I have a few plans with my partner next month. We’re going away for the day next weekend, we have tickets booked for the cinema the following weekend, we’re going out for a meal this weekend and we’re going to an event at a bar we love on the last week of the month.
We were talking last night and I mentioned the day out we had planned next weekend. She asked what day it was again and I told her. She said she can’t do that day so we can’t go as she has arranged to catch up with friends.
She also asked when the event was at the bar so I told her. She then said we’ll have to cancel that as she has made plans with other friends she hasn’t seen in ages as that was the only day they could all do. I pointed out it wasn’t a day they could all do since she had plans.
She apologised but said there was nothing she could do but I mentioned there was something she could do; tell her friends she realised she’s actually busy that day. She said she couldn’t do that as she hasn’t seen them in a while.
I pointed out she’s clearly only making plans with me when she’s got nothing else to do. I told her if she isn’t bothering to stick to our plans I expect her to pay me for the money I’ve lost.
She said I was being unfair but I just told her she was treating me like an afterthought and doesn’t give a second though to cancelling on me the second anything else comes along.
She just said I was being harsh to her but I told her it’s shitty of her to happily cancel on me the second anything else comes along. I said she should be sticking to our plans and not cancelling these one her fiends want to meet up.
AITA for expecting my gf to stick to our plans?
NTA – especially as you’d booked cinema tickets (assuming she knew this as well). She has effectively put her friends over you in this scenario whatever way you look at it.
Personally I would have an honest conversation about how you feel and see how it goes from there. I don’t think she’s done the worst thing in the world but it may reveal a glimpse into her loyalty.
Info: did she agree to these plans and the days they were booked in for or did you assume she was free?
I feel like this must be the case, and if not, meaning y’all agreed to plans and she keeps breaking them without a care, she doesn’t respect him.
Yeah we made the plans together
I figured that was likely the case but you never know for sure. In that case NTA – I’m saying this as someone who doesn’t believe time with your partner always trumps friend time. Even if you take the types of relationship out of the equation, if you double-book, unless in exceptional circumstances, you go with the first plans you booked, especially if money had to be paid in advance.
It doesn’t sound like she prioritises you or cares that much. I don’t think there’s a future with this person, especially with the way she reacted when you called her out. It’s one thing to accidentally forget about plans but it doesn’t sound like she was sorry.
NTA
You guys made plans together, meaning she agreed to them. You’re not being unreasonable for requesting that she sticks to them, and that if she doesn’t, she should reimburse you for at least her part.
It does seem like she puts her friends first and doesn’t value the plans she made with you beforehand, which is a red flag. Hope you guys can talk this thing through.
NTA
Though I would add there’s prob some middle ground here. Sounds like you made plans for all the weekends and so when is she meant to meet up with friends
That said if money had been shelled out for said plans then cancelling them is extra rude. I suggest you guys set up a shared calendar and put your plans in that. Have some flexible plans that can be cancelled. Her friendships are still important
NTA
If she wants to make plans, she should make plans and not agree with your plans and then cancel on you.
I do think that for a lot of people, weekends are the only times they have free so it makes sense she wants to see them on weekends if most of them work 9-5 m-f jobs.
I would ask her to look at her own calendar and plan things and not have to cancel. Don’t focus on her cancelling. Talk to her about the disappointment you feel because you were looking forward to it. Explain that you feel like she’s not prioritizing you or the relationship. Ask her to be more mindful of time.
NTA, I think your gf doesn’t respect you and your relationships. She knew you both had planned something and still acted like you had not asked her. She should ask you first if you can change the plans. You paid for her tickets, so it’s fair if she gives you money back.
NTA.
stick to your plans, and go with a friend.
And while you are there maybe think about finding a partner that respects your time.
NTA, I understand things happen, and plans change, but in this case, it sounds like she knew she had plans and blew you off. I could be wrong, but since she lacked the grace to even volunteer to reimburse you, let alone argue about reimbursement, tells me she’s thoughtless enough to blow you off. Is she always like this? Or are you just now seeing what she is like? I don’t think it says much for her character, blowing you off and not offering to reimburse you.
At this point, I would not want to go to the event with her. Take someone else. Someone who would enjoy going with you.
sticking to plans is bare minimum respect
NTA I could understand that she wants to see friends she hasn’t seen, especially if they’re only there for that day. But she’s canceling on multiple things … things you’re out of pocket for. I’d absolutely ask for the money back because she is the one who canceled. You could invite a friend in her place.
And I’d invest in a whiteboard calendar going forward. Put it on the fridge or a wall you both frequently pass. Put your plans on there the minute you make them, then add them to your phone calendar. That way, she can’t claim that she didn’t know or forgot. It’s right there in front of her.
If she can’t do that much, she’s just not that into you.
INFO: are these plans noted somewhere in a shared calendar or something? Or you expect each other to remember every event you talk about and schedule? For me for example, if it is not in my calendar, it is not happening. I asked my boyfriend to put in my calendar everything he expects me to join. I have a busy life, and under no circumstances I can mentally track plans with everyone I know.