I’m trying to figure out if I handled this right or if I was being stubborn, so I figured I’d ask here.
This happened over the weekend. My wife and I were at a small dinner with two other couples. At one point I was telling a story about a trip we took a few years ago and just a funny moment that came up in conversation. Mid-story, she cut in and said, “No, that was the second night, not the first.”
I said, “I remember it as the first night” and kept going with the story without trying to argue over it. The moment passed and the rest of the dinner was fine.
On the drive home though, she brought it up. She said “You didn’t need to push back like that. It came off a bit dismissive.”
I listened and said “I hear you. I’m still okay with how I handled it”
In my mind there was nothing to apologize for, and my comment wasn’t about telling her she’s wrong, because I only stated my side of things without arguing about it.
She got irritated and said I was being defensive and that I “always need to be right.” Her tone got sharper and it stopped feeling like feedback and started feeling like she was arguing about her own feelings with me that I didn’t feel like I was responsible for. I tried to stay calm, but after a couple more comments I said something like:
“Clearly this isn’t really about that comment at dinner. I don’t think this is about me. If something else is bothering you, just talk to me directly, but I don’t love that it’s coming out like this. I’m going to take a walk and cool off, and I’ll be back. Hopefully we can talk about what’s actually going on.”
I grabbed my jacket and went for a walk around the block for about 20 minutes. She did talk to me about what was actually bothering her (unrelated to dinner) but still insists I was wrong and shouldn’t “talk over her”. I just said “I get that you feel that way but I still don’t agree that I caused this.”
I’m not trying to make it a power thing, but I also don’t want to default to giving in every time just to avoid tension. She’s free to see things her way but insisting she’s always right about things steps over the line for me when it comes to whether I feel respected in this relationship and dynamic or not. Which is possibly why I am being a little too particular about holding my ground.
NTA. She admitted she was salty over something unrelated but is too proud to fully acknowledge she misremembered something. And it’s not like you were abrasive about it.
Nta. Technically if she didn’t need to be right she would have let it go and not have interrupted you.
Correct
And she says that he feels he always needs to be right… While refusing to concede after she admitted that she was frustrated about something else. She did that he talks over her… While she interrupted his story about an irrelevant detail.
I vote NTA. I just hate it when someone is relating a story or amusing anecdote and their spouse interrupts to correct details that are not significant to the point of the story. Who cares which night it happened?
It’s distracting and steals the moment, ruining the pacing of the story.
I decided to quit socializing with one couple because the husband constantly interrupts his wife like this. Not all he does, but that pretty well describes how he behaves in general.
NTA.
The irritating part of this is she interrupted, and corrected him over a detail that didn’t matter! It doesn’t matter what day it was.
Correcting anyone over a small detail that is not impacting a story is rude.
Who knows who remembered it correctly? Does it matter? No.
Nobody likes people who have to correct their partner’s stories all the time. Who cares about the small details of it? It’s hard being around a couple like that
NTA.
Regardless what people think on whether you should argue or concede or whatever, the important part is this:
*She is the one who talked over you, corrected you, and felt she just had to be right. While **you** were telling a story.*
Exactly. But look how many people completely ignored that fact
NTA
She got irritated and said I was being defensive and that I “always need to be right.”
“You always need to be right” said the woman who went out of her way to correct you on a pretty insignificant detail.
ESH
I think your method of communicating is unnecessarily antagonistic.
Right from the start your response of I remember it as…. does not add any value. Simply saying it could have been eliminates this whole issue.
She did not need to correct you and you did not need to correct her. Yes and rather than abrupt dismissal is such a better way to live.
Saying I hear you, I’m still okay with how I handled it is the weaponization of therapy talk. You don’t hear her, you made no effort to acknowledge her issue, essentially you said I know your feelings got hurt but I don’t care. You could at least be honest in your dismissal of her opinion instead of disguising it.
I like your leaving the situation to de-escalate. I do think you stating this isn’t about dinner is not productive as you are not a mind reader and are speaking for her.
So I think you both could have handled this situation better.
Yeah wife was annoying but OP seems to live his entire life weaponizing therapy speak against his wife.
Wife might do it too, who knows.
They’re both assholes for having such a big argument about something dumb
I think it’s the therapy speak that gets me. Every one of his responses is exactly textbook perfect. So either he’s a therapist, he constantly uses therapy speak, or he’s lying about his responses to look better. It kind seems like “look how reasonable and responsive I was and how irrational she was”.
I don’t know what to actually believe here. Probably ESH. I have a feeling you and your wife see things pretty differently and would be different narrators. I guess even from your narration you sound at least a little dismissive of her and what she says/thinks.