To preface I don’t think I am but maybe there’s a social thing I’m not really getting here I’m autistic but I don’t think that matters here? I (26f) don’t really go anywhere without being dressed makeup on hair done unless it’s a quick trip for cigs or to my good friends house she(34f) and I have been friends for 3 years knows this.
In the last year I’ve finally felt comfortable enough to go over her place without feeling “presentable” until recently she got a roommate(idk her age) and a boyfriend, so before I go over I always ask who’s there if it’s just her then I don’t need to be presentable but if it’s others I am.
Anyways I stopped over just before Christmas to give her her gift (a whole box of candles bc she likes that kinda stuff) her roommate, roommates man first time meeting him and her man were there so I made sure to look presentable literally just jeans a band t basic makeup stayed for maybe 30 mins then went home the roommate text me that she found it funny how the last few times she seen me I was in pjs but since the boys were there I was trying to be cute.
I reminded her that I’m always presentable if I know she’s going to be there and leave if she comes home from work and I’m not. That I didn’t even know their dudes were there just that she was.
Haven’t seen her til the other day when my friend asks me to help her other friend find a tracker her ex put in her car they’re all there my friend, her friend, the roommate and her man. The last two pretty much kept to themselves until the discussion about contacting police over the tracker came about since I couldn’t find it the girl decides she’s just gonna leave it and let him track her.
everyone’s on the couch I’m crouched on the floor playing with the dogs and doing their nails – which I do for her every threeish weeks anyways so nothing new I’m a dog groomer🤷🏽♀️- roommate starts going off about how I’m “trying to show my ass” (I felt a breeze at one point while squatted and immediately stood up and fixed my pants and got back down on the floor) “I always gotta be cute if the boys are around etc”
again I reminded her this is only the second time I’ve ever seen him and I’ve only shared a “hi nice to see you again” with dude and that I dont even date AT ALL anymore so why would she even think I had an interest.
It turned into a whole thing of her saying she didn’t want me there when he was which ditto tbh bc I DONT KNOW HIM and have no desire too but it ended up with her yelling at me about how I’m a whore and a whole bunch of horrible things and me telling her she’s insecure and disrespectful and how og friend has never had an issue with me and my want to feel comfortable in front of people I don’t know and roommate said I’m not welcome back but it’s og friends place not hers.
This has happened before with other folk so idk maybe it is me but she’s seen me “dressed up” and knows there’s a HUGE difference she’s a no makeup sweats girly but I really don’t know if I’m the drama.
Edit: the makeup is just under eye concealer redness by my nose from winter and mascara
Please use periods and paragraph breaks. Jesus.
Oops I meant to do it at the end and forgot😅 I fixed it my b
NTA roommate is insecure.
NTA. jeans and a tee? She sounds incredibly insecure for the age of 30. It’s very normal to make yourself presentable when being around others. It’s not as if you’re throwing yourself at the guy and walking around in your underwear
> It’s not as if you’re throwing yourself at the guy and walking around in your underwear
I’ve got 100 bucks on the table that this “friend” has a thing for the dude in question and it’s not reciprocated.
NTA. I think to some extent we all feel that way. Your reasons for putting jeans & make up on are your own & none of anyone’s business. Even if you were being wildly inappropriate, she should be taking that up with her roommate, your friend, not you. At the end of the day she doesn’t get to police how ANYONE dresses & slut shaming you is not cool.
For your own peace of mind I’d tell friend that you don’t feel safe in her home & for as long as that slut shaming monster is there, you won’t be coming over.
I can definitely be an asshole if someone else starts it & straight up, my immediate answer to that first text would have been, “imagine being so insecure that you can’t handle your bf being around someone in jeans 🤣 It should go without saying but I don’t know you & even if I did, you have no business policing my clothing. Do better.”
If my roommate yelled at my friend & called her that I’d lose my ever loving mind. If I couldn’t get rid of her, it would be the last time her bf ever set foot in my house.
My friend did stick up for me I ran out of characters so I couldn’t include it but she’s a great person whos always been very understanding of my “quirks” as she’s autistic too
I feel the need to point out that lots of people in general feel that way. I’m only saying that because I feel like you think you need to justify it & you don’t, at all. I’m glad she stuck up for you though!
NTA
These people are looking for drama and are very insecure.
I would find better friends.
NTA, she’s jealous and insecure. but! you need to realize that **makeup is not required to look presentable**, and you’re doing a disservice to yourself and every woman around you by acting like it is.
NTA if it makes you feel comfortable and confident then you should do you! Some people feel more confident if they are dressed well and it can be a source of support to you as it’s hard to be around new people with autism. Unless you have your boobs hanging out what is her problem?? Maybe she fancies the man you both hung about with and sees you as a rival she is probably jealous of your looks it sounds like she’s got in her own head about you dressing up..
NTA She’s jealous af
I don’t leave my house without looking put together…ever. It really takes me no effort to do this and I feel better.
I can totally understand your wanting to be presentable around others.
Seems she is not really a friend…find better ones.
NTA but your “friend” is! She has no right to call you names like that! Find new friends!!! It’s okay that you want to look presentable whenever you want!!!