My mom (77) takes an annual trip out of state to visit my brother (58) and his family. The trip is the same time every year and she stays for about 5 days. My SiL does not like us. Never has. She never explicitly said so, but her behavior and attitude does. For example, she constantly frowns, give short, curt answers when we try to strike up a conversation, or walk away like she doesn’t hear us. Little things like that. She and my brother have been married for about 30 years and my now deceased sister and (54) I gave up on a relationship years ago. Anyway, when my mom went a couple of years ago, she and my brother got into an argument and she told him that he could get the eff out and “take his mammy with him”. My mom was extremely hurt and upset.
When I heard this I called my brother and he confirmed it. The argument was a bit intense because I felt like he should have stood up for our mom. Anyway, I demanded that mom never set foot in his house again. I told her that if he wants to see her, he can travel to us. (Mom lives with me). FF to 2025 and she’s planning her trip, told me when she’s planning to go. I looked at her like she grew an extra head and told her that I wasn’t going to buy her round trip ticket and to get there the best way she can. She bought a greyhound ticket and took the 16 hour ride. 🥴 I felt bad and paid for her ticket home. Mom won’t stop fussing at me for not buying her ticket in the first place, but says she enjoyed seeing the countryside. The SiL is still mean. Anyway, AITA for trying to forbid her from visiting my brother and refusing to buy her plane ticket?
She’s your mother not your child. YTA
It is the same as “I don’t want my friend to see this other person” and as always you’ll be told STOP TRYING TO POLICE OTHER PEOPLE’S RELATIONSHIPS
But does “not policing” mean OP has to pay for the tickets?
No. And that’s not what OP is asking to be judged on. She threw in the payment, which is irrelevant when asking if she is the asshole for TRYING TO BAN HER MOTHER FROM VISITING.
YTA – your mum can make her own decisions. If she still feels comfortable going, then don’t interfere
But not obligated to pay for the ticket
YTA-
Your grown mother is an adult and she can choose for herself. You can hate SIL all you want. You can refuse to go to their house. But you can’t prevent your mother from seeing her son.
It sounds like the SIL is a butthole though, so I’ll give you that. But don’t prevent your mother from seeing her baby. He might be 58, but that’s still her baby.
YTA. Who are you to demand your mom never step foot in your brother’s house? That’s very controlling. If your brother/SIL don’t want her to visit thats for them to set their own boundaries and tell her not to visit, not for you to ban your mom from visiting.
YTA you don’t get to control what your mom does and where she goes.
YTA. Unless you’re your mother’s conservator/care taker…You shouldn’t be demanding that she do anything she doesn’t want to do. And yeah, you should have paid for the ticket to fly her safely instead of a bus trip. Which leads me to believe that you’re generally an AH if things don’t go your way.
Sister-in-Law…Generally people don’t act the way you claim she is acting unless provoked. Which leads me to question why DOES she hate you, your mother and sister?
YTA
Your mom is a grown woman. If she wants to go visit, she can. You don’t get to “demand” she do or not do anything.
YTA: Your mother is capable of making her own choices. You can suggest, but to demand, especially for something you have no direct part in, is an AH move.
YTA
Your mom is a grown ass adult, if she wanted to visit her son she can visit her son
You don’t get to try to use your money to forbid her for doing anything
YTA. Your mother is not a child. She can decide what type of relationship she has with her DIL. You also tried to forbid two adults from interacting because of things you heard third hand. Stay out of it.
YTA. She’s a grown woman who can make her own decisions whether to visit her other adult child or not. You don’t get to control that.