I’ve been best friends with this girl for two years and we’ve been thick as thieves, a few months back she announced she was moving across the country for a new start because she was feeling stuck in life she said she wanted to do a big farewell dinner with friends before she left just so she can say her goodbyes and get a little more time with each of us. Leading up to the farewell dinner she was acting a bit more distant than usual, I mentioned to her I would want my Colorado sweatshirt back before she left that I let her borrow. I would frequently invite her to hangout with my boyfriend and I so we could spend more time together before she left and she either had other plans or didn’t answer. So it’s the day of her farewell dinner and she tells me what restaurant and what time they’re meeting (Cheesecake Factory at 6).
I work with little kids and had a hard day from being cussed and scratched and I just didn’t have the energy to be in a big group setting. She even invited me to a more chill part of the night with less people after the dinner and I told her I would’ve preferred that it would be just us.
She responds with a lengthy message of "Totally get it and I’m sorry you’ve had a hard day, but l’ve told you when my leave date is months in advance and yes we’ve mentioned to hang out before then and when I would follow up to try and make plans it’s always with "maybe, I’ll see" and then you hang out with SO, or others which is fine he’s your boyfriend and you could’ve had different plans but I shouldn’ have to reach out all the time to try to make plans when you don’t follow up that’s not fair. If your priorities have changed I get it but Then, you reach out two days before I leave trying to do something last minute when you’ve known for a while. My friends planned this tonight and I’m with family all day tomorrow so I can’t squeeze you in. I’l see you when (another friend) gets back and I’ll drop off your Colorado sweatshirt on my way to the airport because you wanted it back."
I respond with "I get why you’re upset. i tried to invite you to a game night on tuesday after my therapy last week and again tried to see you at the reception but both of those times you didn’t respond. i’ve been so busy and no not just hanging out with SO. i should’ve made it more of a priority to reach out tho and im sorry
you can keep the sweatshirt, i know you love it"
So this leaves the question AITA?
Is this a serious post?
If so, let’s turn the question around on you, OP. Give us a reason why we should not think you’re the AH?
YTA. She got the vibe, and I think correctly, that you just didn’t care all that much. When people are leaving we make every possible effort to be with them. When we say we’ll be at farewell dinner/party it’s real real simple. We go. Bad day? Suck it up!!! And we DON’T add more stress to an already very stressful time for them.
Yes. YTA.
She’s leaving. You’ve been “thick as thieves”. From your own words it seems like you only invited her to hang out with you and your boyfriend. That isn’t quality time, that’s a tag along.
You knew in advance when she was leaving. We all have jobs. If you valued her friendship you would have made the effort. To me it seems like you don’t actually value her.
Yes you are, I am glad your “friend” is moving away and starting new, you made no efforts other than ONE time to try and see her.
It seems you want everyone to accommodate you based off that night and the past when you said “we’ll see” you’ve bailed on her more than once, you are not a good friend. SMH.
I know why the friend feels stuck in life and wants to move away from her so called best friend. Yta
Yes. YTA. You have not made time for her and now you want her to cater just to you when she has all the stress and logistics of moving to deal with. You’ve known she was moving for a while. You had time to make sure you had quality alone time to spend with her and you didn’t take it.
Of course YTA –
*” I work with little kids and had a hard day from being cussed and scratched and I just didn’t have the energy to be in a big group setting. She even invited me to a more chill part of the night with less people after the dinner and I told her I would’ve preferred that it would be just us.”*
Honey, the world does not revolve around YOU. And you clearly were NOT her best friend…
well yeah, of course YTA, your best friend is moving across country and you decide to skip the farewell dinner and last chance to hang out together and say good bye in person because you were tired from work, and reject also the alternative she suggested to at least meet for a bit after dinner, she really wanted to see you and you bailed with a shit excuse and you know it, you just didn’t care to put the effort.
YTA
You haven’t prioritized her. You knew about the farewell dinner a long time ago, and you knew when she was moving. You are more focused on your SO and don’t make time for your supposed bff. She is 100% correct.
YTA. Am I understanding correctly that you wanted her to change her plans to hang out with just you? You hadn’t been inviting her to hang out solo, always with your bf according to your post. Why would she change her plans to accommodate you?
Yes, YTA. It sucks that you had a hard day, but you can’t make a little effort for your close friend’s leaving do? It’s not your party, you don’t get to dictate the terms.
Btw most people don’t love hanging out as the third wheel to a couple. Inviting her to hang out with you and your boyfriend is not really making time for her.
YTA. Asking for the sweatshirt back? Dude.
YTA big time!!! She wanted to spend some quality time with friends. I don’t think it would have killed you to stop in for just an hour. You seemed to only want to get together if your boyfriend was there. She would have been a third wheel. Flip this…how would you feel if you were in her place and she did this to you?
Yes, YTA. I love my friends partners but, as the single friend, hanging out with a couple is 100% NOT the same as getting quality bff time. If this person was as important to you as you’re trying to make it sound, you would have made time for a one on one hang and not tried to put it on her at the last minute.