(sorry for the formatting, on mobile)
I would first off like to give context to let yall better understand where I’m coming from.
I (21M) and one of my best friends (19F) work together at the same place,(not relevant for story)
Which is also where we met. She had confided to me not long after we had became friends that she had a very short “relationship” with our boss (28M) I put relationship in quotations because it was really only texting back and forth, no serious feelings were formed on her side. This is not really relevant to the story though it will add context later on. About a week and a half ago, I had, very stupidly, decided to talk shit to some colleagues about how she always seems to get what she wants out of him, “only because she has a vagina”. I know, stupid of me to say. Of course that got back around to her and she wouldn’t speak to me for a couple days. I had profusely apologized and totally recognized that I was definitely in the wrong for saying that, she had forgiven me but certainly hadn’t forgot. Flash forward to this previous Saturday, she was scheduled for a 12pm-8pm shift, with me being scheduled 4pm-12:30am (I am a shift supervisor at my particular company and am required to open or close our store weekly). She had convinced our boss to give her the ENTIRE day off, not heads up for me, not cover found for the position, nothing. This really screwed me over as Saturdays are notoriously busy for restaurants and I had to frantically call for a cover. I knew she had called off due to having plans with some other mutual colleagues. I of course had gotten upset and had
definitely ranted most the night about how much that upset me, which of course got around to her again, making her upset with me yet again. What bothers me is that i feel she is using her position at work (same position as I), and her position as a potential partner, to get leverage and get what she wants out of our boss (leaving early, taking full days off, messing with labor, ect). I told one of her closer friends (who also works with us), that I was no longer interested in trying to repair our relationship if she could not recognize that she was also in the wrong. I recognize there may be pettiness coming from both sides, but I apologized already and do not feel i should apologize for my feelings as they are also valid. Really feel like I wanna walk away from everything and try again. Any thoughts, suggestions, or advice would be nice. AITA?
TLDR: I talked shit about my best friend for using her relationship with our boss as a way to get what she wants
YTA
…yes, you’re the asshole, and if it’s not blatantly clear why and how, you’re also an idiot.
are you serious right now? really? her leaving you in the lurch is nothing compared to what you said, you absolutely deserved it
“we both hurt each other” are you 12 years old? no, you hurt her. they’re not even remotely comparable
Do you really have to ask?
Yes, YTA. You weren’t just “talking shit”, you were being misogynistic. I wouldn’t talk to you again either.
Btw she’s not trying to hurt you, she is literally protecting herself from someone who has proven they are not a friend. You acting like she did anything wrong by setting a very fucking reasonable boundary about what behaviour she will tolerate is disgusting. She is allowed to not be your friend when your behaviour is unacceptable. This is the natural consequence of your choices.
As for the favouritism – that’s on your boss. He is the one who’s supposed to do better. He is the one failing you. I don’t buy for a second that if you were the one being given these perks, just because you were buddies or whatever, you wouldn’t also choose to take them.
And she may have had a good fucking reason to not want to work with OP and *several witnesses* who can attest to the fact that another coworker and superviser has been talking shit about her and creating a hostile work environment.
Friend or not, she is not wrong for wanting to separate from OP in her personal or work life. Next time he wants some courtesy he should give his friend the courtesy by addressing his issues with her directly.
YTA, you were being a misogynist and her actions wete not comparable to yours. I would cut you off too
if I were her, I’d call out every single time I had to work with you forever and ever and ever. learn your lesson about talking about people behind their backs. you’re a grown man. apologize and move on
YTA. You’re sexist and not at all her friend. Did you really have to ask?