So, I’m originally from Los Angeles. I’m Hispanic. I’m living in Indiana, and yes it’s fuggin awful here. I have a neurological disorder, I’m getting older and the amount of racism and homophobia with the people here would have you thinking it’s 1950. My boyfriend, told me he won’t leave till his parents 💀 I tried to compromise by saying let’s leave in 4-5 years, still a no. Frustrated, I told him he’s not a baby, and many people live away from their parents. Having worked for the funeral industry, it was eye opening. Life is fragile and short. You gotta start living for you and what’s best. I mentioned not feeling like a priority and he said I’m not when it comes to his parents, then to soften the blow he said not a priority when it comes to leaving the state. We have discussed marriage and the future. He also grew up very privileged. His parents are well off and I tried to reason with him that they can afford to visit us if we leave. He then said maybe we’re just not compatible. My feelings are hurt but I’m also furious. Am I the ahole? Should I be more understanding about him not wanting to leave because of his parents? I had a tough childhood so I don’t know what a healthy family is so that’s why I ask for input. Is this reasonable for a 36 year old man to not want to move?
what about chicago? close by to drive depending on where you are in indiana and much more progressive
No one is the AH here, but you just want different things. Maybe saying goodbye before the resentment ruins your relationship is something you should consider.
NTA. My life got instantly better the second I left Indiana.
NAH. He’s not wrong to want to live near his parents and you’re not wrong for doggone sure not wrong to want to get to a safe place. Unfortunately the two are choices are not compatible. It’s time for a quick, clean breakup.
He’s just not the one.
Good luck to you, and cheers to better days ahead.
Edit: missing words
Dump his ass
NTA. Are you trying to tell yourself you can’t live in a hostile Midwest town until bae’s parents die… aka whenever the heck that may be. 10? 30 years?
Prioritize yourself, always boo. If you are not safe, calm and happy, how are you supposed to be healthy? Let him know where you will be moving and invite him to join you. If he goes with you, yay. If he stays, remember IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU or your worthiness of love. This is him having either having something he can work through, or maybe it’s a deal breaker.
You deserve to live in a community that values you. Thinking of home should feel like a big puffy heart. Not anxiety.
NAH – listen to what he’s already told you, you two aren’t compatible and now break up and move wherever the hell you want.
nah. you both just have different priorities
>He then said maybe we’re just not compatible.
Go back home and find someone you are compatible with.
Edit for judgement: NAH
NTA He’s okay with you experiencing racism. He’s also never going to leave. Not now. Not when his parents are gone. Not ever. Don’t waste your life in Indiana on a guy who doesn’t care that you’re unhappy.
You two don’t sound compatible and you are also presumably young. Get some THERAPY invest in yourself so you can figure out what healthy looks like. In the interium, can you move to a different city in Indiana? I live in Indiana and there are lovely towns that are very progressive and multicultural. Look into some of the big college towns.
NAH. It is reasonable for him to NOT want to move and reasonable for you to want to move.
NTA. Don’t marry a man who knows you are profoundly unhappy and doesn’t care. Time to say goodbye, move somewhere you want to be and find someone who makes you happy.
NAH. He’s right, you’re not compatible.
NAH. You all have different priorities and desires. There is absolutely nothing wrong with his stance or yours. He’s actually being very honest with you. You aren’t compatible.