So I made a post yesterday and saw others commented that I was indeed ‘using’ my friend (We are both women in our mid 30s).
So I texted my friend today and clarified things, that I am sorry to make her feel that way, but I never meant to use her or her boyfriend. As compensation, I invite her and her boyfriend to my home next weekend so I can cook for them.
However, she refused my invitation, and our conversation did not go well. She initially gave excuses that she/her bf was busy. I let her suggest another date, but she didn’t pick. Finally, she admitted that she and her bf didn’t want us to go out ‘too frequently’; she said they wanted intimate times together instead of group events. But I have only invited them once a month or less.
She also pointed out her bf didn’t really like me. She gave an example of the last time the 3 of us went out: I asked them to go body check with me. The medical centre was too far, and I didn’t want to go alone. They seemed to enjoy that day, but today she said they actually felt they ‘spent their holiday for me’ but still have to ‘do everything’ (it’s just tiny things such as looking up the map and checking the places for me). And she mentioned that her bf has to pay for my meal. But I think it’s just the gentleman that needs to pay? And it would be petty if he just paid for my friend.
She also said every time I invite them, her bf just comes along because he ‘respects his gf’, but not because he regards me as a friend?? To be very honest, I didn’t try to flirt with his boyfriend or have any weird intention. I never contact him directly. But I just think she is my best friend; her bf and I are naturally close friends?? Just like when you are in a relationship with someone, you respect and love their parents/pets/best friends.
Now I feel like her bf talks bad about me, but my best friend wasn’t on my side and even tried to exclude me.
AITA to treat my best friend’s bf as a close friend too? And expect him to treat me this way? When I was in relationship, I always make sure they respect and treat my best friends well too.
YTA, gently. You’re projecting how you treat your friends’ partners onto her relationship. Her boyfriend doesn’t have to see you as a close friend, and honestly most people don’t. He’s being polite and respectful, which is the baseline, not a snub. Expecting emotional closeness, solo activities, or “gentleman” behavior the same way you’d expect from a close friend crosses a boundary, especially when your friend is clearly uncomfortable. The fact she’s telling you this is actually her trying to save the friendship.
YTA who should someone else’s boyfriend be expected to pay for you? That’s very rude of you to expect that. Also, it was nice of you to invite them over but if she declines, let her! Then you asked her to pick a date and she didn’t? The end. That’s it, you don’t keep asking but why and what about the other time and once a month isn’t too much….just say ok, I understand maybe some other time.
You sound very demanding and self centered
YTA, you’re weirdly entitled and rude, and you are oddly attached to your friend’s boyfriend. He is NOT your friend, you are NOT owed a meal because he’s a man, and you should have made their favor to you as painless as possible for them.
You’re actually a really bad friend.
You need to be more independent. Clearly people don’t want to drive you, pay for your meals, look up info for you , buy gifts for you, etc. Her bf is not obligated to pay for your meals because he is a “gentleman”. You have worn out your welcome with these nice people. Give them some space.
YTA and entitled as fuck. It’s okay for people to not like you and not want to spend time with you as well
I’m very confused by the “body check”? I really hope this isn’t real. If it is, please give your friend and her boyfriend space and seek a therapist who can help you establish healthy boundaries. Her boyfriend should not be paying for you.
Give her space and maybe eventually offer to take them out to dinner or a spa day with just her. But if you keep pushing too hard, you will probably lose the friendship.
YTA you sound entitled. Especially when you mention that bit about her BF having to pay for you because he is the ‘gentleman’. This is 2026 you are an adult meeting other adults for a meal. You are expected to pay for your meal. She is his partner they decide how they pay for their meal she may choose to pay or he may choose to pay or they each pay for them self. But for you to expect him to pay for you to eat when they go out with you. Especially if you are the one asking them to go out. Speaks volumes about your character.
YTA. Partners of friends don’t owe you friendship or a meal. You think guys are supposed to pay, you obviously don’t think of relationships as partnerships but instead concern yourself with what is due to someone, predominantly, it seems, to you. Both your posts reek of being an unreliable narrator.
She is outgrowing you and setting boundaries. Good for her. Leave her alone and find a therapist who works with people with narcissistic behaviors and on interpersonal relationships.
YTA
Stop using men for their money. You’re not entitled to them just for being a woman. That’s what a golddigger is. Plus you used your ex’s money to buy shit for you and your friends againsthis will, now expecting your friend to use her bf’s money for you. Quit trying to gaslight them that he’s the bad guy about your golddigging opportunist tendency disguised under villainising a man for not wanting to waste his money on a chick he doesn’t even care about. They’re not talking bad about you, you do something bad and they’re talking about it. Respecting your friend’s family & friends is not by expecting them to serve you for free & call them the bad guy for setting boundaries.
If a guy friend & his other guy friends invite you to his place for dinner expecting you to do the cooking & the dishes & might as well do his laundry & clean his house just because you’re already there & that you’re a woman so it’s just natural they expect you to do your womanly duties for the men, would you do it? Would you call that respecting you?
YTA. Why would the bf like you? Buy me this, take me here, carry my stuff, pay for my meal. He is NOT your servant.
I don’t understand what you mean by body check. Do you mean a regular physical exam or like MRI/CT scans?
Why is he paying for your meals? You are not treating him like a friend, and apparently he doesn’t see it as a friendship.
It seems like you want to be the three musketeers, but what you are asking for is what one would expect of a romantic partner. Just in this one story it was medical appointments, taking you places, paying for your meals, and running errands. I would send them a gift certificate for their favorite restaurant and leave them be.
YTA. Honestly you come off super needy. You are in your mid thirties (me too) and you can’t go to the doctor on your own, or find your own directions, check your own places, or pay for your own meal? Honestly you should have paid for them for spending their entire day taking you to the doctor.
Kinda sounds like you’ve been taking advantage of your friend for a while and now her bf is tired of watching it and also being pulled into it. I’m not surprised bf doesn’t want to be around you.. not to be mean, but I can’t stand people who are always asking of other people.
Also, inviting them to your home to cook, after her bf bought you a meal because you expected him to because he’s a man should be a gentleman and only paying for her is petty…. You couldn’t have offered to take them out for a meal. It’s like you want them to do wayy more for you than you are willing to do for them.
Lmao I’m pretty sure your friend is about to end this friendship and you’re still blissfully unaware of how out of pocket you’ve been acting.
YTA and a nut job. ‘Your’ best friend is trying to get away from you ! Take the hint and leave her the hell alone! Sounds like her boyfriend (Who in no shape or form, is your friend) has given her the courage to tell you to f*** off! And if you ever want a friend of any kind ever again, get your self sorted out because you are NOT a good friend.