I am in band, I have played flute for 7 years now, my mom didn’t want to pay for a show during my party so she said I could just play 3 songs, And i said okay. Lately i have been very busy due to school and I am also in 4 other programs and they take up all my time, I learned the songs, i chose the ones she wanted and that was that. Today she burst open in my room and said, what if you and your dad play a pretty christian dad and daughter song, i immediately said no, i would not like to. first of all the sheet music is hard to find, and I could compose it by ear but I don’t have perfect pitch and it would take some time because I’d need to practice it. She asked me if I wanted to be forced to do it, I told her to do whatever it is she wanted and tell me what is that she wanted me to do. She immediately started screaming at me which is not unusual, she is a very emotionally immature person and I’ve learned to deal with it. She just said she wished she never did anything for me and that my personality was disgusting. I would have said yes if no religion was involved. I am an athiest and they are both die hard christians yet all they do is insult me and tell me to shut up when im talking to them. (no kidding thats actually all they do) oh and blame me for everytime my little brother gets hurt. Im pretty tired so maybe thats why it doesnt bother me as much.
NTA
NTA. Not even close.
NAH- you both seem pretty set in your ways, and while neither one is necessarily incorrect, you do understand that much of your actual Quinceañera will have religious undertones? Are you not having a mass? You would be better off telling your mother that (as you said) you just don’t have the time to learn another song. I’m sorry that this celebration of you has become a way for your parents to assert control over you- as you grow up you will realize this is more common than you ever imagined. If you want the party, demure to her demands as much as possible. If you don’t, no hill is too little a hill to die on; just understand that this will almost certainly end with a reduction in your celebrations.
No, Because the second you start giving into them, they’re gonna continue doing it for the rest of your life. I know because my mother is the exact same way and another thing is more than likely all they’re gonna do is just get mad at you, but they’re not gonna cancel anything because it would be bad face value for them. You gotta understand that a lot of Spanish families are all about face. They’re not gonna cancel any parties because to cancel the party would be to tell everybody why they’re canceling the party. Be firm in what you believe. Don’t be rude about it. But be firm. They’re not gonna stop, but they’re expecting you to.
I have parents like this and your not the a hole if you cave once they will not only hold it over your head but also try to guilt trip you with that’s not how you were raised trust me on this not even once
NTA!! It’s your celebration so why can’t you have what you want? They’re being dumb.
Nta. I’m so sorry your parents suck. This day should be about celebrating you. It isn’t unreasonable to want to not perform a Christian song if you’re not Christian. It’s reasonable to not want to duet with Dad. It’s reasonable to not want to perform at your own quinceañera. I’m sorry they won’t listen to you op. It sounds like you’ve got a whole future ahead of you, you just have to get through the time here first. Keep focusing on your studies and your music and allow that to be your lifeline out of their controlling sphere. Wishing you the happiest birthday possible. You sound like an incredible kid!
You are neither, in my opinion.
You’re 15 . It’s a tough age
Not sure if parents are replying or of it makes a difference.
As a MOM, man we love you. An event like this is a huge leap closer to You’re independence. Maybe you don’t want anything religious, but it means something TO HER.
Write a letter ( and make a copy) that says how you feel, but you also understand how she feels. Acknowledge that as you’re maturing and when you love someone you compromise. So mama I will do the sing but please know that at my wedding, it will be my wedding.
To give you a perspective. My kids live in 3 places.
My youngest is 32, I’m 57 . I only see her 1 a year or so.
If I live to 77 I will only see my precious daughter 22 times.
Let your mom have this moment as a thank you for all her support. Mom are not perfect. We’ve been everything to our kids, we know to let go, but sometimes, we need once more …I can’t out into words the emotions of proudly seeing your child mature, yet still in diapers covered in God at the 6yr old missing a tooth…. the memories … and the hope and pride.
It’s a 3 min. Song you’ll forget but 3 mins she never will.
Not answering the rest of the question, but, if one or both parents wish to impose a specific selection of music, the least they could do is to get her the sheet music.
NTA. Your Quinceañera should reflect your values, and yours alone. This is the perfect age to stand your ground about religious traditions. Congrats on standing up for your beliefs!