**I feel horrible for this happening and want some advice on what to do…**
**I (15F) was trying to cook some food for me and my little sister (13F) mostly because I was hungry and I know that she also likes bacon as well. So, I grabbed a pan from the cabinet and started up the stove and began cooking. Now, for context, my grandma is 85 or 86 and has dementia, so I don’t really blame her for her actions, never really have even if they annoy the crap out of me.**
**I was halfway through the pack of bacon when she walked into the kitchen and into the laundry room, likely to do her clothes from what I could hear, and on her way to there she started complaining about there being smoke in the kitchen. Fine, I opened the door to our backroom to let out the smoke. It is a little cold now in the kitchen at this point, but it felt good because I was hot while cooking. As I was cooking, she started to say that it was enough bacon on the plate and to stop cooking (it was maybe 5 or 6 pieces, barely enough to feed me or my sister) and I shouted to her in the kitchen to the laundry room for her to please not start this morning as it was 9, almost 10am.**
**She then started to fuss me for simply cooking bacon on the stove and complaining about the smoke, but almost any breakfast meat you cook in a pan will cause smoke and said something about how I’m just trying to get my way like I always do, which isn’t true at all, I’m simply just fucking hungry. As I thought she was finally leaving the kitchen, she walks to the back door and CLOSES IT, literally contradicting the whole purpose of me opening it while I am cooking. I did tell her that the door was open for a reason and she didn’t respond, simply walked out of the kitchen.**
**She later came back in and was filling up her cup with water from the fridge and she started with me about me cooking bacon AGAIN. I got annoyed and turned to her and told her that if she doesn’t like the way that I’m cooking, she can do it herself and I turned off the stove. I don’t remember if she responded, but I do remember telling her exactly: "I’m trying to cook, (her name)". I felt bad immediately and grabbed my phone and ran to my bedroom as soon as I heard my other grandma’s voice start yelling, she is my great grandma’s daughter, and I locked my door, scared about confrontation from her, knowing how she is.**
**So, here I am, locked in my room, just getting out of a panic attack. So please, AITAH for how I responded to being fussed for cooking bacon on the stove? I do feel horrible for what I said, but this isn’t the first time she’s done this to any of us for cooking anything.**
Edit: My grandma is like this to everyone, for a bit of context. It is not just me that she comes and micromanages while they cook. If they don’t do it her way, she hates it and it’s not good enough. I also just had my grandma, her daughter, come into my room and talk to me. I apologized for what I said before I left the kitchen, and she accepted the apology and told me that her dementia is likely just going to get worse. She’s always been a little mean, but I still love her.
6 pieces of bacon between two people is more than sufficient if you aren’t *only* eating bacon. I hope you were making eggs or something to go with them. Bacon isn’t a meal unto itself.
And no – cooking bacon does not create smoke unless you’re cooking it WAYYY to high – which she has a right to chirp at you about.
And im going to go out on a limb that you called her by her given name instead of by ‘grandma’ to piss her off or show disrespect.
So yeah you sound like YTA here. You’re 15 so i dont blame you but next time cook bacon on medium heat. it doesn’t need to be burnt to be cooked.
Doesn’t sound like you were cooking the bacon correctly – it shouldn’t smoke (pan too hot), old people can be grumpy, not clear why you think calling her by her first name is a big deal. Sounds like everyone is grumpy and needs to chill out.
if i called my grandma by her first name i’d have gotten hell for it.
it’s incredibly disrespectful in some families.
The oven will be your best friend when cooking bacon… NTA for trying to be helpful and cook, but dear things should not be smoking every time you cook on the stovetop. THAT is not normal.
> almost any breakfast thing you cook in a pan will cause smoke
Absolutely not… grandma was right to call this out and you were rude to her. YTA
NTA – but your grandmother sounds like a situation that requires a more delicate touch.
First off, anybody who says there’s shouldn’t be smoke or steam during cooking is silly and you shouldn’t listen to them.
If you’re cooking a rasher of bacon, that means you’re gonna have oil over a hot surface for a while, which is gonna produce a heavy fog anywhere you go. You lose a lot of heat and seasoning to your bacon when you transfer out that old oil in the middle of cooking your rasher, and it isn’t necessary.
Any commercial grill top or fryer is gonna have a hood vent over it because as the water in meat and produce rises into steam, it collects with it particles of fat and oil that’s being cooked creating most of what the burnoff is from cooking a rasher of bacon on the stove with a pan.
Why are you hiding? Do they beat you in this house?
Child, you don’t know how to cook.
Turn on the oven, medium heat. Line a baking sheet with foil. Lay bacon on foil and put in oven. You’ll have perfect bacon in 15 effortless, smokeless minutes.
Opening the door just lets warm heated air out in Winter. Your parents pay to heat that warm air. Don’t be silly. Turn on the extractor fan. Ask mom where it is.
Why didn’t you ask your grandmother to teach you how to make bacon?
NAH, just two people without the mental faculties to communicate well, one of whom needs some instruction on cooking.
NTA. Whomever is supposed to be parenting you has failed you, and whomever is supposed to be caring for her, is failing her, and you.
All these comments are fucking atrocious. She’s 15. A child. Living in this house from what it sounds like I’m not surprised she hasn’t been actually taught how to cook. It doesn’t sound like you’re in a very safe home if your elderly senile family are constantly picking fights and yelling at you about whatever they’re stuck on that day.
My grandmother recently died of dementia. It was a very bittersweet moment. It took a very horrible toll on her at the end. For weeks she laid in a hospital bed like a vegetable, barely able to move, barely able to speak. Before that, for years she was impossible to please, constantly yelled and cussed at people even while trying to help her, and was super rude and demanding with anything she said. It’s not your fault she’s acting like this, and you are allowed to stand up for yourself. It helps to be a little understanding of her situation, she is probably in a confused state most of the time, so she needs a little extra patience. But that in no way means you should allow her to walk all over you. If your parents don’t protect you or stand up for you, I don’t see how this is a safe living situation for a teenager.
Thank you! Someone finally said it. Teenagers don’t have the same capacity for compassion, patience and emotional regulation as all those things are still developing. This is why they should not be left alone to fend for themselves, their sibling and a sick, elderly relative.
I bet most of the people here who are criticising 15 year-olds attempts at feeding herself and her sibling, didn’t even know how to turn on the stove at 15 because they didn’t have to. If a kid doesn’t know how to do smth correctly then it’s not a reflection on them but their caregivers whose responsibility it is to show them the ropes of literally anything.
It sounds like all of you are having a hard time. I don’t think a Y T A judgement is fair especially since I doubt most of the folks in these comments have ever lived with someone who has dementia. It is emotionally exhausting on every family member especially if the person with it is at all rude/antagonistic. You were both upset and you were a bit rude but you did calm down and apologize. It sounds like you love her a lot you just had a bad moment.
Lots of people here are saying the bacon shouldn’t have smoked up the kitchen and that’s mostly true. That said, may I recommend a safer alternative? Set your oven to 400 degrees and while it heats, get some parchment paper and place it on a baking sheet. Lay your bacon out on it and when the oven is at temp put it in. Let it cook for about 15min and check on it. Every oven is different and I don’t know how hot yours cooks so while most of the time it needs roughly 20min to cook it’s always better to check a little before that to be sure. It may even take a few minutes extra. If it needs more time just keep an eye on it.
NTA
I don’t usually get smoke from pans when I’m cooking unless I’m doing something wrong. Bacon shouldn’t be causing your kitchen to fill up with smoke
Pans too hot, turn the heat down a smidge if its smoking