I (late 20s, M) have an aunt who has been borrowing small amounts from me for years, usually €200–€300 every month or two. She normally pays it back within a month, but the asking never stops and it’s started to bother me because I feel like I’ve become her default bank
she and my uncle can’t get loans and don’t really have other friends/family who will lend to them (they have a reputation for being bad payers)
Context: My mum and my aunt are sisters. My mum recently sold the family home they both grew up in. My aunt gave up her share in the house around 16 years ago, so she isn’t receiving anything from the sale now. I’m managing the sale, and the proceeds are basically going to be mine since my mum plans to transfer the money to me
before we signed the sale contract my aunt asked me for a larger loan: €4,000. She said it’s €3,000 to fully clear a loan shark debt, and €1,000 for personal needs (food, bills, other loans)
She borrowed €3k and is now paying €400/month in interest alone. Her income is about €500/month, plus she receives €750/month from the French government (possibly not legitimate) and she said she would repay me using that. I wouldn’t charge interest
I can afford it financially speaking and I have savings and €4k wouldn’t change my life. I’m just worried that if I do this, it won’t be the end and I’ll become the permanent bailout person. I also worry that she won’t pay on time and this will cause a fight (A very similar thing happened in 2023 – loaned 5k, we almost stopped talking)
I told her I needed to stop doing loans because I’m not a bank. I admit I probably sounded harsh. I offered an alternative: I’d help once she’s on the way to France / working there (she’s worked in France before and says that’s her way out), but she said she needs the money *now* and didn’t like that idea.
I feel guilty because she’s generally nice to me, and she even helps me manage my apartments/tenants sometimes. But I also feel like this is a pattern that will never end if I keep saying yes. **I also feel guilty that this was her childhood home, yet she isn’t getting anything from it**
**AITA for refusing to lend her the €4,000?**
NTA
Well you say she’s been doing it for years so you either need to draw a line in the sand now or just let it roll. You say you leant her 5k previously, did she pay you back? NTA
NTA, at the end of the day this is her own problem that you don’t need to burden yourself with
NTA – Do NOT lend her the money. You are absolutely right in feeling that you have become a piggy bank to them, and the fact that no one else in the family trusts them enough to lend money to them, and you’ve nearly gone no contact with them in the past over money tells you everything you need to. There are plenty of resources out there to help people get out of debt and become more financially savvy, she needs to turn to those instead of just expecting you to bail her out every time. This time it’s $3k to a loan shark, what about next time when it’s $7k? $10k? You do not want to be involved with that AT ALL. Imagine if she told them that you were going to pay it back or that you had the money and were refusing to help?
Protect yourself, tell her that you cannot continue to help her.
NTA. She needs to reach out to the local authorities if she’s entered into a deal with a loan shark. Loan sharks are unauthorized lenders. Is it actually with a loan shark or is it a legal lender? She needs to reach out to a debt consolidation support service, not to you.
NTA she has track record of not repaying loans, so why would this be any different? If fact she’d probably insist that “since it’s from my home it’s really my money anyway” and refuse to pay it back
So if you want to effectively gift this to her then sure, but guarantee she’ll be back next time for more with another sob story.
Or cut it off and treat her the same as the rest of your family have been and say “no you don’t repay it”
INFO Two things which i think will help us answer your question better:
1) What is the reason your aunt’s income is so low?
2) What is the reason your aunt gave up her share in the house?
NTA. Only loan money if you are ok not getting it back, because from what you wrote, realistically you aren’t going to. She is a grown ass adult. Her inability to handle money is not your problem.
NTA. If she couldn’t pay the loan shark back, how is it possible she can manage to pay you back.
NTA. You aren’t the bank and you’re right this will become a bigger problem. You can’t solve her issues. She’s in a hole and she wants to keep digging.
NTA. She hasn’t just asked for €3,000 to pay off her loan shark debt; she’s added on another €1,000 for other spending.
So it is clear she is only digging a deeper hole for herself, then expecting you to pull her out of it, again. And again.
Well if she makes more money in France… She can spend a couple of months there and earn the £4/5 thousand.
I have a problem with fully grown ups expecting their children/nieces/nephews to suddenly pay for all sorts. It’s not owed money for being alive.
Why doesn’t your aunt ask your mother for money???
Buddy, you’re already the permanent bailout person/personal ATM. She’s financially irresponsible/living way outside her means and financially illiterate. She’s not getting anything from it because she was probably already paid out her share. The only way to help her is to stop giving her money and let her figure it out herself.
NTA You need to put a stop to it now. She will continue to borrow and the amounts will get higher and eventually you won’t be paid back. Your Aunt needs to figure out her finances without counting on yours. Don’t let guilt get the best of you.