I (32M) have been dating my girlfriend (27F) for about 6 months.
I talk in my sleep. I’ve had previous partners tell me they could have full “conversations” with me while I was asleep. I don’t think I say anything very coherent or meaningful.
About 2 months into our relationship, one night I woke up and realized my girlfriend was talking to me while I was asleep. She said, “I love you.” Half awake and slurring, without her realizing I was awake, I replied, “I love you too,” and then pretended to still be asleep. She started giggling and seemed really happy.
Since then, this has happened multiple times. She sometimes talks to me while I’m sleeping, and occasionally I wake up briefly and mumble responses before drifting back to sleep. Most of the time it’s harmless stuff, but once she asked why my brother and I don’t talk anymore. I didn’t answer and just fell back asleep.
She has asked me if it’s okay for her to talk to me when I’m sleeping, and I said yes because I don’t feel like I have anything to hide. I also haven’t told her much about my brother beyond the fact that we don’t speak.
The thing is, I’m starting to feel weird about this. It feels a bit manipulative that she thinks she’s talking to “sleep me,” when sometimes I’m actually briefly awake and responding without her knowing. Especially when I say things like “I love you,” even though I do say that to her while fully awake too.
I haven’t told her that I sometimes wake up during these moments. Part of me feels like it’s not a big deal, and part of me feels like I’m being dishonest by not saying anything.
AITA for not telling her?
**TL;DR**:
I talk in my sleep and my girlfriend sometimes talks to me while I’m asleep. Occasionally I wake up and mumble responses without her knowing. I’m starting to feel like I’m being dishonest by not telling her. AITA?
NAH, but you should stop the ambiguity. Either tell her you sometimes wake up, or set a boundary that sleep conversations are off-limits. Relationships work better when both people are actually awake and aware of what’s happening
I feel like she’s being kind of dishonest by trying to get stuff out of you that she thinks you won’t divulge while awake. NTA but I’d carefully consider an honest conversation about this, or mutual feelings of dishonesty will continue and that’s no way to build a good relationship.
A few days later, I sat my girlfriend down and explained that I’ll talk about my feelings regarding my brother when I feel ready to do so. I did this without letting her know that I had realized she had asked me about it while I was half awake.
After that, I’ve never caught her asking anything sensitive like that again. Most of the things she asks now are harmless or even kind of funny, like what my favorite flower is (apparently I said “wood anemone,” which I didn’t even realize until she told me and I thought about it), or what my dream job is.
I also forgot to mention in the post that she actually writes down what she asks and what I answer, and then reads it back to me later. So she is being open about it, which makes it feel a lot less sneaky than it might have sounded.
That notebook she keeps could turn into something epic in the future. As long as it isn’t creepy and uncomfortable for you. I’d totally read this book/memoir/diary.
NAH
This is a really strange game, like your girlfriend thinks sleep talking is some secret truth syrum where she can learn your darkest secrets…. and you are letting her think that?
I think you two need to talk while you are awake. If she wants to know why you don’t talk to your brother, she should ask you.
NTA but please communicate with the woman sleeping in your bed
yeah the gf is weird as hell for this
NAH, but it’s weird that she’s taking those moments to ask deep questions that she should ask when you’re awake. It seems like it would be better if this was off limits. You can sleepily mumble things, but she shouldn’t be trying to get secret info from you imo.
NAH really but it is kind of strange and open to becoming awkward.
It’s harmless until you answer her while in a dream and aren’t really responding to her question. If she is thinking that you always tell the real truth in your sleep sort of thing.
She could ask if you love her while you are dreaming about excorcising a demon. “Be gone you filthy harlot!”
Since she is trying to question you in your sleep and you are only hearing the last question as you wake up, you could use your phones voice recorder and leave it running while you sleep. Then go back to the few minutes before you wake up and see what else she is asking you.
Your gf is giving off creepy vibes with these sleep conversations.
Yes YTA if you don’t communicate to her how you feel about it
NTA. My partner talks in his sleep a lot as well. Sometimes he is (or at least seems) completely awake and just doesn’t remember in the morning. Sometimes he’s genuinely asleep/dreaming and we have a conversation that makes absolutely zero sense. Sometimes he does remember. He always responds with an adorable smile when I say I love him and says I love you too back. That’s all normal in my opinion. You should probably tell her you half wake up sometimes, but it’s not that serious.
What I would never do, though, is bring up things my partner might not want to discuss with me if he were awake. Or really anything serious at all. It feels weird to me that your girlfriend would bring up those kinds of topics when you’re asleep.
NAH. its sweet but you should probably tell her so it doesnt turn into something weird
You’re making this way harder than it needs to be.
“Hey. I know you’ve asked if it’s ok to talk to me while I’m sleeping, and I’ve said yes. But it’s been bothering me a bit lately. I know it might seem like I’m asleep, but a lot of times it wakes me up. It’s been disturbing my sleep. One time I woke up and you were asking about my brother. That’s fine, and If you want to have a conversation about that I’m more than happy to talk to you when I’m awake. But the conversations while I’m trying to sleep don’t feel good to me anymore. Does that make sense?”
I understand what you mean, and I’ll probably take your advice and modify it a bit so it fits better with our dynamic. But you’re 100% right. Thank you.