Hi I’m 15f and my dad is 50m he’s done a lot of entitled crap I’ve had to just sit through because I’m "only (insert teen age) and I don’t know anything" or "I’m child and he’s an adult" anyways here are some bs things he’s said in public
1) \*we were sitting in a deli shop\* some lady comes in and starts waiting in line to order food my dad tells me to turn around and look because her outfit is off putting to him and he doesn’t like her ashy feet (mind you his own feet are in terrible condition)she was literally wearing yoga pants a black shirt and some flip flops while I’m still tryna figure out why this even matters because for one we don’t even know this lady he goes on and on abt my appearance and having to always dress up and then he says "because you should always look like a delicate flower for men"…. He’s like so out of touch with reality
2) \*same day we’re still in a sandwich place\* he starts talking to me about how he hates gay media which doesn’t concern him at all when I asked her my final question to see the root of the problem he says he doesn’t like it when two men kiss on camera so I ask him if he doesn’t like when people are affection on TV and then he says no just men.. Man having to explain to my father that everyone needs representation and the media isn’t all for him anyways was crazy
3) my mom bought me some fake nose piercings because she knows I want to get it done but she doesn’t want me getting my nose pierced now and I wear them for like a good few days and my dad sees them and starts telling me how unattractive nose piercings are and how he finds them unflattering and that I should never wear it again in the house in front of him and if I do he’ll take or out for me.. He’s wack for sure
4) I promise you I could go on and on but the last one I have right now is recent I had asked him if he was going up to (insert city) and if his was can he take me with him so I can see my boyfriend he begins to yell at me because he didn’t like my tone? And when my mom interjects and says that I didn’t mean it they way it came across he starts yelling at her for not letting him "chastise " me because I’m a teen.. I have the voice recording to this one if anyone wants to hear
Edit: I no longer have his voice recording 😭
Edit 2: it’s been years I’m 19 and he passed 6-8 ish months ago still wanted to post this just cause there was so much more but gah I’m over it
I’m sorry for your loss: the actual loss of your father, and the loss of your notion of a good father for you*.
It’s OK to be angry at him. It’s easier to dig up things that annoyed you in the past, rather than sit with your feelings—part of which could be anger that he’s gone. That anger can swell even if the death wasn’t even “his fault.” Sometimes, we think “how dare he/she/they leave me with this mess?” Kind of blaming the victim.
May I vote that often, Life is the Asshole. And Death definitely is.
So in this case, parsing over who was in the wrong is not as fruitful as seeking healing is. Journaling might be a good outlet for you. Can you find someone safe with whom you can discuss your feelings? If you’re in college, there probably have counselors on staff, or you could look for a therapist who will charge you based on “on a sliding scale.” psychologytoday.com has listings in every state.
No matter how ridiculous or venal we think a parent is, it’s still a huge thing to lose them. I wish you well in your journey in life.
move on.
I’m trying
Your father came from a different time. Everything he said and did would have been normal for him growing up. Its hard for people to change, especially older folk. Was what he said ok for our standards now? No. But I don’t think it made him a bad person. He loved you and wanted the best for you in his own fucked up way. I am so sorry for your loss OP.
Oh no he was awful he was physically abusive to me and all my siblings this is light work although I do agree he loved me kinda to a degree it was conditional but I I like to think he loved me so thank you
Oh wow, I’m so sorry OP. I’m rooting for you <3