AITA for rejecting my close friend’s advances with the excuse that I’m not gay when I actually am? I (17M) was asked out by my friend (19M) last week, but I told him I wasn’t gay. But the next day, he caught me on a date with our mutual friends (18M). I’m scared that he is mad at me as I don’t want to lose his friendship and he has completely ghosted my messages. I also just found out that he took a photo me kissing my date and sent it to our group chat with all our friends, publicly outing both of us. In response I screenshotted and sent the messages of him asking me out and sent it to the gc. Now all of our friends are stunned and don’t know who’s side to take. AITA?
Edit: To clarify, none of us are out yet to our friends. Me and my date went out when the rest of our friends were hanging out so we assumed no one would see us. Now, the person I went on a date with is also stressed at situation and I don’t know what to do. Any further advice? Also I recognise that I was an ass and intend to apologise, is it more sincere in person or should I protect myself and do it through text?
ESH. His choice to out you was pathetic, but revenge isn’t justified, either. You’ve simply added fuel to the fire, and the drama will only be worse now.
Yes. OP you are. But so is the friend. ESH.
ESH. Neither of you should have outed the other.
ESH if you don’t want to lose a friend, why would you out them? Neither of you were in the right. You should’ve been honest in turning him down. He shouldn’t have outed you. You shouldn’t have outed him back in revenge.
The only person that should be deciding that is that person themselves and only for themselves. You both were terrible to each other.
ESH. You should have just turned him down and not lied, asshole. He didn’t respect your privacy and outed you, asshole. You took revenge, again, like an asshole. God I do not miss my teenage years.
You don’t have to come out to every gay person who asks you out, actually. Not all gays are safe to come out to as both OP and this other guy have demonstrated.
You don’t have to come out at all to turn someone down, actually. Just say you are only interested in being friends, no need to explain your sexual preferences.
ESH.
Your friend, major AH and a creep for sneaking pictures of you on a date.
You, minor AH for beating around the bushes when rejecting him. If you’re not interested, say you’re not interested.
Both outing of each other in group chats are equally barbaric to me.
You are both assholes. You’d think a gay person would know better than to do something like that, but I guess mutual circumstances don’t produce empathy for you.
ESH. What your friend did is awful but you outing someone isn’t okay just to get even, either. If your friend is gay and open with you about it, but you still didn’t feel you could come out to him, I’d say it’s worth re-evaluating how close you are.
…Maybe I’m an asshole, but I’d do the same thing to be completely honest here.
But yeah, I’d go ahead and say NTA Since he outed you first. It was to your friend group, You didn’t escalate it by outing him Outside the group and told his parents or work or anything else. the only other judgement that i could see working here would be esh, but i think it’s a soft eh and he sucks more since he shot first. you didn’t HAVE to put him on blast like that but i wouldn’t call it inexcusable that you did.
However, I wouldn’t go and call him your friend after this. he breached your trust, risked your safety (since, you can never really guarantee how anyone, even and especially friends and family, are going to take anything like this), and did so so…fragrantly.
Over being rejected.
You could have been truthful, saying you are gay but just not interested in him like that, but there’s nothing that says he wouldn’t have done that anyway.
I will say, that GC gonna be real awkward for the next while so, be prepared for that.
Only comment I have read that I agree with so far. Some people in this thread acting like it’s unjustified to punch someone who punches your first. Like, don’t dish out what you can’t take. It’s not the high road, but it’s not unwarranted either.
I’m bisexual, and I’m very “that’s not your business, don’t out someone”
…but his friend can’t handle rejection so that’s exactly what he did. This is karma 101. Stones in glass houses.
I also don’t know why people in this thread are acting like OP owes his friend the “real reason” why he was rejected. Rejection is rejection. Take it and move on.
He shouldn’t have outed you.
You shouldn’t have outed him for revenge.
ESH.