I own a small business of 6 people including myself. When I rented out my space someone(Sara) already had an office in the space, I just rented out everything around her to build my business. Over the last 2 years since moving in, we’ve gotten to know this person and we’ve become friendly. We’ve invite her out to dinner a few times, she’s invite us to a birthday party, we know each others’s families. It’s been very kind and cordial and we enjoy her company despite her not working for me. We work in the same field, so we have a lot of overlap and often we all find ourselves hanging out in an office just to vent, catch up, stuff like that. She’ll help celebrate birthdays by bringing in cakes and cookies for people, or sometimes she just does it for no reason, which is also very sweet.
A few weeks ago I took the office out to dinner for the holidays but I did not invite Sara. She isn’t my employee, so I didn’t think to invite her to the company holiday party. We were talking about it at work and I’m assuming she must have overheard or something. Since we came back from that weekend we had the party and we were talking about it, I noticed she’s been a bit more withdrawn. She hasn’t come out of her office much, hasn’t brought in treats, just not hanging around us as much. I’m wondering if it’s related to her not being invited to the party since that’s when it seems to have started.
AITA for not inviting someone who doesn’t work for us to my holiday party?
NAH. You’re not required to invite her to your company holiday party, but it did indicate to her that she thought the relationship between her and you guys was closer than you did. She’s pulling back because she is matching your energy in not inviting her.
It would be N A H if he just accepted that they don’t owe each other anything and that’s how they’ll treat each other, but OP is YTA for bitching about her not bringing you in treats and socializing with them. She owes you nothing, OP. Not her time and definitely not her money bringing in treats for YOUR employees. Bring in your own damn treats if you want your office to have them.
YTA. You have said she has been there like a friend. It was very rude not to extend the invite. She has every right to not be nice now and bring in treats for you. Why should she put time and effort in if your not. You owe this woman an apology!
NAH. I understand why you might not think to invite her but it sounds like she is effectively a coworker (for lack of a better word to describe the situation) in everything but actually being employed by you/doing work as a part of your team. I also understand why she may feel hurt by not being included. If I were in your position I would apologize and then make sure I invited her the next time. You would not be an asshole for not not doing so but I think its a good thing to do considering you do share a space with her and it seems like you all do actually like each other.
YTA. It wouldn’t have hurt anyone to invite her, it could have been fun and you could have gotten to know her better. but in not doing so you’ve hurt her and lost her good will.
YTA based on your entire preamble.
Strictly speaking you are not obliged but it seems y’all are integrated enough that inviting her was the socially proper thing to do.
You didn’t need to invite her… but it would have been the polite thing given the circumstances and now she probably feels left out. It’s a lot easier to co work near people you have good relations with, and this would have been a good gesture.
NAH. At the end of the day it was a company party, and she doesn’t work for you. Would it have been nice? Of course. That doesn’t mean you are required to invite her to every work event.
Info: did the “company holiday party” include business talk, celebration of company achievements for the year, planning for next year, etc even if informally? If yes then I’d say you should have at least given her a heads up since she sounds like your friend to acknowledge why shes not invited. I would totally understand if that’s the case. But if it was a general party to socialize then def an AH move to not invite her. You see her at work so building and maintaining a positive relationship with her seems important. Either way you should have a chat to clear the air.
Yta.take her some flowers,apologize and clear the air, it wasn’t intentional but unless you’re moving soon, that’s a colleague you’ll be near for years
Nta – but considering you did things as if she was part of your team. You mention she brings in cakes for your people on their birthdays, you invite her to dinner she invites you to a birthday party. While she is t in your payroll she is definitely part of the crew (least in her mind)
Why would she continue to bring in treats if she is ostracized from events that involve everyone around her?
I was going to say N T A, as far enough, she isn’t your employee.
But going on to question why she would be withdrawn and stay to herself seems really obtuse given the situation you’ve presented.
YTA – because again fair enough that, she is not your employee. But then question her withdrawal and why she’s no longer participating more broadly seems really delusional.
You cannot have it both ways.
This is one of those situations where technically you aren’t in the wrong but boy did you miss an opportunity to be inclusive and welcoming to someone with whom there is an unofficial but established working relationship.
NTA but definitely an idiot.
YTA. That’s super awkward to exclude her from dinner after forming a relationship with her. She may not work for your company, but you informally made her a coworker by hanging out with her in the office all the time and discussing work with her. Not surprised she doesn’t want to waste her time any more baking you guys cakes and listening to your gripes.