Hi so I gave my friend some relationship advice when they asked me for some, they completely ignored me and after things went almost exactly as I said, they now want more advice and help fixing the problem and with me feeling frustrated and a little annoyed that he didn’t listen I said no to helping him and now they think I am being petty and unsupportive. AITA ?
Nah you’re good. You already gave em the roadmap and they chose to drive off a cliff anyway. Not your job to keep rescuing people who wont listen ha
YTA, it’s not about you. You are not giving much information about what happened. But it does sound petty.
YTA. You gave advice previously, but it was still your friend’s call as to what he does with it. You’re basically saying ‘I’ll only give you advice if you do what I tell you’. That’s not how advice works, and it’s not how a good friend behaves.
YTA. Just because you give someone advice, doesn’t mean it’s any good, nor that the person if obligated to follow that advice. Punishing them for not doing as you advised by not being there for them is AH behavior and not a good friend.
This is terribly vague. But…
Is there any other reason for not helping than you being annoyed and frustrated?
If no, then YTA
INFO what was your initial advice and what is the problem now? Vagueness doesn’t help: your an asshole if you told your friend to hide infidelity but they told anyways, I don’t know why they would ask you for advice anyways; if you told your friend to not cheat then they did, you would not an asshole and should probably distance yourself anyways. Context matters.
Nta – you don’t have to do anything you don’t wanna do. Hes not entitled to your advise if you don’t want to. However it does come off petty. But I wouldn’t call you an asahole fs
YTA you might call it advice, but sounds like you gave instruction, and when it wasn’t followed you got shitty.
It’s frustrating when a friend does that … but they’re in an emotional situation, logic is very hard to kick in when they’re in that state.
Put yourself in their shoes … be there for them.
YTA. You’re giving advice not orders. Your friend made what they thought was the best decision and unfortunately they were wrong. You don’t know just stop helping them if you’re really their friend.
NTA
Honestly, the friend is not an AH for not following your advice (that he had asked you for). The decision of how to proceed remained his, even after hearing your advice. What makes him the AH here is that he is now demanding more advice and calling you petty for not wanting to give him more.
Just as he was free to act as he saw fit, you are free to give or not give advice as you see fit. You don’t owe him advice. It doesn’t matter why…
You don’t have the time, you don’t want to waste time when he has a history of asking for but ignoring your advice, the mess he is now in just gets on your last nerve, you have no idea what he should do, you don’t want to have to think for him, he needs professional guidance, etc
You are not the Designated Advisor, the one and only person who is obligated to give him advice. Your friend can still (1) ask another person in his life, (2) ask a professional, or (3) just come up with the best solution he can.
Who knows – maybe if he thought about a good solution, he could share it with you or someone else to sound it out for himself.
I have some friends like that and we have slow drifted away. You aren’t an asshole, but maybe next time instead of offering advice you could just listen and not offer help. The prob don’t really want “help” anyway, they prob just want to vent, which can also be exhausting in its own way
One thing you’ll learn about humans is that in relationships (of all kinds), they’re going to do what they’re going to. Good counsel may help them, but in the end, it usually doesn’t change the direction that much.
Certainly you’re being petty and unsupportive. But it’s okay to be those things if you want. You just have to accept that your friend has come to you after having made a mistake, and you’re telling them “I told you how to avoid this. You didn’t listen. Why would I help you now? You didn’t follow my advice! That means you’re dead to me”.
That’s a totally fine message to send. It may mean that you’re destined to be a lonely human, but that’s an okay life choice for you to make – it’s not immoral.
If you value your relationship with this human, then your choice is ill-advised. It may benefit you to reflect upon the likely possibility that you someday want support after having made a forseeable, or even forseen, mistake. How would you want to be treated in that situation? That sort of empathy often helps humans to have fulfilling relationships, not just with others, but with themselves.