My boy best friend and I planned to go to an expensive restaurant together that ended up being more expensive than I expected.
Before we went they insisted multiple times that they would cover the bill and told me not to worry about it
When the bill came, I felt a bit uncomfortable letting them pay for the whole thing, I grew up being taught that if you can contribute, you should.. so without discussing it I paid for half of the bill.
They seemed quiet afterward and later told me it upset them because they had offered intentionally and saw it as a gesture, they said it made them feel like they weren’t being taken seriously, which wasn’t my plan at all!
I just didn’t want to feel like I owed something to them, especially since we’re just friends and now I don’t know if stepping in to split it was considerate or if I should have just accepted his offer
Not appropriate behavior but I don’t think it meets the A threshold. I think you should have either declined the invitation or accepted his generosity with grace. Not every relationship is transactional. NAH but you did make your friend feel bad so you should probably apologize.
I already apologized to him, but it still bothers me that I probably DID hurt him this way, I will try my best to make it up to him
YTA- you agreed to go on the premise that they’d cover and then you arbitrarily decided to pay for half without discussing with them.
NAH, but I’d suggest following the original agreement next time.
He said he’d paid for it. “Okay, then I’ll pay for next” would suffice.
You say it was more expensive than you expected but not necessarily more expensive than he expected.
I say yes YTA because specific terms (for lack of a better word) were laid out and you went back on them.
He insisted it was his treat and you accepted than refused/ slapped his hand away metaphorically.
I get the not wanting to feel like you owe people stuff, but this seems extreme. Has the guy given you any reason to think he would expect something?
It might have been something he was proud of being able to afford, especially if the cost made you uncomfortable. He might have been saving for it and was excited to finally be able to fully cover you both. I dont think you are an ASSHOLE per say, but it was probably demeaning to him.
YTA. you put them in an awkward position by not letting them follow through on what they said they’d do, much more awkward for them than you “not contributing” (which would have been a non-issue given how clear they were about it)
not even gonna get into the dynamics of the “boy best friend asking me to an expensive restaurant” thing at play here lol
No AHs here but I would have let him cover it if I had agreed in advanced.
That being said a boy best friend taking you out to a fancy dinner sounds like a date. Did he say “hey let me take you out to dinner at X?” or something similar? Cause that’s a date talk. If you don’t share the same feelings you should tell him. If he’s your friend you at least owe it to him to be honest.
YTA for having him in your “friend zone” without letting him know that’s where he is stuck residing.
Be honest…quit intentionally or unintentionally leading him on to think he has a chance for more with you. If he’s never going to escape your friend zone, and if you were a true friend, you’d be honest and tell him explicitly, not just drop hints and assuming he gets the message.
YTA incel
You were trying to be considerate, but rejecting a sincere gift can feel like rejecting the person. Your friend wanted to treat you, and splitting it undermined that gesture. Next time, graciously accept and offer to get the next one.