I 39F have a best friend 35F. We talked daily, but she has been cold to me lately, and our friendship has changed a bit after she’s in relationship with her current bf (they are now together for about 6 months).
Before they were together, she treated me better and spent more time with me. And she’s willing to do things I like with me, such as go to pub or watch horror movies. I knew she didn’t like that, but her interests are just reading / boardgames/ video games which I don’t like.
Soon will be her birthday, I want to invite her come over to cook for her and watch movies together, but she said she just want a quick lunch. I felt like rejected by her again. And she told me she is ‘tired’ because she felt like I ‘gave her many quests, to prove that she cares about me’.
She gave some example, such as when she told me her bf get her a great dessert, I would say I want one, if she didn’t get me one, I would blame her for not caring me. And after she get me one, I will give her ‘another quest’, such as I want this candy bar, this key rings… She said she was exhausted on ‘endless proving’.
I never meant to ‘test’ her, but maybe I really want her to prove her loyalty to me, and I didn’t feel comfortable for her to be more attached than her bf than to me. I feel like I am losing her, but when I initiate more events or ask her for more favors, she reject them. (But she used to say yes in the past).
Another thing she mentioned was that she blames me for ‘playing victim.’ She said I am always telling her my sad past, how my exes mistreated me, and that I blame her when she replies to me late, or when she’s happy with her bf, I say I am lonely and they just don’t care about me… She said those are ‘playing victim,’ and she was annoyed by this. I am shocked to hear that. I think I show my vulnerable part to her because I trust her. But she said I am playing victim.
AITA for wanting my best friend to prioritize me?
You were an asshole yesterday (as per the vote) and nothing has changed…
Are you trying to tank your karma here?
YTA
Just like your last one. YTA. You should be proving you’re a friend to her, which you’re not.
YTA. You are placing unrealistic expectations on her. She’s your friend, not your partner. You are not her number 1 person, and she should not be yours.
You are going to lose the entire friendship if you don’t start letting her be her own person and being supportive of her happiness.
YTA you are losing her because you don’t actually care about her or what she wants, or about maintaining your friendship. Listen to her. Respect her feelings. Don’t be so selfish and one sided.
It sounds exhausting to be you friend honestly!
Dude.. YTA. Are you so for real? You sound like you’re in love with your friend. Move on.
YTA
Are you really 39? She prioritized you a lot by always doing what you wanted since you seem to not want to do anything she wants to do. You wanted to do something for her birthday, she told you she wanted to do something with you but wanted something other than what you wanted and you somehow feel rejected?? It’s *her* birthday, and she’s still spending time with you? From her examples, yeah it seems like you’re not being the greatest friend and I understand why she stopped prioritizing you as much
YTA. You’re clingy, overbearing, high maintenance, emotional, neurotic, and she’s tired of you. I’m tired of you after reading this. You’re too old to be acting like this.
YTA. You sound demanding and exhausting. And also, you sound like a selfish 15 year old.
People have the right to grow up, find partners and move on with their lives without being guilt-tripped for it.
This is not meant as criticism. If you’re not in therapy, you should be.
You sound exhausting. Friendships are give and take, equally. You sound jealous that she’s in a relationship.
The sheer audacity of you expecting your “friend” to prioritise you, I’m amazed she’s stuck it out this long.
YTA
YTA.
It is only natural for someone to prioritize their partner over their friend.
>I never meant to ‘test’ her, but maybe I really want her to prove her loyalty to me, and I didn’t feel comfortable for her to be more attached than her bf than me
You’re sounding like a jealous girlfriend when you’re not her girlfriend. She doesn’t need to prove her loyalty to you or anything. You keep acting like this, you will lose your friend entirely
EDIT: Your responses make you more of an AH OP. You won’t do any of her likes but expect her to always do anything you like. You want a one-sided friendship that favors you
YTA. It seems like your friendship is you bossing her around and getting annoyed when she doesn’t do what you want. She’s clearly tired of that. No offence, but you sound exhausting. A friend should never expect to be treated more importantly than a boyfriend. And yes, you are playing victim. Instead of being happy for her and her relationship, you somehow make it about yourself and how you feel. As a friend, you should be happy for her. Not go “but what about me?”
You seem to be using her to make yourself feel better or to feel less lonely, but that’s not fair to her. You’re using her. Not being her friend.
YTA. You sound like a terrible friend. Demanding she prove her friendship by getting a uou a dessert or a key ring? Thats manipulation not friendship. No wonder she doesn’t want to hang with you.
Friendship is caring about, or at minimum taking an interest in, what your friends like. You are just high maintenance