I 24(m) got a gift from my girlfriend 21(f) for my birthday late last year which was some sweat pants and a jacket.
Now I’m very particular with what I wear, I love the jacket but I didn’t really like the pants so about a month ago I listed the on depop
Fast forward to today and it turns out that my girlfriend found the listing and was some what upset that I tried to sell the pants but understood why I was selling them.
She was more upset at the fact that I didn’t tell her that I was selling them and that she had to find out that I was trying to sell them. Am I the asshole for trying to sell them or not telling her that I’m selling them?
YTA
An AH? Probably not.
Tone deaf and a bit foolish? Pretty much.
It is your gift to do with what you want. It is a general courtesy to manage the gift giving/receiving process in a way that does not result in hurt or offence however.
NAH
YTA. They were a gift that I’m sure your gf put effort into finding for you. It’s fine that you didn’t like them but you absolutely should have asked her if she’d mind you selling them… Better manners you would have gone with her to exchange them for ones you do like.
If you were trying to protect her feelings by not telling her, why list them on an app she also uses?
Idk about asshole but you are dumb for not just telling her right away they weren’t to your taste so you could return them for something you liked instead losing 2/3 the value selling on the second hand market. Buying clothes is always a gamble and reasonable partners are willing to switch if it’s not a hit. Especially if you get to shop for the replacement together which can be a fun date. Communicate better.
My hubby got stuck eating a meal he didn’t like, over and over again, because he couldn’t find a way to say he didn’t like it.
Communication is EVERYTHING. Seriously
You should have told her you didn’t like them to begin with so she could have gotten her money back
NAH this isn’t really deep enough to call anyone an ass
NTA. Ur a lil dumb for not telling her. We all get gifts we don’t care for and if it’s from a loved one, like your girlfriend, a quick little “hey I love the jacket but the pants aren’t my vibe. I was gonna put them on depop.” wouldn’t hurt. It would actually be a lot nicer.
It’s a lil more hurtful to see something i gave to someone i care for on a website where they can make a profit. I hope that makes sense
YTA – not because you were selling them but because you didn’t let her know or talk to her about it prior to listing
YTA for not talking to her. Do you genuinely not see her point? Because there’s a lack of empathy here which maybe needs addressing. Do you have a friend or family member you vibe with who tends to be able to put things in a way you can understand?
People would usually rather know (kindly!!!) if a gift is no good. Knowing your interests, likes and dislikes, and having the opportunity to do better is important to a partner. If it were the other way round, would you not prefer she tell you how she felt rather than sell gifts behind your back?
I’m genuinely perplexed at the fact you don’t see her point. You’re not at all wrong for not liking a gift, just for the way you dealt with the situation from beginning to end.
Easy YTA, and you even know it.
I would be upset if my significant other just sold a gift i gave them with out even letting me know so I get why she is upset but technically you didn’t have to tell her.
YTA for how you went about it, not for not keeping the pants.
A girlfriend is presumably someone who will give you gifts in the future. If she doesn’t know you don’t like a gift or it doesn’t fit, she wastes time and effort in the future continuing to buy you gifts you don’t want. Saying nothing implies you like them, especially if you two don’t live together so she wouldn’t necessarily notice you didn’t wear them. No one wins in this scenario.
Mature adults tell a partner when something isn’t right. The flip side of that is mature adults accept (respectful, constructive) feedback. “Thank you. I love the jacket. The pants aren’t my vibe. If you want to return them and get your money back, you can.“ Or even “The pants don’t work for me because… Is there a gift receipt so I can exchange them?” would have been better. Re-selling them, you’ll make a fraction of what she paid, so she’s just out that money. She was ok being out that money to get you something you hopefully liked. I can see why she’s not ok being out that money so you can make a fraction of that money.
Gonna go with NAH yet.
Your belongings are yours to sell or keep. But yeah, some communication would have been a good idea. Nothing here quite rises to an AH level yet. Talk it out.