I don’t ever post on reddit but I have literally no one to ask about this. I (15 F) go to a catholic all girls high school for the past year and after a couple months, I have been getting feelings of wanting to leave and go to public school. The school itself gives me a good education but the social environment, while I have good friends, is not what I want my high school experience to be.
Ever since I was little, I’ve always wanted to leave the catholic school system but my parents were strongly against it. So I gave up and decided to pick one of three catholic high school’s in my area and this is the one I chose.
I’ve already expressed this to my mom and close friends that I’ve been thinking of transferring but I haven’t told my dad yet because tbh I wanted that conversation postponed as long as possible.
Last night my parents sat me down to talk planning for next years courses and activities and then I realized if I wanted to leave now was the time I needed to decide so I told my dad I was thinking of leaving.
He asked me why so I explained why I wasn’t a fan of the catholic school culture because in my city, there are the main elementary schools that feed into my school which predetermine popularity which I think is stupid and I don’t really like the lack of diversity of the people that attend and are given "importance" by other girls. Attending my highschool feels like I’m trapped in a bubble and have no idea what other teenagers my age are like. I just don’t feel like I can really be myself in a school like this.
When I tried to explain this to my dad, he already was assuming the worst. He said I wanted to leave because of the lack of boys and that being myself meant doing the things I wasn’t allowed at the school I go to now. This really hurt my feelings so I asked him if he really thought that I was that shallow and he said yes. Since then he hasn’t apologized or even acknowledged what he said.
After that I decided to leave the conversation because I was very upset and my dad is a very blunt person so I know he meant it. No one in my family spoke up even when later in private they agreed with me.
This is where I might be the in the wrong. My dad grew up extremely poor where he didn’t have to chance to attend private education and he thinks that I’m ungrateful for not wanting an opportunity that many would "die for". And since he is my father, he knows what’s better for me and in his words "public school is full of drugs". He thinks that in face of social challenge, I am trying to run away instead of facing my problems.
I understand that ultimately its his decision to make but the complete lack of regard for my feelings and attack on my character really hurt me. I know that public school isn’t going to magically solve all my problems but at least I’ll have left the catholic school system.
Not the AH for either, this is just juvenile which is natural because you’re in high school.
If you have a good group of friends, you should stick it out at the Catholic school. The grass is always greener on the other side, and if you think popularity is predetermined in Catholic schools, you have no idea about public schools. Those kids have been together since kindergarten and they have predetermined popularity too. You’d be the new kid with no friends, and things might get worse.
The worst thing you can do is be bitter at the Catholic school because of this. If you think it won’t get better, then it won’t. I hated my Catholic school, but my parents said I couldn’t leave. Since there wasn’t anywhere for me to go, I made the best of it and ended up happy. Don’t get in your own way.
NTA
You’re allowed to have opinions of your own. You’re allowed to want to try stuff.
You may not be the asshole, but you need to frame your argument to your parents better than I don’t like my social life.
As someone who was not given the opportunity to attend public school and is still bitter about it 2 decades later, i support your desire for autonomy. My siblings and i were so sheltered and after graduating christian school, fell hard into all the things we were not allowed to experience. Your dad needs to understand that public education is better than when he was a kid, and it will help you grow socially and learn better how the world works. Private school is for suckers
I mean, we don’t know how old her dad is – but if OP is in America, public schools have only gotten worse over then last fifteen years, not better.
NTA. Wanting a different school environment doesn’t make you ungrateful
NAH but take a breath and reflect objectively on the dilemma your parents have: sometimes the thing you want aren’t what is best for you in the long term.
Instead of thinking where you want to be next year think about who you want to be ten years from now and what kind of life you want to lead. Then look at the results your school produces in terms of opportunities vs the schools you are considering.
Even if that doesn’t change your mind, you’ll be better prepared to have an adult conversation about your future.
“the school itself gives me a good education” is the important realization here. You are going to school to get a good education. The grass is always greener on the other side of the high school and you have no idea how the other school will be. I always valued my “girls only” education because I was present in class and discussion and probably would not be so if there were boys around since I was shy. Got a good education and made it to a great college!
You’re completely valid for wanting to go to a school you would prefer and for being upset your dad is being sexist in his beliefs. He is wrong to assume you only want to go for the boys.
INFO – do you know if the public schools are a lower quality of education than the private schools, in your area? Where I grew up, the public schools were far superior in academic quality and excellence than the private schools were. Private schools were for the kids who had behavioral issues and their parents needed to send them someplace where they would have a lot more strict oversight. But the city I currently live in, if I had children, I would be seeking out a private school. Not necessarily religious although that’s kind of all we get around here. Because the public schools are atrocious for education and the private schools are the better ones. That is some food for thought for you if the answer is you’re uncertain or that the private schools are superior.
Another bit of info I would like : you’re a little unclear about what the experience is that you’re wanting to have in high school. I am gleaning just a little bit based on your wordage around the cliques having developed from elementary school and the mean girlishness. I’d like to know exactly what difference and experience you’re hoping to have. And I ask that because public schools can be just as bad as, if not worse than, what you’re currently saying is going on at your current school. And I want to make sure you’re aware of that.
I, too, grew up with parents that really emphasized getting a good education because neither of them grew up in a family that could afford to provide that for them. But if I was miserable somewhere they’d be willing to hear me out.
While I understand, you should pick whatever a school is giving you the best education and a better chance for your future. High school is such a small blip in your life. In a few years you may not be talking to a single person you knew before 18. Make sure you’re making this decision based on long term goals not just how you feel right now.
NTA but unless you play a sport or know a lot of people it is hard to start new in high-school. There are a lot of very unhappy and very lonely kids in public school.
My oldest daughter went to an all girls’ grammar school. Yes, she missed out on some of the social side that she would have got from going to a mixed school but we encouraged her to do activities outside school for a more varied social group.
Have another discussion with your parents and see if you can negotiate staying at the all girls school but doing activities like martial arts. Martial arts is great for self defence, fitness and is rarely single sex. Dungeons and Dragons, and other table top games, can introduce you to other social groups. Both daughters have made good friends through DnD groups. See what you can find that is accessible in your area and go from there.
NAH
You’re not an AH for wondering what might be possible at public school. Your dad is not an AH for wanting you to have the best education possible.
Perhaps a good compromise would be to find some extracurricular activities that don’t center around your school.