Update I am going to talk to my SIL. i will go if it includes an apology if it doesn’t I am not going
I am not going… I talked to her and she apologized and told me I can bring my food (that was fin) and then told me she would still like me to try her food. I told her I can’t again and she said I was just need to try more food . She’s acting like I am being picky. I can’t fucking eat it without throwing up
im not fucking going.
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I don’t want to be in the company of someone that thinks I made some shit up and be called picky for a medical issue
I don’t, I have lived my whole life dealing with people thinking I am just being a pain in the ass
So yeah I don’t want to go to dinner with someone that called my medical issue me being picky
everyone asking, I eat different types of beef dishes usually. meatloaf, meatballs, meat pies and so on. Rice is also good but I need to eat it with something not alone.
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I have ARFID, there are a lot of textures/flavors of food that will make my physically sick if I put them in my mouth. It has been an issue for as long as I can remember. My main safe food is plain beef and rice.
Usually for an event I just bring my own safe food and no one has any problems with it. My brother has recently gotten married to Jenna and she is vegetarian.
She invited the whole family to come over for dinner and not to worry about bringing anything. I texted her to ask what was going to be made and it is nothing I could eat. She was going to make eggplant Parmesan and pasta.
I told her that I wouldn’t be able to eat that ( she knows I have AFRID) and I can just bring my beef and rice. She told me absolutely not and I should just eat what she serves. I told her I literally can’t and she said I was just being picky.
I decided not to go and I told her that. I was upset so I told my mom about it and it spread tot he rest of the family form there. Multiple people are refusing to go to dinner.
Jenna is upset ( I haven’t talked to her tho she did call once) and my brother is telling me I can bring my beef and rice but I am still refusing to go. It’s more the principle of the whole thing at this point
Look, I get why you held your stand, but now you’re just being picky.
“I can bring it but am still refusing to go.” WTF is the actual “principle” that you are uplifting at this point? That you can’t forgive? That they can’t change? That you want to weaponize the whole family against them?
You were originally N T A but you are full-scale YTA now for being punitive.
I don’t want to be in the company of someone that thinks I made some shit up and be called picky for a medical issue
I don’t, I have lived my whole life dealing with people thinking I am just being a pain in the ass
So yeah I don’t want to go to dinner with someone that called my medical issue me being picky
Your side is fair but he’s married to her so it’s not a one time thing. What if you took some time to educate her on ARFID? Honestly, most people don’t know what this is. I only learned about it from watching Real Housewives lol. TBF your brother should have explained it to her by now, but if he hasn’t or doesn’t understand it, sitting down with both of them and talking about it is the only helpful option for an ongoing relationship. You were triggered by her bc of past experiences. She’s prob also triggered bc she’s a vegetarian and people have prob refused her food before. You’re actually probably both triggered by each other for the exact same thing – lack of understanding. At least try to repair it since it’s not a one time issue.
YTA
I was leaning towards NAH, but you mentioned that your brother has now said you can bring your beef and rice, but you’re continuing to dig your heels in for no reason.
You got your way… you can take your beef. There’s no need to be a jerk at this point. Now you sound like you’re enjoying the drama.
>my brother is telling me I can bring my beef and rice but I am still refusing to go It’s more the principle of the whole thing at this point
Disagree.
Jenna not only completely disregarded their medical condition, she insulted them because she doesn’t believe in said medical condition. Spending time with people who firmly disbelief in your medical history is **insufferable**. That’s the point that OP needs an apology for/understand of, not just “okay, yeah, you can bring your food this time, since it’s such a big deal. 🙄”.
Otherwise, Jenna is going to start trying to “prove” that OP is “just picky” and that their family is enabling them, the same way she tried to do this time.
That’s a lot of assumptions. Sounds like SIL messed up big time, and now she and her brother are making moves to fix the situation. Keep in mind, this is now impacting other family members too. OP is refusing to go “on principal” even though her SIL and brother and trying to resolve the situation.
SIL sounds super ignorant, don’t get me wrong. But OP is coming across as difficult.
“I won’t go because I can’t bring beef and rice. Now I won’t go because at one point, I couldn’t bring beef and rice. I’m going to go on Reddit to complain about that one time I was told I couldn’t bring beef and rice, even though I can bring it now.”
if she was truly trying to resolve the situation she would be calling and apologizing, not having her husband “give permission” to bring the beef
I’ve been vegetarian for a long time. I don’t really want meat in my home. But I’ve made exceptions when necessary to accommodate a guest. Anyone with a dietary restriction should be more sensitive to others’ food issues. NTA
She’s treating this like someone who doesn’t believe in allergies treats allergies. She doesn’t believe you have a REAL medical condition, therefore you’re just picky. NTA
Hard to believe any of these stories are real. I would go and just eat right beforehand. Or just bring plain rice etc.
So….
Everyone is on your side,
Jenna ~~admits that you’re probably right~~ *concedes,*
your partner confirmed that you can bring your safe foods to the dinner,
*and you’re still being butt hurt about it??*
*You got everything you wanted out of the situation.* **Now you’re just being an asshole.**
YTA
Are you reading another post?? Jenna never admitted shit, and her husband telling OP to bring the meat isn’t going to keep her from complaining at the dinner.
Why is OP not allowed to say “no” to this??
ESH.
I was about to go with N T A because Jenna knows you have AFRID and expected you to just (in a sense) turn it off to eat what she served. She needs to be accomodating.
>My brother is telling me I can bring my beef and rice but I am still refusing to go. It’s more the principle of the whole thing at this point
But then I read this. OP, your brother was letting you bring the food with you but now you’re acting childish. You got what you want but you don’t want to go because of…principle? You suck for (at this point) being petty
I don’t understand the outpouring of sympathy, like he can’t eat beforehand or just bring rice. Beef isn’t a medical device he needs to have on him at all times and it’s beyond rude to insist on bringing meat to a vegetarian’s dinner party
YTA for not trying to be better at addressing your own needs