *asked* to borrow your things.
What motivation does he have to ask for your things instead of taking them if you’re going to react negatively either way? That’s not how kids/people learn.
I feel the issue with him stealing, lying, etc is somewhat normal “kid” things, and should be addressed, but in a separate conversation if you feel like you’re not being heard. Edit to add: I don’t agree with the way your mom handled it or spoke to you either.
He is ELEVEN not FIVE. He’s old enough to know exactly what he is doing. He’s being a little brat because mom obviously lets him get away with everything. What do you mean what motivation does he have to not just take her things? The only motivation he should need is it is not HIS. This gentle parenting crap gotta stop. Lying and stealing is normal kid behavior for a 3-5 year old at MOST. Eleven is way way too old to be calling that normal. The kid is almost a teenager.
You’re referring to permissive parenting, not gentle parenting. Gentle parenting follows rules, boundaries, and has consequences that match the action, while also focusing on the emotional aspect/regulation needs that contribute to behavior.
Permissive parenting is very hands off and basically what’s described above.
I didn’t say the kid wasn’t a brat or that it wasn’t annoying, I just stated he DID ask, the other issues are why I also included the mother as TA.
And I said what motivation does he have TO ASK for things instead of just grabbing them if he’s going to get a negative reaction anyways.
Your delusional serious op is obviously nta her mum however is and so are you by the sounds of it
NTA.
At 5 in the morning, if someone came and woke me up the chances are that they would be beheaded. I certainly wouldnt want to attempt a polite conversation.
I was going to say give your mum grace because clearly she was up at 5am helping your brother finish a project that he had clearly forgotten to tell her about. It’s stressful. But it sounds like this is a bit of a pattern and he’s getting favourable treatment because he’s the baby of the family. This sucks and I’m sorry. NTA
But also, do they not teach paragraphs in school anymore?
NTA. But still out of pocket for the snide way you made the comment about not wanting to let him use it. Try to be nicer about how you express that someone is doing things that are getting on your nerves, ect. Two wrongs don’t make a right. Your mother was probably stressed about having to rush to get this done for your brother. However your brother is too old for her to be coddling him like that. He’s almost a teenager she needs to let him know he can’t be crossing peoples boundaries and using their things. And he also shouldn’t wait till the last minute to get his school things done! That’s his fault not yours.
NTA
why didn’t your mom give him some of HER stuff?