My spouse has specific food allergies and has been on the whole 30 diet. They are near the end where they can eat specific foods. My teen and I opted not to join my spouse, but would eat meals along with her that were compatible with her allergies and the whole 30 diet.
I went to pick up my teen after school and we normally stop at Panera to get drinks on their subscription plan. While I was there I checked my accounts and noticed that we had discounts that would make 2 meals free. I called my spouse and asked if they could eat anything at Panera within the end of the whole 30 diet and their allergies. They said Panera is hit or miss for them on allergens and they couldn’t eat any of it.
We were doing leftovers, so I told my teen we could bring the two meals home and have them. When we walked in, my spouse became very upset and said I shouldn’t have brought them home knowing that she couldn’t eat any of it. I then said we could just stick them in the refrigerator and eat them at a later time when my spouse wasn’t around. My spouse was still upset and said just because something is free doesn’t mean I have to get it.
AITA?
NTA. You aren’t taking part in the diet and you are being mindful not to eat it around them. Just like how you are respecting their food choice, they need to respect yours.
She’s on a diet, not you. NTA
NTA.
The diet is their choice. By the sounds of it you’ve been very sympathetic to your partners needs when it comes to dinner. it’s not a crime to treat yourself and your kid. You maybe could have gotten something else on the way home that meets their diet restrictions but ultimately your not on the same diet and for your spouse to expect you not to eat a different diet is a bit ridiculous.
Maybe try and work out a weekly meal prep? maybe 5 days a week you cook dinner with her diet in mind and 2 days you get what you want?
NTA What a ridiculous position to take. Sound like she’s struggling a bit with her food limitations and taking it out on you.
NTA. I hate when people make THEIR diet YOUR problem. You’re not somehow doing something to get by just eating food in front of her, especially when she CHOSE not to eat it
NTA – the fact you called and offered and then tried to compromise after you saw she was upset is very fair and reasonable. She chose the diet, the whole 30 is very tough so she could be having a moment with her body and reacted poorly. I would just apologize but leave it at that, the rest is on her to get over.
NTA unless bringing said food into the house alone could cause her to have an allergic reaction, that would then make you the asshole.
just because someone in the household is on a diet, does not mean everyone must comply and cannot have food they want (again, barring severe allergy risks)
I’ve just looked up the 30 diet so can understand why she is so fucking miserable, but that doesn’t mean she can take it out on you and your child. You did nothing wrong. NTA.
NTA-one persons specialized diet doesn’t affect the entire household. Her not being able to eat it isn’t anyone else’s problem.
I have dietary requirements that are kinda strict, I would never ever expect my spouse to follow them or to not eat things I can’t eat in his own home.
Nta
My personal opinion is , while incredibly empathetic with people with food allergies, it should not be a burden on those around them to behave like they too have that allergy. Or if people are on a diet, not everyone around them need to be on that diet. THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO AIRBORN ALLERGANS OR CROSS CONTAMINATION. You have been very supportive of her, and she should consider appreciating that support by not complaining about this rare event of you and your child having ONE meal that she cannot eat bc of diet SHE is on. Consideration is a two way street!
As someone with severe food allergies I agree, but in practice the whole household borderline ends up on the allergy diet anyway. The rules around things like cross contamination are just too complicated otherwise, and it’s not particularly convenient to make multiple meals on the regular. This goes tenfold for a spouse, because there are very specific cross contamination rules around kissing. I’ve always had my allergens in my home, but my family have adhered to my diet probably about 70-80% of the time, just because it’s less work for them and reduces the likelihood of accidents.
In saying that FWIW while people are talking about tempting her with foods she can’t eat, most people with allergies will have an aversion to those foods anyway. For me personally it’s really not tempting at all, so I don’t really care if the people around me are eating them. It’s mentally equivalent to eating poison or rotted food for most allergy people.
OP’s wife is still absolutely TA here because she’s being very excessive and unreasonable about it, but I did just want to point out that in practice it’s not uncommon at all for households to mostly adhere to a single member’s allergy diet, at least while at home. It’s just that most people will allow some exceptions to the rule, and that the decision will usually be a mutual one- in my experience it’s usually the non-allergic person that chooses to draw that line in the sand.
NTA, unless these meals were taking up the entire fridge, there has to be other foods right? Why must every single thing in the fridge be able to be eaten by her? As long as it’s labeled not to eat so she doesn’t get surprised with a deadly allergic reaction or something, I don’t get the problem.
Entitled AF.
When my niece was breastfeeding, she was having some problems (of the number 2 variety). One of the of the doctors decided that it was because she couldn’t handle all the types of food my sister was eating, so my sister had to go on a very restrictive diet and slowly reintroduce foods to see how her daughter would react. Eating out wasn’t doable (completely understood) and holidays were a little hard food wise. My sister did not at all expect everyone, not even her own husband, to only eat the foods she could eat, just that there would be some available for her. And of course we did everything we could to make things like that, with varying results. The gluten-free stuffing was the consistency of glue (maybe because we also had to use dairy free butter), but the gluten-free baguettes were pretty good (also, a lot of fries have gluten in them). So many things kept changing, and she went a long time without being able to eat dairy (that was the last thing she was allowed to add back). But again, never expected us not to eat the things she couldn’t. The fact that your significant other did is just wild.
Just because she’s on a diet doesn’t mean everyone else has to adhere to it or stop living their lives. She’s being the selfish asshole.