I haven’t seen her in person in a long time (I’m talking pre-pandemic), and even when we were hanging out regularly, she had this habit of taking inordinate amounts of time to respond to texts; I’d say something in the morning and wouldn’t get a response until that night, if at all. A good 90% of the time, I was the one trying to make plans and she only would when she needed something (a ride, help with an assignment, etc.)
Over COVID, we sort of drifted apart, talking less and less. After restrictions were lifted, she would text me every few months to say hello, seemingly to start a conversation. I’d respond and ask a follow-up question or two, and then she’d go silent for a few more months. Maybe twice a year for the last 5, she’s become the one to reach out first, wanting to make plans. I would always say yes and give her my availability only for her to never reply until her next tri-monthly text. Or, if we did have something set, I’d wind up waiting all day just to get a cancellation and an apology. Last time this happened, I didn’t even bother to get dressed because I knew what to expect. Sure enough, half an hour after we were meant to meet up, I get the routine "I’m sooo sorry" text before once again getting ghosted. This used to make me upset, but this time I honestly didn’t care.
Cut to this week. She reaches out, after not responding to my response the last time she reached out, of course, wanting to know if I want to do something soon. I haven’t texted back, because
A. I figure she won’t respond even if I do.
B. If she *does* respond, she’ll just end up cancelling.
and
C. If I’m being real, even though I haven’t seen her in so long, I can’t say that I miss her.
There are several other reasons why I think I shouldn’t hang out with her, but what do you think? Am I an asshole for not wanting to?
NTA but maybe instead of ghosting her stop agreeing to plans and communicate to her it’s bothering you how they never work out. It all depends if you really want to stay friends.
Oh, she’s fully aware that she never gets back to me in a timely manner. It’s always part of her apology. She’s also the kind of person who takes any criticism as an attack, so I wouldn’t know how to frame the fact that I feel like a coat on a rack without sounding like I’m calling her a bad friend. And given that it’s been so long since I’ve seen her, it feels easier to not even expend the emotional energy.
NTA, sounds like it’s time to let this friendship die.
Just let it die on its own. Reply when you feel like it, when you dont, just dont.
NTA. If you don;t want to hang out with someone, then don’t. You don’t even need to have a reason you can articulate. But you have several here, and I think all very justified.
in the now famous words of a certain Disney Princess “let it go”