So my dad took me to a concert I got tickets to a little over a month ago. He smokes weed every day, so I asked him if he would mind not doing it around me. He was the only ride I could get, so he agreed. I ended up having a great night, but he told me a few days after that he had actually been high that night. Not because he smoked beforehand, but because he “had” to go to the dispensary to get an edible chocolate bar. He said something along the lines of, “Because of your anxiety, I had to spend money I didn’t have to get high”. So not only did he go back on what we agreed on, but he was high while he drove me to the concert and back, and completely disregarded how uncomfortable I am around it. Also the bar was sitting in the car the whole time, not left at home or anything. Maybe I’m being way too dramatic about this, but I feel like he betrayed my trust. Now he won’t even text me, for whatever reason. We used to talk every single day, but it’s been a month and a half since he’s texted me. That’s really weird for him. I genuinely want to know if I’m in the wrong.
For more context, I have severe ocd around drugs and alcohol. I’ve explained it to him. I know it’s not his problem, but he’s been supportive about it. That’s why this was so upsetting.
NTA
Seems like junkie logic to me.
Any excuse to get high “Because of your anxiety, I had to spend money I didn’t have to get high”.
Doesn’t matter if you have severe OCD or not. I don’t even think that would be OCD tbh. But you know you better than I know you.
NTA. He made a choice to drive impaired and blamed you for it? That’s some backwards thinking. Your boundaries matter and he completely disrespected them.
NTA
Your boundaries are just that your own, have you ever spoke to your father why he smokes/takes weed?
He should have just said no to bringing you.
NTA He screwed up but doesn’t want to take responsibility for it so he’s trying to turn it around on you so that you’re the bad guy in this story instead of him. Maybe it’s a good thing that you two are low-contact for a little while.
Second this. In his mind he was probably hoping to justify himself and thought that by telling you he smoked and you weren’t even aware but still had a good time, it would make it ok.
If he’s anything like my dad, he’ll reach out in a month or so and act like nothing ever happened.
I don’t want anyone smoking weed around me, either. I don’t have anxiety. I don’t want to inhale weed smoke and I don’t want to smell its obnoxious stank nor do I want my skin, hair, or clothes to stank like weed, either.
I stay away from all smokers of anything.
Your dad is an addict. Like an addict, he lied to you about it and broke his promise.
You wanted him to be sober when he drove you and spent time with you, and he couldn’t do it.
Don’t trust him again, unless and until he becomes a sober person 100% of the time.
Sorry.
Would you ask him to not take vital medication around you?
Honestly NAH. I understand if he put your safety at risk, but repeated studies show 80+% of cannabis users drive while high, and while I don’t necessarily agree with it, it’s become normalized enough that maybe you should’ve expected that from your dad. It sounds like he’s being him and you’re familiar with his patterns enough to expect this from him. The guy likes to smoke weed. At a certain point, you have to take responsibility for the environments you put yourself in. I’d never go somewhere and say I need you to turn off the overhead lights because they give me extreme anxiety. If you knew he’s high every day like you said and you have extreme anxiety around weed, why did you ask him to drive you? Maybe try to get treatment for your anxiety or avoid obvious triggers. Anxiety doesn’t give you a reason to control others. You could try approaching it from a driving safety perspective instead, but really, alcohol is what causes extreme impairment while driving. Weed typically causes increased vigilance and paranoia which funnily enough tends to make drivers drive slower.
I’ll probably get downvoted for this but sorry this is how I feel. For the record I do NOT smoke weed.
NTA. He not only lied to you, but he broke his promise and endangered you by driving while high.
YTA. He didn’t smoke around you so he didn’t break your deal. Your OCD around drugs is for you to manage not others.