To start this off – My boyfriend’s friends girlfriend is overly nice to specifically men, I’ve heard countless of times from multiple other women they don’t trust her because of how she acts around other men. Even her Grandma said she doesn’t have any girl friends (hmm I wonder why)
So now that we kinda know a little about this woman I’ll get into the real story: I knew this girl before I started dating my boyfriend so I was beyond elated to find out she was dating his friend so I could also have a friend to hang out with. (Boy was I ever wrong). This girl would make very weird passes at my man and once flashed her tits while him and I were in the car with her. I remember an incident when we were all hanging out and she spread her legs open, closed them and goes “I’m not wearing any underwear” and smirks. She had also made really weird comments, and whenever she asked us to hangout she would always text him instead of me. Now I trust my boyfriend and after talking to him he told me he would stop messaging her and only see her when we’d hang out with her boyfriend (which he did follow that).
However, it got back to her through a different person that I felt weird around her and she was mad. Ofc to my boyfriend she was all “I’m so sorry for making her feel uncomfortable I’d never want to do that” then to me ignorant and just upset. So our friendship basically ended there. Skip to a few months later I found out her boyfriend had been “cheating” (it depends what you constitute as cheating but it most definitely was) and she caught him as well so I had asked around if they had broken up, well ofc that got back to her and her first and only assumption was that I was spreading rumors that they did break up. She sent me a rude text and I sent a very nice message just trying to clear the air, she didn’t respond.
I’m typing this on my phone so if anyone wants anymore details I can certainly share more!
My question is AITA for these situations? I go back and forth wondering if I was really in the wrong for talking behind her back or if what I was saying really not that bad?
don’t ever feel bad for a pick me girl
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The problem is and I guess I never fully explained what exactly went on, she would flirt with him everytime we were all together. And you aren’t wrong, since my boyfriend respected that boundary it was fine. My other issue is both of these instances I’ve tried talking to her very nicely about what was actually said and she just seems to be pissed I set a boundary with her and him
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NTA. I would’ve stopped caring about her opinion the moment she flashed your boyfriend in front of you; no woman does that by accident. There’s nothing wrong with asking around about her relationship; sure, it might come off as a bit snoopy, but I feel like that’s something we’ve all done at some point, and her turning it into a whole different issue is just self-centered behavior.
Did you actually read the part where she said this girl flashed her tits and open her legs? There’s no reason to put this on the boyfriend. This is all on the friend’s girlfriend.
NTA. This woman seems like she needs help, but that doesn’t change the fact that she has a tendency to behave inappropriately. You don’t seem to have done anything unreasonable IMO.
Had a female coworker who was very friendly with any man (married or not), gave women the cold shoulder. I’m not saying she flashed them, but the difference was very obvious.
NTA
Why do you care what this weirdo thinks? Just stop talking to her.
ESH. She for making passes. Your boyfriend for not being more firm and letting her. You for being gossipy when you both should just stop being friends with her.
ESH. OP, you do come across as intimidated and insecure. You say you trust your boyfriend, but then you ask him not to text this girl. That suggests you don’t fully trust him and feel the need to set rules around how much interaction he’s allowed to have. Whether he texts her or not shouldn’t change his respect or commitment to you. He could text her to make plans without it being disrespectful to your relationship.
My gut feeling is that you’re worried she’ll ask to hang out with him one-on-one, and you’re not entirely confident he would say no—so you’d rather avoid testing that.
You also seem fairly judgmental toward this girl, and there’s a bit of a “mean girl” tone in your post. For example, was it really necessary to include the insult from her grandmother? And why were you talking to her grandmother about her at all? It feels like you wanted to go beyond describing your interactions and make sure we knew that other people don’t see her as a “girl’s girl,” too.
Overall, I think you need to chill out a bit. This girl sounds troubled—seeking validation/attention from men, which is a lonely road. Young men often don’t treat women in that situation very well, and her own boyfriend has already cheated on her. She’ll probably face the consequences of her choices many times over, so there’s no real need to punch down. She will get more than her share of karma.
That said, if someone flirts with men who are in relationships and seeks that kind of attention, it’s not surprising if they don’t have many close female friends or if rumours circulate about them. That kind of behaviour tends to erode trust and loyalty. So yes, some of the backlash she’s getting is predictable. Still, OP doesn’t need to pile on to someone who is already struggling. ESH.
I would say she is just as insecure as you. She has just gone to the other extreme. If you trust your bf, there is no issue, just ignore her. NTA.