Hi. So I(21m) have been friends with a guy I met in highschool about 4 years ago.
Me and him mostly vibed with anime but a few months later we realized we had mostly the same opinions about a lot of things so we instantly became best friends.
Now where the story actually starts is when he started getting into the hobbies I had, I have always been into programming since childhood and I’ve taken years just learning things by myself. I’ve also always liked teaching things so I would usually teach all of my friends things that I know if they didn’t.
The first time I noticed things were wrong was a few years ago when he got into programming because of me, I gave him all the resources and tools I thought he might need to get started, but not that long later his progress was slower and slower until he stopped. He always misunderstood things and never written any program right. I guessed that it could maybe because he didn’t commit to reading enough.
As time passed, I got him to try many things and in everything we learn he always made mistakes in the things he would confidently state and attempts to correct him would always be met with explanations for why he thought so.
I always kept trying to be nice with correcting him when we’re alone but supporting him or slightly changing what he said to a better statement when we’re with others.
Recently, though, I have gotten tired of supporting him. We’ve grown up now and his mistakes were always due to him not reading enough.
Where I finally snapped was when we were with people and he kept mentioning that he uses Linux. Again, something I got him onto not that long ago. I didn’t mind that until he started arguing about things and mentioned that he’s "making a distro". For those of you who don’t know, making a Linux distro requires actual Linux knowledge, reading a lot of documentation and patience. So, when I heard that I laughed. I asked him if he was sure and he said he was. That’s when I told him, after a moment of silence to think about it, that it was a stupid idea and he couldn’t do it. I told him that he isn’t either committed enough to do it nor capable because he doesn’t know anything and he just got into Linux himself. I also said more harsh things and the people that were with us were silent.
Afterwards, everyone sat in silence until he stood up and left. Our mutual friends said I was an asshole for saying that and that it was very condescending. But part of me feels like he’s been getting too confident in things that he doesn’t understand and it felt kind of insulting.
So, people of Reddit, what do you think?
Edit: In demand for what other things I said to him, I’ll go over everything I said that day. First I was like "bro it’s a stupid idea" and he replied with "you will see". That’s when I felt angry raised my voice to say all this: "Bro you can’t make a Linux distro, you are just getting into it and you can’t even change your window manager settings without blowing up my phone. You never read documentation even when you have to, you never think about things on your own and you never listen when I tell you things. You always make things up and you never try to understand. You are just ugh so stupid". I mentioned each thing while counting my fingers too and staring at his face as he looked at me in surprise because he never saw me talk to anyone like that. And I feel the need to also mention I never reacted to anyone this way before.
You talked down to him and insulted him. You kept correcting him or changing what he said around others. Of course you were condescending to him and in the wrong to behave as you did. YTA
YTA mate. You just shat on your best friend in public because he is not good at a hobby you introduced him to. There are ways to call someone out for their bs, especially friends, but this is not it. Honestly, the way this reads, you sound very snobby about programming and Linux. Are you sure you’re not just angry because he’s hogging your “thing”?
Man, obviously YTA. You sound very socially inept yourself. This poor guy sounds like he just wants to connect and strive to be good at things, but instead of encouraging or applauding him for his efforts you place yourself above him by either “teaching him” or putting him down.
Who are you to destroy his confidence? What’s it to you if he isn’t as good at things as he poses himself to be? Who made that your problem or responsibility to “fix”? You’re just annoyed and you’re trying to frame it in a way that makes you justified in it.
You don’t have to. If you don’t like who or how this guy is, hang out less. What is your friendship based on if you can’t stand him? And if you do like him, just be a friend. Not some weird judgy mentor he didn’t ask for. Chill. You’ve got plenty of flaws yourself I imagine, but friends don’t spend time pointing that out unnecessarily.
YTA. What was the point of doing this? If he messed it up would it affect anyone but him? If no then who cares. Let him try stuff and ‘teaching people your knowledge’ can come off as very condescending if you don’t know how to gently and kindly explain things.
I had a friend like you in high school. She thought she was helping by pointing out every little mistake even if said mistake still lead to the correct answer (in situations where subjects weren’t black and white.
You don’t know how much reading he does. You don’t know if he isn’t learning from other people besides you.
Unless he is doing hobbies that can kill or harm someone you don’t need to correct him.
YTA – people like you are the worst. you feel he’s getting too confident so you have to knock him down? who are you? if you have an issue with him, you handle things one on one, you don’t dress him down in front of a crowd. i’ll stop here, because the things i really want to say to you would get me banned.
YTA, and you sound like a condescending kmow-it-all.
YTA.
Not everything that is true must be mentioned when unasked for, especially when it is to bash down people like that.
The part of you feeling insulted by his empty confidence is your ego. Humiliating him did not didn’t help him, nor it made you a better person, there was no win there.
Yes, you’re a verbally abusive AH.
Everyone does everything at their own pace, if you can’t grasp such a basic concept I’m not entirely sure who the stupid one is. Also insulting people just because they operate different is plain stupid.
There’s your answer.
Was the silence really not indicative enough that you were indeed an asshole?? You made everyone uncomfortable.
YTA
Congrats, now your whole group knows you’re a condescending dick. Did you ever consider that your friend was just making conversation? Or that when he picked these hobbies up he was trying to connect with his friend (you)?
If you want to have ugly conversations, you don’t do it in front of a group of people. You embarrassed yourself more than anyone else, he can learn Linux anytime from anyone at any rate he wants. Who cares? All you’ve shown is that you’ll be nasty *in public* to someone you call “best friend.”
Yes, YTA.
Your friends may not know much about programming. At least they know an ass hole when they see one.
Good grief, you are full of yourself.
Your friend is trying to learn things and you felt the need to attack him for it.
YTA
You sound insufferable. Dear. God. YTA.