My girlfriend works in a fairly small team of 7 people. There’s one guy she’s had to shadow recently as she’s been given a small promotion so she now does the same job as him. This isn’t a job she’s staying in long term, she’s only there until she starts her dream job in the summer.
She mentioned the guy seems to spend a lot of time complaining about his gf and asking about our relationship. One of her other colleagues is leaving so they all planned to go for leaving drinks. They decided to invite partners and someone asked in their group chat who is bringing partners.
This guy messaged my gf separately saying he isn’t inviting his gf and asked her if she’s inviting me. She said she was and showed me the message and asked if it was weird. I agreed it was since he could have just replied to the group chat.
The night comes and it’s all going well. The he arrives and immediately sits next to my gf. He does into the bar and comes back with a drink for him and one for my gf. He then asks her if she wants to do shots and she askes everyone else if they want a shot. He gets annoyed that everyone else is now involved
My gf moves to talk to someone else and he follows her and keeps trying to talk to her. She keeps telling him she’s busy and clearly talking to someone but he doesn’t listen. I just tell him to back off and take the hint. He tried arguing I was insecure but I just asked how his gf would react if she knew he deliberately excluded her from an event so he could desperately try to get with someone who wasn’t interested.
Someone else tells him to leave and most people agree with me. One of the colleagues and the partner of another said I overreacted and that I was out of line for arguing with him.
AITA for telling him to back off?
NTA at all. I would have been firmer than you were. Its total idiocy to expect you not to say anything when hes trying to fuck your girlfriend infront of you. She should report him to HR.
NTA. You let your gf handle it but he wouldn’t listen. I don’t think you did anything wrong.
NTA. Would you rather be mean or be a victim?
Girlfriend needs to contact hr
Yes, please. I’m a male former manager who unfortunately had to deal with employees who were women being harassed by men who couldn’t take a hint more than once, and in every case the women experienced a huge amount of emotional distress over their self-perceived inability to resolve the situation via clear communication. At least in my experience in the US this isn’t that unusual – men use gaslighting and other techniques to maintain their sense of entitlement to women’s attention. I’d rather be involved as a manager sooner so that I can document this shit and help either to stop it or to fire the guy so that we have a better working environment for everyone else.
NTA, that dude is weird as fuck, your girlfriend should talk to either her manager or HR if her company has one.
NTA. He was out of pocket and seems to be making your GF pretty uncomfortable. His behaviour was crossing multiple lines. Really, your GF should make an HR complaint, especially if he does this to other women. It’s pretty gross.
This is an HR issue. She needs to not attend work events if HR won’t handle it. As a partner I think it’s risky to start shit at her work, even if you were correct
NTA holy smokes.
You didnt overreact at all you just said the facts. If he cant deal with the reality its on him.
He seems like an unsave person though. Your gf needs to inform HR. Its apparently a big enough problem that others from work noticed it too.
The people saying you overreacted probably didnt know the full picture.
NTA. But I suggest your GF takes the lead in heading him off from here on out, both by telling him directly that his actions made her uncomfortable, and also alerting her manager or HR about the incident.
dude those saying you over reacted are dumb/need to be shown the dm text. a majority of everyone else saw him a being a creep. NTA
NTA. Dude was doing way too much. If he’s THIS bold with you there, I can only imagine how he is when she is alone.
NTA. Tell your partner to go to hr because this shit is unacceptable in every way
Talk to your girlfriend and ask HER how she would like you to handle a situation like this in the future, not us.